apologized if its way too long...just need to let it out of my system
hi, im just recently separated 8mo ago to be exact had 2 kids a 17 who lives with me full time and a 7yo who i share care with my ex wk on wk off...financially i havent settled with my ex yet as i cant afford to get a solicitor im planning on doing it myself but hasnt really had the chance to do much due to having not much time coz of work.... have already inquired supposed to go through family relationship attended some session with them for our parental plan and after, they are suppose to be able to help me with property settlement as well......fast track my ex doesnt want to go through with it anymore...this im assuming as our arrangement with my 7yo is working fine he helps me when i need to work or do more hrs...im the one who move out so im now renting he lives in our house... so i cant afford to stop work....
i met someone last aug we started dating getting to know he is in the same boat as me kind off he is divorced for 3 yrs tho he has a 10yo same setup wk on wk off..... last oct i stopped seeing him as i can feel he wasnt ready...after 5 wks not contacting him he appeared and we talked and he wanted to have a go at it again as i do like him i said ok but i told him im not looking for short term relationship and all and told him wht i didnt liked and the reason why i stopped seeing him....ever since we started seeing each other we have been doing it unprotected so both are aware of the consequences.....fast track...end dec i missed my period and have told him i said ill see a doc and have it confirmed though he asked me what my thoughts on it prior i said if its there then ill accept it....he has hinted already to consider other option i told him i cant do that and if ever he has nothing to worry about it im not going to hassle him with it his free to do wht he decide.....i found out im 5wks pregnant i told him its confirmed and we discussed options he want me not go through with it reason he has given me are there 5 lives affected me him my 2 kids and his child...i told him i have thought of it prior talking to him and i dont see any problem with my kids i know it will be hard to explain but im going to be honest with them thats all i could do (in my mind would be nice if i can tell them who the father is would be easier to explain to my 7yo) but the way his acting i dont think he is in anyway know wht to do with himself i know he worries how is going to explain to his 10yo...another contention he present is how am i going to deal with having a 3rd child i dont have family around me to run to for help whos going to take care of the baby if i go to work....and that at the moment im already struggling and adding an extra mouth will be hard....another worry for him im 41yo ill be in my 60s when the child turn 20yo and he will be in his 70s and that we are too old to have a baby and another one is that im being selfish as im not cosidering the future of the child due to being single mum I wont be able to offer a good life since im struggling single mum with 2 kids already....and lastly he will end up resenting me and the child....... with all these presented i told him i had already contemplated on these, weighed it against the alternative that he wants me to take...i said all the things he worries i can handle it i knownim a strong person i tell myself i have been in different crossroads in my life already and it just made me stronger more im aware it will be hard but how hard can it be im still alive my kids at the moment are happy....I can work and will be able to manage I have to but not the alternative i said i know he may never understand but thats wht i believe id rather face the hardship than kill something that's a part of me and id rather face his resentment than me hating myself and himself for doing what he wants me to do I told him im the person who faces any problem head on and I don’t shrink with my responsibility no matter how hard it will be (call me stupid but that’s how I felt and my personality)...... i know its going to be hard ahead but im trying to be brave about it i have confided with a friend just to unload some apprehensions and to settle my mind a bit as I felt so alone.....
i thought he doesnt want to talk to me anymore the father of this baby but new yrs eve he came and spend time with me after the discussion we had the day before..i said i dont want talk about it that night as its new yrs eve this actually happened as i invited him prior, for us to spend new yrs eve together if he doesn’t have his 10yo with him....I told him he is welcome to come if he can set aside his anger at me if he still wants to come which he did and he said he wasn’t angry at me but he cant understand my decision as its illogical with all that he presented in our previous discussion and he wasn’t able to sleep and kept himself busy as he is moving to his own house at the moment....I thought to myself ill let him think and give him time to decide for himself...
I've been thinking and done some reading as im 41yo I need to take some test as im high risk I need to know that the baby will be healthy that’s my main concern at the moment and also dreading the day when I have to tell my children im going to talk to my 17yo first when he gets back fr holidays....ill wait before I tell my 7yo in the meantime....have checked as well wht help ill be able to get when I need to stop work, in the meantime fr centrelink it says that I can get paid parental leave for 18wks that’s about 4mo im thinking that’s enough then I have to go back to work....im trying to see if I can get a relative to come over here fr overseas even for just a yr to help me with the baby so I can go back to work without worrying much about the baby but this option is a far shot at the moment....
thank you for reading ...any ideas suggestions are welcome......
******if there's a will there's a way*******
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03-01-2013 02:17 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
my story: single mum 41 and pregnant
03-01-2013 11:49 #2
my story: single mum 41 and pregnant
Bump! Also will be back later to share
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