I am so desperate to have number 3 i always expected i would have number 3 by the time my ds2 was 2.5 he is now 2.5 so i accepted that i can wait until he is 3.5.
but my DH wants us to pay off some debts and get ourselves finically set up, while I know this is the smart thing to do i cant help but feel that a gap of over 4 years is HUGE
I dont want kid no3 to be complaining that his brothers are so much older then him and feel left out.
so what do you think is 4.5 years too much of a gap?
would you prefer to have a 3.5 yr gap?
do you think it will affect a youngest child having to older siblings so close in age and make him/her feel left out?
***** edit, my DS1 & DS2 are 14 months apart
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09-01-2013 14:12 #1
is 4.5 years too much of a gap?
Last edited by Maximum22; 09-01-2013 at 15:32.
09-01-2013 14:15 #2
I hope not.
My daughter is 7.5. She's not getting a sibling anytime soon... I wanted for there to be a 4-year age gap (roughly) but life got in the way. I split with her father, had to re-establish myself and then have to work towards having another child. It's just things turned out, and while she would like a sibling, she knows it will eventually come.
I can see her being a lovely sister... so I don't think 4.5 years is too long at all. Their relationship will jsut be different to if they were only 2 years apart.
09-01-2013 14:20 #3
For me the gap would be too large. Lots of people have those sorts of age gaps and are happy, but I know for me I wanted all my kids close together. My first was 19 months when I had my 2nd, and my 2nd will be 22 months when I have my 3rd. At first we had planned to wait till my first was at school before we tried for number 3 (for financial reasons), which would have meant a 3.5 year gap between my 2nd and 3rd, but in the end, we decided to just tighten the finances and finish our family sooner rather than later. Things will become easier for us once the kids are all in school and I can go back to working full time, so we decided in the end making that happen a year earlier than planned could only work to our benefit.
ETA - my age is also a factor. I always wanted to have completed my family by the time I was 30, and as it is I'll be 32 when I give birth to this baby. I didn't want to wait any longer.
Last edited by CazHazKidz; 09-01-2013 at 14:23.
09-01-2013 14:23 #4
There is a 7 year gap between DS and DD. Yes i wish it was closer but sometimes its just not practical. My kids are happy and healthy thats all that matters.
DD takes care of DS when we go on long trips. Shes is such a great help with him. He thinks shes amazing and loves her so much.
My SIL has a 15 uear gap between her DS and DD.
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Hopefully Waiting (09-01-2013)
09-01-2013 14:23 #5
is 4.5 years too much of a gap?
Our first (and largest) gap is 5 years and 3 months. It wasn't what I'd planned, and in some ways it was difficult because I'd moved on from nappies and sleepless nights. But in most ways it is a lovely age difference
09-01-2013 14:30 #6
Im not sure the gap would have been this big if I was still married to husband #1 but who knows. Im just happy to have a healthy baby!
But, my brother and I have a 4 year gap and I guess it was tricky at first but now we are older its fine, no difference really at all.
I hope you can make a decision soon xoxoxox
09-01-2013 14:36 #7Feel my wrath!
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Re: is 4.5 years too much of a gap?
IFwe have another, would have a 4-5 year gap, so waiting until dd is in pre kindy/kindy to ttc. I want to have some timr with my husband and kids and also be able to enjoy the liitle babe
**Mum, Dad, Big boy (Dec 08) and Baby girl (Feb 11)**
09-01-2013 14:39 #8
is 4.5 years too much of a gap?
As the youngest sibling from my family, no no it's not too big. If anything it's amazing once the youngest reaches 13 and the older one takes them under their wing (my brother is 4 years older than me and although growing up we had sibling rivalry, once we were teens we were best friends).
I want at least a four year gap between this one and the next. Maybe even longer lol.
09-01-2013 14:42 #9
Mine are exactly 4.5 years apart and there are a lot of positives about big gaps. Having the older one independent is a great thing for one. I can't think of many down sides to it really, for me anyway.
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09-01-2013 14:46 #10
For me I don't see much difference between a 3.5 and a 4.5 year gap. You are past the nappy/pram/needing help with feeding/sleeping/etc phase by 3.5, so any time after that you do need to go back to the realities of a newborn, so it is somewhat annoying. But, on the other hand it's nice to have an independent child during your pregnancy and when bubs arrives. My ds was 4 years 9 months when my dd arrived and it was SO much easier to go to my appointments when he was in Kinder and I got to rest on other days when he was in Kinder & I wasn't working. Then when my dd arrived he was a huge help from day 1 and having him so independent was a massive plus. I can't imagine a 2 year gap - that would be seriously difficult in comparison!
I don't think any gap is too large. If you want another child and you are well & not too old yourself I wouldn't let a gap between kids stop you. I grew up with a brother 20 months younger than me and other one 5.5 years younger than me. My youngest brother & I were often at different stages and so we didn't do heaps together, but we were friends and now as adults it makes NO difference whatsoever (we had our first kids at the same time, etc).
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