Hi Ally, I can't 'log off' from your story, either. Many mornings of late I have thought of you first thing, when I look out the window to the garden, and I hope you soon will feel the sunshine come back into your life. Can you plant a tree in your garden, or keep a rose in a pot for Angus? As it grows it is a lovely way to remember those departed, and remind others by having an inscrib rock or some butterflies in the tree and a few little statues around it. love the little place you have made for Angus. I hope it reminds your visitors of him, and shows you he is still around and in your world. I hope you can regain your strength soon, we are all here for you. Please try to do some nice things fir yourself - get a massage, go for a walk, take a break for a few days, get some essential oils to sniff and some smelly candles. Draw or paint if you can, and get into the garden if you have one. Nurture your soul as well as doing things to keep Angus' s memory strong. Thinking of you, xM.
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28-04-2013 00:39 #621
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28-04-2013 02:21 #622
I wish there was more open communication between the departed and the living I miss him so much!
29-04-2013 12:31 #623
Hi Ally, a planter-box is a fab idea. It is portable which is handy. The main thing with a planter-box is the drainage - decent holes in the bottom and some gravel under the potting mix to keep it from getting wet at the base, and planting the right plants for the position it will be in and the climate you are in. It's hard to recommend good plants for it without knowing where you are - whether it's temperate, tropical, or sub-tropical. If you can let me know, I'll have a think about it for you. Here in Melbourne, Lobelia, Petunia, Pansies and winter flowering annual bedding plants would be the go. Just make sure whatever you plant is suitable for winter potting (check the label). Don't overcrowd the plants and don't over-water. Stick your finger in the soil to check it's moist under the surface. You'll be fine - black thumbs can be turned green by following these kind of instructions and growing idiot-proof plants!
Trees are best in the ground. Again, it's all about finding the right tree for the position. A tree in the ground, though, will have far greater longevity than plants in a pot. I would do both! Please post us a piccy if you do either.
Do you have a nice pic of his face you can frame along with hospital bracelets, and any other memorabilia? I keep meaning to get a box frame for my premmie's tiny suits and hospital bracelets so I don't forget how small he was. His 9 zero bodysuits are on little teddy bears.
Be kind to yourself, Ally, and try to keep the creative side of you alive. As for the connection between you and Angus, it will always be there. Sometimes the messages are hard to receive, especially when you are grieving, but keep an eye out for birds and butterflies, and sit quietly with yourself when you feel calm, blank out your thoughts, and non-verbal feelings may come from Angus. This is more likely though after you've had some time to regain your equilibrium. There's a fantastic thread in here called Just Curious #2, where there's a fantastic psychic who may get a message from Angus if you ask her.
Sunshine and love to you, Ally.
29-04-2013 21:21 #624
Ally I wish I could offer support but I can't think of any words without crying. Hugs x
29-04-2013 21:30 #625
30-04-2013 13:34 #626
What a beautiful little place for him xx
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30-04-2013 14:21 #627
Home alone today. Not great for me. I watched movies with Angus in my lap.
Stressing out because one if our keepsake lockets collapsed when it was engraved which has lead to engraver fighting with funeral home etc. things never go to plan do they?
I feel a bit like a jinx in the planet. Everything I get involved in turns to disaster, literally everything.
I feel alot like a failure today.
I am meeting up with my poor student midwife today to go through what happened with angus. She only got to come to one appointment then it was all too hard to have her at the hospital etc but I want her to be able to report on Angus, the more people coming into the medical industry that have had some experience with a real case of Edwards or any other chromosomal disorder the better. At my hospital I was surprised that alot of the staff were unaware of what Edwards actually was and I felt a bit like I had the most knowledge in the room so hopefully my student midwife can at least present the subject and other students might google and a bit more aware if they ever come in contact with another mummy in my situation.
30-04-2013 14:26 #628
You are not a failure though I can definately empathise with that feeling. You still continue to show amazing strength as you help to raise awareness of Edwards and help your student midwife in her education. Just wanted to send you hugs again.
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01-05-2013 18:49 #629
Hi Ally, one of the positives that can come of Angus's life is definitely education of med pros. I had a similar feeling when in hospy ~ that I knew more about the dangerous placental condition I had than many of the doctors and health workers I met. It was scary that they had a wait-and-see approach, could provide little info, and had no real management plan. I constantly felt I was educating them about it.
This is one of the best things you can do, I think ~ put your energy into making sure other parents in your situation feel more supported, are given the best outcome and info possible, and making sure more health pros have as much awareness of the condition as possible. Hopefully through your efforts, less parents in your situation will have the scary feeling they know more than the docs about their baby's condition. The one thing you really need in that position is support, and challenging the hospital and educating as to how support can be provided is a fantastic job, and one only you can do.
Good on you. You should feel so proud of yourself.
Be gentle to yourself ~ the absolute LAST thing you are is a failure. It is not your fault the locket broke ~ it will be sorted out. You have not failed the world or yourself in any way. This was not of your making, it was a situation the universe chose for you, to parent Angus, because it takes a very special parent to care for, nurture, and learn from a soul such as Angus. You have the strength to get through ~ I know you do. You will have down days, and you are allowed to sit and watch movies with Angus ~ for weeks if you need to!
Please let yourself just be, and do whatever you need to do without judging yourself or your reactions. My thoughts are with you.
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03-05-2013 09:03 #630
Hi Ally, Im another who has just heard your story and I have to say Thank You.
Thank you for the reminder of how precious life is, thank you for being a strong, courageous woman that many of us aspire to be and thank you for being the most amazing mother to that beautiful little boy, Angus may he rest in peace.
Please dont ever feel like a failure, how did you fail? You fought for your baby every moment and he survived for so long because of you, like so many of said he was taken so early and for reasons only you can decide.
The song "small bump" already brings me to tears but now the song will forever hold the name Ally and Angus for me.
Let us hope that these experiences help the medical practitioners learn more about these conditions and less women have to experience you and your husband have shared.
You will be blessed with another little one soon enough and you will share stories of the best biggest brother they could have ever had.
Forever beautiful, forever young, forever yours Angus.
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