Would love your opinion on a subject DH and I can't agree on. We have 3 kids, all of the births were emergency c/s. All traumatic and long posterior labours.
I am almost 49 yo, and after having our 3rd child and being told that the doctors thought my uterus had ruptured and that baby was distressed and that they would like consent to remove my uterus. I come out of GA to find my baby has survived ( thank God!), that my uterus was not removed, but stitched back together and it was paper thin and very hard to repair.
Unsure why it wasn't removed.
My husband and I were then informed that I must never become pregnant again. It would be life threatening for me. My uterus is too damaged to hold another baby.
My husband agrees with the doctor that he should have a vasectomy to ensure that this could never happen.
I foolishly believed him.
Now it will be 3 years in April, and he refuses to have the vasectomy.
I feel so hurt by this, because I had 3 major operations so that we could have our children. My life was threatened by these operations and he can't even have 1 minor operation to ensure my life isn't threatened again!
I just can't believe the selfishness of this!
I would like some other opinions on this please.
No I'm not menopausal, I am very much still fertile every month. Still ovulating. I don't think it should be up to me to provide contraception, especially as he agreed to have the vasectomy.
No sex until vasectomy? An ultimatum??
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14-01-2013 00:42 #1
14-01-2013 01:11 #2
I don't have any advice, sorry. Just wanted to say I would also be very hurt by his lack of action on this issue i feel that you have every right to feel as you do, and right or wrong, in the same shoes I would likely go down the ultimatum path (your life is at stake and that is far too much of a risk, IMO).
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14-01-2013 01:35 #3
Oh wow.. I would be extremely hurt and upset, especially since he said he would.
Every feeling you are having is completely understandable.
What has been your method of birth control?
As you would already know, No birth control is 100%, a vasectomy is pretty much the safest option especially in your position where your life would be on the line if another pregnancy was to occur.
The way I see it is without the vasectomy your life could be on the line if a birth control failure happened, your children could loose their mother, and your husband could loose his wife, but he doesn't want to consider a vasectomy due to??....??
What could be more important than you and his family that would stop him from getting the snip?
But, it is a medical procedure and you can't force him to have it done, but I do think its pretty selfish of him to just say he will not get it done and not even bother considering it more due to everything you have been through and the risks involved.
I don't think holding out on sex will work, but you could explain to him your unsure if you want to continue having sex due to the risks involved if a failure was to happen with your current birth control and see what he says?
But if I was in your position I would be feeling very upset over this.
It would make me feel rather meaningless to my husband, and personally I wouldn't be a very nice wife to be around. But that's just me.
You have been through so much to have these children, medically you can't have anymore, so what's stopping him? Unless he is planing to have some more kids I don't see the point.
If he is just worried about the whole procedure and is putting it off out of fear I would suggest you get him to talk to someone who could answer any questions he has, wether that be a counselor or even if he could go to the clinic and have an appointment to talk to the specialist who performs vas to answer any questions that have been on his mind.
I hope you can all get to a decision that you all agree on.
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14-01-2013 07:24 #4
Re: Advice please.....
If it were me I'd withhold sex, not as an ultimatum, but for the fact that sex could be life threatening to you and it's just not worth it.
From memory a vasectomy still isn't 100% protection, so maybe get as much information as you can, and explain to DH how scared and upset you are by this.
I hope it all works out for you.
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14-01-2013 07:28 #5
Agree with pp I would hold out simply due to the health implication for you. He needs to understand how important this is to you!
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29-06-2013 13:15 #6Member
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- Jan 2010
Wow! That sounds quite traumatic for you, I hope you are ok.
Didn't want to read and not post, book him in for the vasectomy and tell him when it is. Sometimes the guys just need a push. He may be putting it off as he is scared, feel he may lose his manhood etc.
If there is a date set for him, let him know that you will abstain from sex until that date....see how it goes.
29-06-2013 13:36 #7
Yep, no sex.
I suck at analogies, but if he had terrible, chronic asthma and you said you'd quit smoking in bed and in the car three years ago but still puffed away every night, he'd justifiably be upset. Sure, he could use a puffa and probably be alright, just like you could use contraception and probably not become pregnant, but would he feel inclined to if you had promised otherwise?
29-06-2013 13:41 #8
This is a bit of an old thread, is there an update OP? I'd have withheld sex too!
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