Yes I do and lately I have been thinking about this a lot!! I have a wide group of 'friends' but really they are people I used to know who are not really in my life anymore. I find they are the sort of people who make contact when they want something like they have moved back to where I live (after 5 years of no contact etc) or they have a gig or show on and they want me to attend.
I am struggling lately with the concept of a friend and last night went out for dinner with a friend (a real one!) and we talked about this. I guess I am looking at not keeping these people in my life.
On the way home I was listening to this guy talk about friendship on the radio. He said something that has summed up how I feel. Friendship is two way. You have to give to have a friend, many people just take and don't actually put anything into a friendship. He said a friendship is like a partnership and you have to put in time and emotions etc. He also said it is two way and people get scared of investing in frienships as they think they'll lose something but in reality if we all put in, we'd all receive too.
Hope that makes sense. He explained it nuch better. I don't really think that answers your question but for me I am looking at continuing friendships with those that genuinely care and without sounding cold, letting go of those who don't.
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05-02-2013 08:58 #21
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05-02-2013 09:25 #22
Yep I feel rejected a lot (by my own family/parents) and have since I was a kid!
But I'm pretty good at doing the rejecting myself as I've got older. The moment someone treats me badly or shows signs if being a prat I'm outa there. I guess I'm intolerant ... But it's for my own safety!
Ive been in love three times in my life, and two of those times he left me in the end... And I struggled with that until a friend pointed out the numerous men I had rejected along the way myself! And looking back at those past relationships, he didn't reject me so much as we kinda rejected each other which is why the relationships broke down to begin with.
Everyone gets rejected, it's life. Teaches us resilience.
05-02-2013 10:08 #23
Yes all the time!
My best friend since I was 2 keeps telling me how excited she is I'm having a baby and I haven't even seen her to go shopping or anything (do girly things like that). DP keeps telling me I expect too much She's in her party stage still I guess but I would definetly do more for my friends than I get back!
I am forever trying to be the good person and do right but this year i'm being all about me! Try it!
05-02-2013 11:16 #24
My best friend of seven years just stopped contacting me and started ignoring me and I realised she made a new friend - all shiney and new and I was an 'old' friend so was cast aside. oh well. her loss.
My sister is the same, we have always been really close and then four years ago she had her first proper boyfriend and they recently bought a house together and I don't see her anymore (once in the last 6 months) and she has never come to see me or my new house; nothing.
Just sucks after all the effort you put in and you get nothing in return.
I have just stopped trying now.
05-02-2013 11:28 #25
Ever feel a bit rejected...?
If you ever want/need, I'm quite happy to take little miss for a walk in the ergo for an hour or so with B so you can have a rest or study or something
As for the op, yes.
I made some friends at my old work place who I really thought would be my friends for life, and as soon as I stopped working there, they stopped caring.
And my best friend stopped talking to me because of something an ex friend told her about me, which was false.
I have 3 friends, one who lives in Mexico, one who is a about to have her first and move up the coast, and one who I see maybe twice a year.
I am lucky I have a very close family and a supportive dp though.
05-02-2013 11:33 #26
I think people are becoming more and more antisocial. It idea of going out and meeting people is more appealing than the process. Plus alot of people have public and social anxieties now ( ) so its harder for them to comfortably seek new friendships and keep up with them.
Hugs OP...I doubt its 'you'
05-02-2013 11:45 #27
You know I agree, I think it's becoming a societal thing. People are withdrawing more and more. Years and years ago (and still in some places) all the neighbours would know each other and be in each other's business (but in a good way)... now, you move to a new neighbourhood and if you want to meet anyone it's YOU knocking on THEIR door - no more welcome visit or such. It's a shame.
I love watching how easily kids make friends. So lovely.
05-02-2013 11:48 #28
05-02-2013 11:56 #29
Ever feel a bit rejected...?
I think lots of people probably feel like this with me. I can see some people try... And I feel bad because I don't reciprocate. Its not that I think they're horrible people but I am quite anti social anyway, and prefer to be on my own. Socialising is something I need to prepare on advance for and need a lot of time recuperating after because I find it so draining.
I am also very selective about friends. I can almost automatically tell who I will want to be close with and who I won't. Given how I'm not very social, I prefer to have one or two close friends and that's it.
I don't feel the value in smiling and being friendly with someone who isn't one of these people. I will be friendly at a BBQ or something, but I won't go out of my way for one on one interaction and will actually do what I can to avoid it... Unless you are one of the very few I feel completely at ease with.
It's nothing personal and it's not a choice I make... I just find socialising a chore more than anything... And I don't want to add to my list of chores if I don't have to.
I'm sorry the person isn't returning your desire for friendship... But don't take it to heart. It doesn't mean they dislike you or anything.
05-02-2013 13:21 #30-
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