Are you planning b having meals together or will you just be sharing a space with the idea of her being self sufficient?
A roster that indicates your strict family time might help a bit
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12-02-2013 12:10 #11
MIL moving in... Tips?
12-02-2013 12:19 #12
Well my first tip was going to be "don't do it" lol but since that's not an option, I reckon the best thing to do is practise your best lighthearted "oh, thanks for the suggestion, [change subject]".
12-02-2013 12:33 #13
12-02-2013 12:37 #14
MIL moving in... Tips?
Really try to get a place with a granny flat or a place with separate living spaces (living in close proximity with no personal space will completely ruin the relationship for both of you). It's really hard, so make sure you have everything like bills and rent in an agreement (preferably a written one that every one signs). Other then that just try to relax and let the little things go where possible.
We lived with my FIL for a few years and he often didn't pay his share (I hated asking for it, but I had to every week), we were in too small a place and we were always in each others faces. It was horrible for everyone and it really stressed my relationship with my DH as well. I hope it goes better for you
12-02-2013 12:40 #15
I live with my MIL and I hate it! Mostly because its her house and I understand it is more "we have to listen to what she says".. Your in the position to be firm, tell her NO this isn't how it is. But I would be telling her these things before she moves in. Maybe write down your routine you have with your kids.
DISHES, cleaning etc... I really do suggest a roster or hire a cleaner.. otehrwise it could cause arguments with your partner.
Cooking, will you do a big shop and she contributes financially or will you do it seperately etc. Keep in mind if you do it seperately you will need more fridge space.
Make sure you do speak up if she does do something you don't like and don't nag your partner LOL. (This is from previous exp) It is much better to say it yourself then the problem is solved with no problems! Goodluck and I understand your horrible position lol
12-02-2013 12:55 #16
I would suggest making a list of important things/boundaries you arent willing to compromise on, discuss with your dh to ensure you both see eye to eye, then having an informal discussion together your mil before she moves in. This way its more a family decision rather than you seeming to be difficult.
Also if cleaning is an issue, i think the roster idea is good. Your mil prob wants to clean as it helps her feel she is contributing.
If cooking and meals are an issue, have separate fridges.
If you can find it, a place with 2 bathrooms would prob also be good.
Hope it all works out.
12-02-2013 12:58 #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
how can it not be your decision?? You and your DH are equals...and he should have withdrawn the offer!
My MIL would move in and I would move out...no way we could live together.
Sorry, I would be having serious words with DH and making sure that she found somewhere else quick smart.
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12-02-2013 13:00 #18Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2009
If you cannot find a house with a granny flat style, would you be able to find one with a garage that can be set up as a granny flat? And would MIL agree to that?
12-02-2013 13:14 #19
12-02-2013 13:17 #20
Id rather cut off my right arm than live with my MIL - she comes for three weeks every Xmas and is nothing but a lazy sponging drunk. Maybe Id like her more if she was helpful...........
You and DH are going to have to make it clear that its your house, your child and your decisions. Hope things go well.
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