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  1. #71
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    After having a public hospital birth with various strangers attending, and a home birth with people all known to me (however, i still had a lot of people in the room - midwife, student midwife, photographer, partner), I agree that any disturbance could hinder the birth.

    But the article seems to presuppose that men will ask questions or generally be an annoyance in some way. I think it depends on the man and the relationship. My partner followed my midwife's lead at my home birth. He kept quiet and just made himself useful where necessary (filling up pool, giving me a hand to clutch).

    As for trauma, I think that any birth can be a bit traumatic for the parents. I had a perfect home birth - short and straightforward, and even I felt a bit overwhelmed for a few days when I reflected on the pain and the experience. And I'm sure men feel the same, but unless they were particularly sensitive, I'm sure most men can resolve those feelings without packing up and leaving the country as cited as an example in the article. If the man was particularly sensitive or averse to blood or something then perhaps it's best they are not there. I just most adults could cope. I ensured my 4yo son wasn't at my birth though, as I think he would have found it traumatic. even in another room, he would have heard me.

    I asked my partner what he thought about the father missing the birth, and he said he wouldn't have missed them for the world, as seeing a birth is the most incredible experience you will ever have.

  2. #72
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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    So this blokes wife gave birth to their 3rd child by her self while he was fiddling with the air con so he didn't see her give birth? Ok..…

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  4. #73
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    Dr Odent has been brilliant for birthing in general but in this case I cant totally agree. I would rather if a man didnt want to be there or was freaked out that he just leave me in peace because having a stressed out person in the room (no matter who it was) would slow down labour. I honestly think though that supportive and confident men will speed up labour if anything as they can provide reassurance, comfort and love that you cant get any other way. Its very individually based imo.

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    I've actually seen a study on this a few years back, and it had the same theory as this doctor.

    not all men, obviously. But some. I mean, we all know some men who seem in total denial about their wife's pregnancy... or have the attitude that it's not their problem ie "what ever you want dear"... surely I'm not the only one who wonders how they'd cope?

    And of course, you have some men who read all the books, right next to their wives, and who say "our pregnancy." And of course, you have men scattered between all these points.

    I think some men understand what their wives need, they understand their wives need peace and quiet.
    While other men, for whatever reason, don't. I can imagine some men might think they're being helpful by being all "Are you ok dear? Hey listen to this joke!" all the time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mopoke View Post
    So this blokes wife gave birth to their 3rd child by her self while he was fiddling with the air con so he didn't see her give birth? Ok..…
    Yeah I was thinking that too. The middie wasn't there yet, and he was deliberately fiddling with something to not be in the room I know some women would love a FB, but clearly by the fact she had a middie coming she didn't want a FB?

    I have always liked Michael odent and his opinions on natural birth.... his blanket statements have soured my opinions though.

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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    In today's society, unless there is a diagnosed medical (mental) issue.... If a woman doesn't want FOB present at the birth I really would question that relationship and whether or not the two should have been reproducing in the first place.

    If a man cracks up after witnessing his partner giving birth there were probably issues in the relationship to start with and it was only a matter of time before ...splitsville happened anyway.
    Last edited by VicPark; 28-12-2012 at 08:42.

  10. #77
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    In today's society, unless there is a diagnosed medical (mental) issue.... If a woman doesn't want FOB present at the birth I really would question that relationship and whether or not the two should have been reproducing in the first place.

    If a man cracks up after witnessing his partner giving birth there were probably issues in the relationship to start with and it was only a matter of time before ...splitsville happened anyway.
    Um have you ever had a vaginal birth/gone through labour?

  11. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    In today's society, unless there is a diagnosed medical (mental) issue.... If a woman doesn't want FOB present at the birth I really would question that relationship and whether or not the two should have been reproducing in the first place.

    If a man cracks up after witnessing his partner giving birth there were probably issues in the relationship to start with and it was only a matter of time before ...splitsville happened anyway.
    Wow... you must be mentally ill or have an unstable relationship if you'd rather birth solely in the company of women?
    You do realise that is how it was done, in most if not all cultures worldwide, for eons (women only present at labour and birth)? Men being present is so, so modern in comparison. Why should it now be perfectly accepted that men must be present, or else?
    Such a narrow viewpoint.

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  13. #79
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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    In today's society, unless there is a diagnosed medical (mental) issue.... If a woman doesn't want FOB present at the birth I really would question that relationship and whether or not the two should have been reproducing in the first place.

    If a man cracks up after witnessing his partner giving birth there were probably issues in the relationship to start with and it was only a matter of time before ...splitsville happened anyway.
    While I may not share their sentiment or motivation, I think it's going too far to make such broad judgments about other women, other men, other couples.

    A man not being able to bear watching his partner in pain, and not coping with being helpless to take it away? I imagine this could indicate the complete opposite of issues in the relationship. I probably couldn't bear watching my child in pain, eg after an accident, and would probably crack it. Does that mean we have issues?

    In any case, my whole problem with the article in the OP was that it made too general a statement about what is an incredibly individual process. As does your comment.

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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    Um have you ever had a vaginal birth/gone through labour?
    I don't think so!

    My partner missed the birth of our 3rd child 10 days ago, and I'm glad. It was an emergency c-section that happened in Very quickly.He was at work on the other side of sydney and didn't make it in time. My waters broke and they had meconium in them. When I got to hospital to be monitored, I was already 5cm dilated and they discovered baby was in transverse lie. My husband is a worrier, the operating room environment would've been too stressful for my husband, but he was present at my 2 vaginal births, and he was not a hindrance at all.


 

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