I was 28 when I enlisted and there were several in my group that were at least a decade older than me.
If my husband had said no, I wouldn't have joined. In fact I waited a long time even though he kept saying yes because I didn't think he understood the realities of service life. HOWEVER it was a life long dream of mine and one of the few things I knew I would regret on my death bed if I didn't do it.
Do you think it would be like that for him or do you think it's just a passing fancy?
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Results 11 to 19 of 19
05-02-2013 15:03 #11
Re: Is saying no allowed?
05-02-2013 15:18 #12
Maybe you could suggest he tries the reserves first to see how he likes it? My brother is in the reserves - I'm not sure of the exact time commitment but know he has the occasional weekend away and I think he goes to a meeting once a week. There is probably more to it than this, but at least it is not as big a time commitment as joining full time.
05-02-2013 15:32 #13
Telling my partner that I never wanted a relationship with a man in the defence force was one of the first things I said to him!
At one stage he was considering doing his trade apprenticeship in the Navy. I said he could do what he wanted, but that as I'd always said, I didn't want to be in a relationship with someone in the defence force... so the choice was his, and depending on what route he took, I might also end up faced with a decision of my own to make.
I think you have every right to voice your objection - it's not "just a job," it's a whole way of life, and if you're not interested in being a part of that, you really do deserve the right to say no, that it isn't for you and it's not something you want in your life.
05-02-2013 18:36 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
Re: Is saying no allowed?
Hugs! You can absolutely say no, but maybe first you should sit down with him and find out exactly WHY he wants to join up? If its money or job stability then maybe he should do some part time study to improve his job prospects instead.
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05-02-2013 18:52 #15
Is saying no allowed?
You can say no and I would. I never signed up for that, tbh I don't care if it was DHs dreams, our family comes first.
If he was that set he could leave but we wouldn't be following. It's not the life I want for my kids and our family. We are rooted here. We would leave for DHs job but wouldn't be able to accept the months on end of deployment.
DH would have enlisted years ago but he wasn't able to due to his extremely poor eyesight he is also allergic to contacts which didn't help. Back then before we got married, settled down and had kids I would have been happy for him to join but not now.
It HAS to be a joint decision, it is not only his life he would be uprooting.
05-02-2013 18:57 #16
Is saying no allowed?
DH drop the army bomb on me at Christmas, I have made him sit down and look at it all not just what he can find online but talk to current and past members ( that was easy for us as I have 2 uncles, 1 past and 1 still in who both raised family's while in the army)
It was a very hard thing for me to get my head around and truth be told I am still not there 100% I never pictured myself as an army wife and I still don't but for him he believes the army will make his heart sing, outside of me and our boys that is,
If you are unsure if you DH is just toying with the idea if the army show him what he would need to do fitness wise to get in now that is: 15 push ups, 45 sit-ups and a beep test of 7.5
For me it was when DH started working out that made me see he was for real, he can be somewhat lazy and not a fan of working out,
Good luck with everything works out for you *hugs*
05-02-2013 20:15 #17
Re: Is saying no allowed?
It's not just a job. It is a lifestyle choice that will change so many things for him, you and your children.
I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way but if you struggle with your dh being away one night a month then it would be really hard for you. Aside from the initial 3 months basic training, the army goes away a lot just for training and exercises. DH worked with a guy who went away for 4 months just on exercise in the bush. Then you've got the very real threat of deployment.
I think for it to work, you will need to be behind your hubby 100%. Serving members need the support from their families. If you feel you can't do that then you def can say no. It's a decision you should make together as a family as it will affect everyone, and if you feel really strongly that you don't want to do it then you should have your say.
05-02-2013 20:46 #18
Hmmm so my hubby on joined the year he turned 27 so its not an age issue. I think its more of a case of it being a family decision. The thing that you do need to remember though is that he may feel resentful towards you if you say no.
I enjoy the lifestyle but it is very hard a very unpredictable. You tend to feel like a single mum at times but with all the commitments that go with having a partner. If it is something that you are not comfortable with say no but just prepare yourself for the fall out. ROck and a hard place mate and I sure don't envy your postion.
06-02-2013 09:41 #19
Growing up military doesnt mean your family is going to suffer. And I speak from experience, my Dad is still a serving member so I was military from birth. I then married a soldier so its 27yrs of not being a civilian.........................and I wouldnt trade it for anything!
I personally love being military. Yes its hard not having control over where you live, seeing family, your husbands schedule. But its doable. We get to live in some amazing paces affordably, we never have to worry about whether DH will have a job tomorrow or if he will get paid, we always have a roof over our heads (something we would never be able to afford to live in these days), DH has great work opportunities. We spent most of the last two years apart due to deployment and other various work commitments. Did it suck? Yes. Did we survive? Just barely. Do I regret it? No.
Age isnt a barrier either, they will take people up to the age of 35-40 depending on health/fitness and job role.
If its something he truly wants to do, standing in his way will just cause problems. Atleast let him check it out at a recruitment centre. What kind of tradie is he? If he is already full qual'd that will open up many more doors than normal for him. My husband is a tradie in the army so if you want any more info or advice Im happy to chat
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