BUT ap does not stand for "absolutely perfect" it's not the be all, end all, is all. It's just one way of looking at things. And within that there is a scale, some would say that using a pram and cot is "not ap" (though anyone who thinks so and put their baby in a car seat hasn't thought that one through )
And I think APing as a point of discussion is much more inclusive than exclusive. But let's say posted a question in the AP section "my baby isn't sleeping etc etc etc" you are going to get an answer that might suit what you are looking for. I stumbled upon ap looking for ways to get jasper to sleep that didn't involve putting him down and walking away.
Which is totally fine. It's not AP = good. Not ap = bad.
And I agree a lot with AP ideals, but I'm not sure I "am ap" because I do time outs with my older child (as in put him in a spot for X number of minutes no matter what because this works for us) and I do try controlled crying/comfort with my baby, and I have actually started baby in daycare when I don't "need" to knowing full well she will hate it.
So I don't think I can title myself AP. But I certainly like the principles of ap.
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28-01-2013 20:15 #71
Re: Parenting 'labels'
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28-01-2013 21:50 #72
For me! I do not believe that cc/CIO is AP at all... I am unsure as to having children sleeping in different rooms as for my babies are happiest right next to me.
I believe crying is the way babies communicate and that by leaving them to cry you are not responding/ignoring them. A child crying in your arms/next to you is ok as you are with the child as it goes through it's emotions. You are letting then know it's ok to be upset and that you will always be there for them.
I disagree with the part where you say that catnapping/night waking As being a problem or an issue that needs to be fixed at a young age. I believe that babies will stop catnapping in their own time (usually when they go to 1-2 sleeps a day) and nightwaking when they are ready for it. If all they need is a gentle nudge then - great! But forcing them to go against their biological and physiological mechanisms I believe is not AP.
Babies/children will eventually sleep - some just take longer than others to get there.
Also I believe that you can't tell if bubba is sad, unhappy, lonely or just plain miserable. So till my children can verbalize exactly what bothers them - their needs and comfort comes before mine and cc/CIO is not appropriate.
I'm speaking as a mother of one child that was a serial catnapper, then horrible night sleeper and now a good and easy going night TT 2yo. I've done the same for my newest baby who is much more chilled out baby but has resumed 2-3 overnight feeds because I've gone back to work at 7mths. She misses me during the day and catches up on her booby time.
I hope ive explained myself ok
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29-01-2013 06:29 #73
I don't see how leaving a child to cry on their own, no matter how controlled the situation and no matter how loving the motive, can be associated with the word "attachment".
I'm not making a judgment here, just pointing out that the definitions do not align.
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29-01-2013 08:14 #74
But I'm glad you said what you did about good and bad. I just always get the impression APers think those of us who may leave our babies for 10 minutes to cry (in my case and I would define what I did as CIO, for me it just never lasts as long as everyone thinks it will) as bad parents, selfish parents etc when we still do what we know works for our individual children.
But a baby who cries for over half an hour with a really emotional cry is not being responded to OR getting their needs met as its not getting them to sleep.
People also define crying and whinging differently I guess.
Either way even from your last example the whole definition leaves a lot of gaps and interpretation so in response to the OP, there shouldn't be labels, it can upset and alienate people and often parenting becomes them and us mentality. Another reason for my thread in general chat. We need to celebrate the parents we are, no matter how we parent and by doing away with titles we can celebrate out parenting and give and seek advice in a non judgmental way.
29-01-2013 08:33 #75
Re: Parenting 'labels'
To me AP is about attending to your baby's needs as much as possible. I've heard a lot of APers talk about how babies are so small and helpless, so they need us to help them live in the world.
Not AP to me would be bottle feeding by choice because you want to be able to go out sometimes and have more than a few drinks. Or putting your baby into a routine from birth to fit in with the rest of the family. Or not co-sleeping because you don't want to, even if your baby does. Or sending them to the gym creche where they cry for most of an hour while you work out. And I think all of those things are fine. I think many of us feel so mich guilt for not putting our babies first all the time, but everyone has a different breaking point and different limits. The gym goer might need to go to the gym or feels like they would go nuts without a workout. Co-sleeping can cause big problems for many couples. I don't see what's wrong with admitting that sometimes, baby doesn't come first.
And this is why despite babywearing breastfeeding, no CC and gentle discipline, I don't consider myself AP. My philosophy is sometimes baby comes first, sometimes I do. And not just in terms of needs, sometimes my wants come first too. I don't feel guilty admitting that.
ETA i have seen crazy competitiveness with APers in real life. Who has the most woven wraps and can tie them in the fanciest style, who eats the most organically, who birthed the most naturally, who breastfed longest. I see it much more with APers than other types of parents.
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29-01-2013 08:50 #76
Until reading a few of these threads I must admit I had a fairly negative attitude towards APing because an acquaintance who states she is an APer, her children have no boundaries and run wild, hitting/spitting/swearing so that was what I associated it with.
I think that most parents want to raise well adjusted, well mannered, respectful, sympathetic, empathetic children. We're just using different methods.
When people hear AP being described as 'responsive' people get defensive because they feel that that suggests all other methods are not responsive.
I would not fit a category, nor wish to; I have done certain things different with my 2, as they are different people, what works for one doesn't always work for the other.
I feel I am very responsive, I believe in modelling behaviour for my children, no matter how trivial or important the situation and I speak to them respectfully, as its how I expect them to respond to people.
However, I use time out, FF, use a pram, disposable nappies, so even though the philosophy sounds fine to me the methods don't suit us.
29-01-2013 09:07 #77
29-01-2013 09:21 #78
29-01-2013 10:49 #79
By OS&N in forum General ChatReplies: 11Last Post: 19-07-2013, 18:40
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