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28-01-2013 15:58 #61
28-01-2013 16:24 #62
Witwicky summed it up well; I follow the principles of Lambjam Parenting
All my babies have been born via elective caesarean. I have loved, absolutely loved, all my births. My wish for all women is that they have the opportunity to enjoy birth as much as I have.
I love baby wearing and use a carrier almost exclusively for several months, but around the first birthday I find I really need a bit of personal space and switch to a pram.
I love sleep, I hate crying, so I do whatever I can to optimise the former and reduce the latter. For me this means sleeping with baby, using a dummy, cuddling and rocking to sleep.
I've had a lot of trouble with breastfeeding, so all my children have been fed differently; EBM, exclusively FF, exclusively BF, BF comped with FF. My conclusion is that all methods have their merits, and the only standard we should all be held to is that our babies be *fed*. It doesn't matter how.
I've always been a fan of cooking and pureeing baby food, and 3/4 of my babies were fans too. I didn't consider BLW until DD insisted on it.
One thing I've learnt having four babies is that if you think you're an expert on any aspect of parenting, you probably haven't had enough children. Sooner or later one of them will turn it all upside down and make you realise how little you actually know
28-01-2013 16:24 #63
Sheesh, sorry for the essay...
28-01-2013 17:01 #64
This is very interesting...
IRL I don't know any "APers" and haven't met any that I know of either. But online it feels like they are the majority. I often don't comment on things or say what works for me because of this. It feels like online the AP way is the "right way".
I feel like I respond to all of my daughters needs. I try to anticipate what's coming next and stay to a routine as much as I can so she rarely needs to cry. More so when she was a bub. It upsets me that because I don't bed share, I breastfed for 6 weeks, mostly used a pram, let DD CIO and learn to self settle that people would think I don't respond to may babies needs.
I like the label that we all do our best and what ever works for us and our bub!
28-01-2013 17:05 #65
28-01-2013 17:32 #66
I meant no disrespect. Hope that made sense ^
Also, my mum's style was very free range (to quote another new term I've learnt on this site, lol), she tells me she let us cry back in the 80's! She also tells me not to rush over to DD everytime she cries, but I will continue doing what feels right for *me.
There is no wrong or right way to parent, I really hate labels and believe we are all just mothers with a common goal who love our kids.
Last edited by ~Marigold~; 28-01-2013 at 17:35.
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28-01-2013 17:51 #67
No labels here, I woulddn't fit one anyhow.
In my 19 + years of parenting, I have done what works for each child as a individaul. What worked for one didn't always work for the rest.
28-01-2013 19:17 #68
For me personally, Attachment Parenting isn't only about responding to your baby's needs. I also don't see it as a check list of things you must do. It's much more than that, it's a whole philosophy, a whole lifestyle parenting choice.
Whilst I do full-term breastfeed, gentle birth, co-sleep, not let my babies cry and babywear, it's not *just* those things that mean that I identify with AP principals.
It's also the way I speak to my children, the language that I use, the way I interact with them, the way I handle consequences for undesirable behaviour. It's just so, so much more than the fact that I co-sleep, breastfeed etc, they just happen to be a part of the whole philosophy I choose to follow.
Now that's not to say that others feel (or should feel) the same way, but for me, it's the whole shebang on how I parent my children, from newborns through to adulthood, that I consider to be Attachment Parenting.
28-01-2013 20:26 #69
I'm unsure why parents who use CC and CIO are classed as not responding to their child's needs.
Those people who feed and rock and sing and lay with their babies in order to get them to sleep are using these methods as a) they are comfortable with them and b) it works for their child.
Now just imagine you have tried all of these things but your baby either still doesn't get to sleep or does but only catnaps during the day or wakes numerous times a night. It's not good for the baby as they aren't getting enough sleep and its not good for either the baby or the parent for the parent to be beyond exhausted, close to PND, and too tired to give their baby their all.
So a parent with this type of baby may try Controlled Crying as its gentler than Cry It Out. After all I'm sure their baby is not ill, is clean and dry, not too hot, not too cold, not in pain, has had enough cuddles and quality time with mum, dad or both during the day and they NEED to sleep. This may work for this family! It may be hard for the parent, but it may still work!
Or maybe when the parents try controlled crying, the baby gets upset by seeing you come and go, so the family resorts to cry it out so that the baby can get the sleep it NEEDS.
So the parent has responded to all of its needs (as above, not sick, hot, cold etc) and is trying different methods to give the baby suitable sleep. CC or CIO can only take a few nights leaving the family with a baby who now gets the sleep it NEEDS. Parents getting the sleep they need = happy family.
I would consider THAT responsive parenting!
Therefore I don't think the AP title really has its place as the AP parents on BH are excluding responsive parents who use CC or CIO.
'Typical' AP parenting style will always come across as breast above all else and until 2,3,4 years +, baby wearing, co-sleeping, hippie etc which people who class themselves AP parents hate. So why not do away with the title!?
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Hokey Pokey (29-01-2013)
28-01-2013 20:42 #70
Re: Parenting 'labels'
If I left my baby to cry, I would feel like I was being unresponsive. Simple as that. I can't know how someone else parents and whether they are responsive or not because I am not them, regardless of the methods they use. It's just simply for me that CC and CIO are not an option. Ever. I've had a cat napper. I've Had 2 kids wake multiple times a night for an extended period (youngest has just started sleeping through at 30 months, oldest didn't sleep through until he was 3). I suffered from PND with my first son but for me, CC or CIO would have made it a lot worse.
Again, I stress that this is simply about what works for me and my family. And for the record my kids are doing fantastically well developmentally etc.
It's when people start thinking that because someone calls themself a responsive parent because of the way they parent and others who parent differently taking it to mean that they are then classed as unresponsive in that persons eyes that there becomes a problem I think.
All that being said I don't identify with a certain style of parenting. I do what feels right for me and my family and I follow my instincts. Doesn't make my way THE right way, it just makes it the right way for me and my family.
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