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  1. #1
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    Default Feeling unsupported and fighting with the husband...

    Without writing a novel, I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this...
    I'm wondering if it's "normal", I know Dads-To-Be get nervous and anxious too but...
    The last week my Hubby has decided that baiscally his life is over.
    I'm not fun anymore, we can't do anything, he is bored with life etc etc etc.
    After a week of him mope-ing and making comments to me like, "My life sucks..." I sat him down yesterday and said "WHAT exactly is so horrble in your life that is making you so miserable?"....he ignored me. So I asked again, and then he snapped, called me "fn dumb" and again stated the fact his life is **** and over. Told me to shut up and I was "annoying him".
    He then went to bed without dinner (stormed off like a child).
    This morning he was particually nasty, I rolled over to cuddle him and he asked me not to touch him. Told me I was (again) annoying and to leave him alone.
    He didnt eat breakfast, or lunch...and spent the afternoon sulking on the couch. I tried making chit-chat, which i either got no response to or told to shut up. I can feel it in myself, the more he ignores me- the more annoying i am i know that- but Im trying to "fix" it...
    I again asked if I had done something to upset him. He said he is "over everything"...to which I burst that I was sorry I am such a burden in his life...and he answered "You wanted this ****, you wanted a baby...everything is different now" Which broke my heart. As it was a mutual decision and we tried for almost a year to concieve.
    He then, again, went to bed (without dinner, so he hasnt eaten anything for a whole day). Which is where he is now...and I'm googling how "dads" feel during pregnancy trying to get some idea of what the hell his deal is.
    I get our lifestyle has changed, I encourage him to go out with friends...but it's like he'd rather sit at home and be miserable. It's almost like he is depressed. He said he'd rather be at work than be at home with me...when i honestly swear I have done NOTHING to provoke or upset him...

    TELL ME THIS IS NORMAL AND WILL PASS!!!!

  2. #2
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    Default Feeling unsupported and fighting with the husband...

    Not normal no. He sounds depressed, he should go talk to a professional, your about to have a baby

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    Default Feeling unsupported and fighting with the husband...

    I wouldn't say normal while still pregnant. My DH has said this a few times since our baby arrived but he doesn't go on and on about it. And more says it as matter of fact, like yes our lives have changed etc.
    though he did struggle a bit when I was pregnant because I was so sick and he would comment that he missed his 'wife'. But not sulky etc.
    from my experience men don't like to talk about stuff too much so might be best to leave him sulk a bit instead if fixing it. Give him a bit of space and see if he comes around??? Perhaps the realization that bub is coming and it's real has hit him big time?
    Sorry to hear you are struggling though. I hope it all improves.

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    I would say that's not normal. Yes I think every expectant parent has feelings of anxiety and wondering how their life is going to change, but this seems pretty extreme.

    I don't know whether he's depressed or is just acting like a selfish man child. What I do know is I wouldn't put up with it. If he's depressed get him to get some help. If he just doesn't want this baby, then maybe he has some thinking to do. if he thinks his life has changed now with you pg, I cringe to think how he'll behave with a baby that wakes all night and spending money that now will go to feeding and clothing your child.

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    Wow definitely not normal. His lucky his not my DP, you sound very patient.
    Hope you work things out and he stops being horrible to you *hugs*

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    Default Feeling unsupported and fighting with the husband...

    Not normal sorry :-( babies do mean changes but it sounds like he isn't coping with it at all. Would he go to counseling? Cause once bub comes all your focus will be on bubba and he needs to support you.

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    Default Feeling unsupported and fighting with the husband...

    After having the baby I could understand but before isn't normal. Sorry. I really hope he comes to his senses and can have a proper conversation with you about it all.

    My DH struggles with the fact we can't just pick up and go and do what we want when we want!

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    No way he would consider conselling.
    I keep giving him the benefit of the doubt. I've been having shocking brax-hicks the last 2weeks...maybe he is really going into panic about the baby being here soon. Like it just got real to him.
    The hardest thing is, I know he loves me. But being 36weeks preg is hard work and I've been so good (hormonal wise etc) the whole time and now I feel lost.
    It's hard to just avoid him as well. Long weekend and all!!!!

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    That sounds just awful And I have to agree that it doesn't sound normal. Sometimes men get a bit depressed when they realise just how much their life has changed or will change because they have some sort of idea that the woman will do everything.
    I don't think it's cruel on their part, they just assume that there's not much that they CAN do for a baby which is true in a lot of ways.

    It sounds like he's battling with something within himself. I think you'll find that work is just the place where he can pretend he isn't a dad and everything is as it was, rather than him wanting to be away from you and the bub.
    Will it go back to normal? Without help, perhaps and perhaps not. But it sounds like you may have to invest the help of someone outside the home to get him to face up to whatever is bothering him. Perhaps a family member or friend that you could confide in?
    I'd just say to them "He seems so unhappy at the moment and I don't think he wants to talk to me about it, can you have a chat with him?". As long as he doesn't know it's coming from you he might open up a bit more to them.

    Good luck, it sounds like you're living in a very uncomfortable situation at the moment and that's no fun with a bub.

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    Default Feeling unsupported and fighting with the husband...

    I think there is more to it honestly. Has he done something he regrets and won't tell you? Sorry, but I don't think you or the baby are the issue here, something else is going on. He is pushing you away - why?
    Can you stay somewhere else for the weekend? Stress can send you into early labour, I think he needs time out to pull his head in quite frankly. He has no right to speak to you how he is, stop trying to fix it and don't acknowledge him until he can act like a man and speak to you respectfully. Best of luck.


 

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