Ally, I've just seen your tragic news. I'm so very sorry. You're one brave, amazing woman. My thoughts are with you. xxx
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21-04-2013 20:44 #591
The Following User Says Thank You to peoniesarepretty For This Useful Post:
21-04-2013 20:46 #592
You know what Ally, a few ladies, including myself, in my DIG commented recently about how much more grateful we are for our babies after what you've gone through. I know it doesn't make you feel any better but I just thought I'd let you know that there are many of us on here who you and Angus have really impacted. To be special and make a difference, you don't have to be perfect so don't feel guilty for having the thoughts you're having, it's completely normal and I know any mum who had been through what you had been through would think the exact same thing. I hope you're taking care of yourself.
The Following User Says Thank You to JR03 For This Useful Post:
21-04-2013 20:52 #593Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
The reason I'm posting now is because I saw what you wrote above, and I know it's probably no comfort but what you have gone through gives me perspective when my baby girl frustrates me and I'm having one of those days where I do feel like complaining - I thank myself lucky and remind myself that there are people like you who would do anything to be kept awake by a screaming baby or to feel the various aches and pains of pregnancy.
I hope I said all that right - please know it comes from a good place from a complete stranger who has been touched by your story and is learning to appreciate what she has. Xx
The Following User Says Thank You to LauraH80 For This Useful Post:
21-04-2013 21:05 #594
21-04-2013 21:06 #595
21-04-2013 21:07 #596
22-04-2013 00:53 #597
Damnit!!!! The second I have 2 seconds on my own toy own thoughts I just cry.
It sucks so bad to be so powerless and I hate not being able to get past "give him back" I know it's not possible but I hate knowing he is ashes in a box on a shelf. He should be living breathing beautiful life!! I want him to cry and keep me up all night. I want him to draw on the walls and break the good china.
I want to be pregnant again. Not just with our next baby but with him. He is my whole sunshine.
I don't think I can move on. I will in the way I know I will go back to ivf and be pregnant again, it's exactly what I want to do but the guilt I feel like that would be betraying him, giving up on him is just too much plus I'm scared my other kids will suffer with the constant comparison to Angus . I don't want them to feel less loved etc and grow up jealous of him etc seems silly I know but I'm scared I can't
Emotionally extend beyond Angus.
Tomorrow I have a scan to check for retained placenta, I have had pain so bad we ended up in the ER on Friday. It hurt so bad to be there remembering losing Angus again there too.
I wish so badly to reverse all this. Be happy and hopeful again. My Angus safe with me.
22-04-2013 05:24 #598-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Hun I'm sure you have enough love in you to love and adore a new child as well as remain totally in love with Angus.
- People don't have a limited reservoir of love, and then each child/person takes a bit until they have no more to give. That's not how it works. Rather your heart keeps growing with every child you have.
If you have a second child you won't be betraying Angus. You will be giving him a brother or sister who he can look over.
With the ashes, just thought I'd let you know of someone who had their child's ashes placed inside a teddy bear. They felt like the teddy was comforting for their child as well as themselves.
Anyway hang in there xxx
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:
22-04-2013 05:48 #599-
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
Ally my Mum lost a baby when I was young. We've always been open about it and she's always in our thoughts. Mum and I did a butterfly release for her which was really nice for the both of us.
Mum has photos of her in her house and a little pink urn. She was present at my wedding.
We'd been told before that angel babies come back as grandchildren. I had a daughter last year and the thought gives us comfort that our Danielle is back as my daughter.
The Following User Says Thank You to Lauzy83 For This Useful Post:
22-04-2013 07:41 #600
You are allowed to feel angry and hurt and like the world is a terrible place, and that you want your angus back and can't move on. They are all totally valid emotions and responses, and are all part of the grieving process.
please take your time to grieve and just be...forget about what people say you should be doing or feeling. Until they have walked in your shoes, seen and felt what you have, they will never understand.
Its not much comfort I know, but you will, in time, maybe quite some time from now, but you will be able to feel like you are making progress. I can assure you it does get easier with time and you won't ever forget. How much time it takes is up to you, its an individual thing.
please take care and know that your gorgeous angus would be so proud of you.
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