I've just been raging about my inlaws. Apparently their Grandsons are more important than their Granddaughter.
My Mum is here every weekend and she works full time. My inlaws are retired.
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22-04-2013 17:31 #31-
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- Jan 2013
22-04-2013 17:32 #32Senior Member
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- Nov 2011
22-04-2013 17:53 #33
My situation is that my parents live 50 minutes from us but DH's parents (divorced and both re-married) both live interstate. I have always been MUCH closer to my parents (both geographically and emotionally!) than DH has been to any of his. His parents divorced when he was quite young and it was very messy between them for a number of years, plus DH had issues with step-parents entering into the picture and making life tricky for him. He moved out of home and out of the state as soon as he could for that reason - long before he met me. He does get on quite well with both of his parents now but he can go weeks on end without calling either of them and has very little desire to fly up and go and see them very often. I don't see it as my responsibility to call them on his behalf but I do constantly encourage him to like PPs have said... it can be infuriating because I'll ask him to call 5 times before he actually does it. I also think it doesn't hurt for the parent to call us/DH every so often either! When his mother does call I am on the phone to her for over an hour giving her all the news and answering all her questions whilst DH will talk to her for 5 minutes...!
I TRY to remember to post photos of DS to them every few months but have been slack with this at times. I don't mind doing it but it's just something I forget to do. DH would never get around to doing it at all if I left it up to him. They are all on Facebook now which helps too!
I think if the parent has an issue re: lack of contact etc they need to flag it to their own child and seek to improve it from there.
22-04-2013 18:01 #34
That could be precisely my families situation.
My kids have a relationship with my mum and grandma because they live nearby, before we lived close I would send my mum and grandma pictures etc I'd call my mum all the time (we spoke nearly daily) she was involved at a distance.
Now we live interstate, I have mmsed pictures to my Mil occasionally, I've have photos printed and framed for in laws if I'm doing it for my mum, gave them to df, and they've never been sent.
It sounds very much like unless your brother has said his wife is preventing HIM from contacting his family then I don't see how this has anything to do with your sil.
If it was my brother I'd be calling him saying "dude come on!"
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22-04-2013 19:27 #35
I grew up knowing my maternal grandparents significantly better than my paternal grandfather. My Grandfather was much older, and didnt have the same draw towards children as my maternal grandparents. He wasnt someone that could look after us overnight etc due to his health.
It is a shame we didnt know him better as children, but sometimes thats circumstances. I did get to know him a little bit as an Adult, however he already had been diagnosed with the beginning of dementia.
From a person who was in that position.... I believe its important to know both sets, however its possible you will naturally be drawn to one set/person and thats ok.
23-04-2013 07:20 #36
I don't think the kids are going to be "damaged" by only knowing one set of Grandparents, but I think there are at a huge loss. The more family, the better imo (excluding those cases where there is a good reason to not have certain family members involved). Even if it's just written letters, telephone calls etc. Grandparents can give a lot to a family- not just physical support but impromtu and informal history on the family, old times etc, a listening ear for the kids- imo, everyone misses out.
23-04-2013 08:15 #37
I used to worry about how t wouldn't affect my kids but now I no longer think about it
With the situation you described if say both your brother and mum need to make more of an effort. But your brothers wife I less a lot less to blame then your brother. Can children be ok with only one set of grandparents ? Yes definitely. Though if you can building a relationship with both sets is optimal
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23-04-2013 08:23 #38Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2006
I dunno, my mother was the one who kept in contact with my dads parents overseas, it isn't that he didn't care about them, he was just thoughtless. So she would write letters and send photos. At the end of the day, it would have been me and my brother who it missed out had she not. After my dad died, she kept the correspondence up, according to some of these posts, it wasn't up to her, so we would have just lost touch.
And what happens if the brother died? Does that mean an automatic loss of relationship between his mother and his children because it isn't up to the SIL to keep in touch.
I don't believe that. I believe if the SIL was a nice person, then she would want to encourage a relationship with the Grandmother, after all, she may not be related but those kids sure as heck are.
So no OP, I don't think it is a good situation. Your brother sounds lazy, your SIL sounds uncaring.
I have a very similar thing going on in my family. I love my niece and nephew and despise my SIL who has full custody of them. We still manage to see them once or twice a year, but it has been difficult in the past and I have a feeling it will be even more so, my mother finds it very difficult.
23-04-2013 08:46 #39
It sounds like theres no reason for them not to know your side of the family. Thats really sad.
I don't know how they can do it. My ds only knows my family but its a but different. Mil is a nasty spiteful person, and does have mental health issues and is an alcoholic. She is very unstable and immature. She has been told by police not to contact us as she was harassing and threatening us constantly via msn, fb and texts several times a day, every day, for months on end.
With all that in mind I feel really sad for my ds and sometimes guilty that he doesn't know his dads parents (I don't even know his dad) but she brought it on herself, hopefully in time, if she shows she has made progress we can start to bridge that gap...
23-04-2013 21:00 #40-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Perhaps the brother is just a typical male and is hopeless with communication. Perhaps the SIL is busy and stressed raising a kid, and can't find time to actively chase a grown adult (her hubby) to spend time on a relationship with another grown hubby (her MIL).
I assume the grandma is retired? If so what's her excuse for sitting on her ar$e and watching her relationship with her grandkids go down the crapper? Pull your finger out Nanna!
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