please help! i think i have a 'western world' problem with breastfeeding in public/when im not in my own home!!
i dont know why or what it is but i just cant feed my 4 week old when im not home. Ive never been the type to feel comfortable feeding in public. I just freeze up and become all self conscious.
We were at a family gathering over the weekend at a park and ds needed a feed so i sat in a chair out of everyones way mainly to give myself a little privacy and it was just awkward. ds wouldnt attatch or stay on, it took 45mins and he was still hungry. After the crappy feed, I gave him to a family member for a cuddle and she looked at him, then asked me "is he usually this awake after a big feed like that?" ... and it just confirmed i hadnt given him enough even tho it took 45 mins as it took ages to settle him after the feed which never happens at home 30mins later he was smacking his lips for another feed arghhh. i never feel the let down when im out, ds just seems to suckle and suckle then get tired and lose the attachment/give up!
I dont know what i can do to overcome my anxiety when i have to feed in public. I do it descretely but mainly for myself. I also have this thought that im on the clock and thoughts of "she just spent the whole time feeding" when im at a social event/friends house ect. It takes longer because im so uncomfortable and i guess the milk just doesnt flow?
anyone give me some relaxing ideas for feeding in public? is this even normal to feel this way about feeding in public?
when we get home from being out, he watns to feed every hour and nights are awful with him waking every 2-3hrs to make up for the pathetic day feeds.
At home our feeds are 10mins each side sometimes less, he falls asleep when he's done and sleeps anywhere from 1-4hrs between feeds.
Please help! i want to be a confident feeder when im out!
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28-01-2013 14:07 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2012
i cant feed in public :(
28-01-2013 14:14 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
I listen to my iPod when out feeding - mood music. Helps me relax and tune out anyone around me. It's heaps easier for me nonow hope you find something that works for you
28-01-2013 14:22 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
I feel for you, I used to be uncomfortable as well, and hated the idea of exposing myself to the general public and basically just tried to avoid it as the anxiety didn't help me or DD (sorry probably not the answer you were looking for!) BUT.... I did get used to it... when I finally said 'bugger it... my bub needs a feed and gosh darn it shes gonna get it, blow what anyone else thinks!' It worked for me and now if she needs a feed in public I plonk myself down on a comfy seat and feed away!
28-01-2013 14:25 #4
i cant feed in public :(
How about some emergency essence or rescue remedy? I also think you would benefit from some Aba catch ups can you have a look around to see if there are some in your area?
28-01-2013 14:30 #5
Re: i cant feed in public :(
What are you wearing when you feed? Can you get some bf singlets which are very discreet? There is nothing at all wrong with wanting privacy when you are feeding, with all the publicity lately maybe you are feeling under pressure that you should be ok with doing this?
28-01-2013 14:30 #6
Re: i cant feed in public :(
feeding a newbie in public is really really hard. With my first I pretty much needed my top off, a million pillows to get comfy and the remote control and bottle of water within arm's reach to feed. And i needed to use 2 hands to attach him. It got easier and easier to feed, until I got to the point where I could feed him standing up on a crowded tram despite that, I still found feeding DD tricky in the early days- newborns are still learning, so they need a lot of attention while they're feeding. I think you'll find in time it will get easier. In the meantime, don't feel ashamed to ask to be excused to go and feed somewhere that is more comfortable- maybe your car, a parent's room or a bedroom if you're at a friend's house.
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28-01-2013 14:39 #7
I know exactly how you feel. The idea of people looking at me and judging me made it literally impossible for me to attempt feeding in public. To the degree that I honestly didn't even bother trying, I was so uncomfortable with the concept.
It made me really angry that I felt that way because of the way that other people judge you but I just couldn't overcome that "Everyone is going to be looking at me and thinking I should cover up or judging me".
I don't have any solutions, I just wanted to say that you're not the only one out there that feels that way and it's NOT your fault. It's society's fault that women feel that way because many of us are conditioned that we're doing something wrong by having a boob out, even if no one can really see it.
Well and truly sucks huh. I'll be doing my best to overcome it this time but I'm not going to put any unfair expectations on myself.
28-01-2013 14:42 #8
I can really sympathise. In the early days I would plan most trips around feeds... feed just before I went and hope to not need to feed while I was out. As we both got better at breastfeeding it all came more naturally, not to mention quicker... after a few months we were down to 10 minutes for an entire feed, which is much, much easier to deal with in public than the 30 minutes per side marathons of the first weeks!
Try to remember that this, like most baby related adventures, is temporary. You'll be playing by completely different rules in a few weeks' time, so go easy on yourself and bub
28-01-2013 14:49 #9
I used to feel very uncomfortable too with my first two children
28-01-2013 14:51 #10
I promise that it will get easier. At four weeks I would plan trips around feed times, use a private cubicle in a parents room, or feed in the car. I bought myself a breastfeeding cover which gave me the freedom to feed DS anywhere. It was fantastic as we could still see each other but no one could see him feeding.
Once he was three months my confidence improved and I was able to feed him in public without the cover.
I remember my Aunty telling me that she once fed her youngest in the checkout line at Woolies without a second thought - at that stage I was a very new Mummy and it just made me feel so inadequate.
Breastfeeding is a learned skill, so please don't beat yourself up about what you're doing or not doing, it will get easier, and if you never feel up to feeding in public, that is fine too!
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