My sis works overseas and she has told me that she intends to take a few months off work when I'm due as she wants to be part of my daughters life. She said she will also constantly visit me in hospital.
Thing is, after speaking to a number of friends who have recently given birth, I know how tiring it is to look after a newborn bub in hospital. I will need to feed the bub every two hours, change her nappy, give her a bath etc etc, so I will want the most rest that I can get. My sis doesn't know how to look after a baby so I know I can't count on her to look after bub while I sleep in the hospital. Thus, if she's constantly visiting me in hospital, then I will have to not only look after bub but I will also need to chit chat with her instead of resting. I told her today that I would prefer to have every opportunity to rest when I'm in hospital so I said to her to visit me when I'm ready and not that tired. Her response was that giving birth is a huge thing and my entire family ought to be in hospital!!!
I know it's a big thing because this is the first time that my sis will be an Aunty but she doesn't understand that I also need rest. The thing that got me most annoyed is that she then said that I would prefer my partner to be in hospital with me and not her! Firstly, it's not true that I prefer my partner over my sis and secondly, even if my partner is with me all the time, so what???!!! He is after all my daughters father!
I can't believe she's so inconsiderate! She wants to visit me in hospital to satisfy her own wants (as she wants to see bub) but she doesn't see it from my point of view! Arghhhh! Sh*ts me off!
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02-01-2013 23:10 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
02-01-2013 23:38 #2
You can instruct the midwives to only allow visitors at a certain time Hun. That way you can get some rest :-)
03-01-2013 06:40 #3
Most hospitals have visiting hours.
Let her know that she is not the only one that wants to visit and will have to let others. I also found it helpful to let people know you have to sleep when bub does. So visits will be only be short ad bub sleeps a lot on the first few days.
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03-01-2013 06:58 #4
I found I just wanted to sleep more than anything. My daughter wasnt awake that much in hospital.
So when visitors came in, I wasnt busy with taking care of her, I was usually asleep!
They do have set visiting hours usually. So she can't be there 'all the time'.
She's probably just excited, maybe drop a hint like "as long as you don't mind if I'm still asleep when you come in, I'll be exhausted still"
03-01-2013 07:08 #5
I know how you feel! My BIL&SIL have decided to come visit from the UK for 2 weeks when I'm due. I said the first 2 weeks are the worst time for us, as we won't be able to socialise etc. their reply "we'll help". I don't want or need their help. I'd much prefer to see them when we've adjusted to the new bub and can spend quality time with them. I tried putting them off by saying they won't be able to stay with us as lack of room etc....so they've booked a hotel nearby! Some people just don't get the hint. I feel sorry for DH more as he sees his bro once every 2-3years and won't be able to catch up with him properly this time as he wants to spend time with me DD and new baby.
Good luck getting your point across x
03-01-2013 07:08 #6-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Don't worry hun as you will only get visitors as long as you are wanting to accept them.
Midwives won't let visitors in if it's at a time you don't want them.
I made it clear to my parents that we werent having any visitors until at least 24 hours after bub arrived. And no overnight guests at home until 4 weeks afterwards. They were a bit cranky at first but they got over it.
When bub was born and hubby sent a text to let people know he put in there that 'mum was tired and will let people know when she's feelig better.'. All our good friends knew this meant to call hubby before visiting, which they did. We had no unwanted visitors.
07-01-2013 20:58 #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
The whole 'You want your husband there more than you want me' is what really had me gobsmacked! He's the other parent of this baby after all and so has much more of a claim to be there. She might need to be reminded gently that this is not all about her, though you do of course want to share this new part of your life with her, taking into account the fact that you really will need time to sleep and time to enjoy your baby with DH.
20-01-2013 18:08 #8
Yes I think we are all experiencing selfish people around us; yes they want to be involved but the thing is it's 'your' time with your partner and baby. That comes first everyone else needs to comply with what YOU want.
My mother wanted to come up two weeks before I was due because she does not live in the same suburb and I had to let her know that that would most likely not happen. She also has ideas about coming as soon as the baby comes but that will depend on how we feel; and yes it's hard to voice what you want and you don't want to hurt people's feelings but this is the time for us to be selfish if no other time. Overbearing, controlling and inconsiderate people is not what we need at this time. So speak up for yourself and get hubby to back you all the way whether it's mother, sister, inlaws or friends. If they don't understand well too bad. And yes I have heard that the nurses are really good they don't let anyone bother you especially if you request it.
We are thinking for no visitors for 48 hours after the baby is born because it's really such an important time to bond with the baby and you can never get that back. There will be plenty of time for others to visit.
And I agree with VICPARK, no one staying overnight at ours for at least four weeks which I have reiterated to most people as we are away from most family and some friends. I am sure they will understand in the end and if not they just aren't good friends and you can really do without the stress.
Good luck with it and speak up for yourself; don't give them options tell them how its going to be and yes at the last minute you are allowed to change your mind if you really want your sister/mother etc but don't let them bully you. This is YOUR time.
20-01-2013 18:18 #9
Yes as a PP said the hospital will have visiting hours.... Just tell her those hours and I am pretty sure that will be the only time she is allowed there. I hope she gets the hint
20-01-2013 20:22 #10
I know with private hospitals, they really only enforce the one set time a day where visitors aren't allowed (usually lunch). Otherwise they are typically laid back if people turn up at other random times.
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