I was laughing and chatting with Df and the midwife until 8cms, quietness meant no distractions from the pain. And I was talking to Df right through to between pushes. Lots of quiet laughter from me because I was amused by how vocal I was. And Df making jokes - awkward jokes - but still that he tried lifted my spirits.
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27-12-2012 13:36 #21
Re: Men shouldn't be present at birth.
27-12-2012 13:38 #22
As a father who has been through the experience I would recommend it. The one piece of advice I would offer other fathers, though, is ensure you have someone you can talk to when it's all over and you leave the hospital. That wasn't the case for me with my first and it did put me in a weird head space.
27-12-2012 13:41 #23
It's interesting. I love a lot of Michel Odent's stuff. But I don't think he's got it exactly right here; it's not just a man who can distract you from labouring and hinder thngs - it's anyone not respecting your space and just letting you be. Man or woman or doctor or midwife, anyone.
I did find my partner invaluable support, however... if we lived in a traditional society where birth was supported by women as the norm, and understood and respected as a natural process that does not require control. Maybe I would be happier birthing just with a supportive woman/midwife. I probably won't ever know because I will always choose that my partner be present.
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27-12-2012 14:17 #24
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27-12-2012 14:26 #25
I wouldn't want THAT man at my birth, that's for sure, so he's more than welcome to stay the eff away from my birthing vagina.
For me, it's DP's duty to be there. He doesn't need to witness anything going on down there, but when I feel scared, when I feel unsure, when I'm tired and needing support... I want that to come from him. Not a midwife, who, though I will pick her myself (homebirth) will never be close to me in the way that my partner is.
I hear DP's boss talk about the experience he had at his daughter's births (not all were at home, but the homebirth ones he lights up at the mention of, singing the praises of homebirth) and I don't understand why it would apparently be better if he was told he wasn't allowed to have that experience - that it was wrong for him to be there, and thus, he had no right to the joy he experienced during those moments.
Not all men are going to watch their partner give birth and feel elated, but some will and that shouldn't be denied. If nothing else, a woman may feel she requires his support and given she's doing everything else... well, IMO if that's what she wants, it's his bloody DUTY to suck it up and be there to hold her hand while she's going through something like that. No partner of mine will get the choice - they will be there, or they would not be my partner (of course, accidents and illness aren't included in that... but to choose not to attend? No way dude - that's not your decision to make!).
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27-12-2012 14:44 #26
If men can't handle child birth, then Mr. Odent should find a new job.
27-12-2012 14:51 #27Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
I think that for some couples...this is totally true. But, now there is so much social pressure that the man MUST be present they get shamed into it.
Like some women want an elective C section because they feel they cannot deal with vaginal birth...i think it should be equally valid for a man to not want to be present. However, I think that both parents should make themselves educated before making such a choice.
If I had a trusted middy...i think I could have def had DS without FOB present...he did stress me out a bit and he went on for ages about how hard it was for him (sigh). DD was a bit different as DH was so keen to be there and when it ended in emergency C and us nearly losing DD...i could not have done it without his support.
I just wish society could stop swinging extreme to extreme...why does it have to be "not allowed" or "must be"?
27-12-2012 15:23 #28
This article is not just about men not being able to handle birth it's mainly about how their presence during the labour and the birth and how this can effect the mothers hormones.
27-12-2012 15:26 #29
I haven't read through this thread yet, but this dr was in charge of the births was he?!?!
My Dh was great during DD's birth, it was great having him there and given that I was the one that carried DD, it was so important to be there to greet her as she came into the world.
I personally would not want to be with a man who regarded my vagina as something that is only there for his enjoyment or gratification, and not holistically as part of how life is made and how it comes into the world.
Some men aren't good at being present at the birth (hell, some women aren't great at being present in their own labours) but lets not tar all men with the same brush.
27-12-2012 15:32 #30Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
Men shouldn't be present at birth.
So they had it right back in the days when women were confined in a dark room for at least a month before the birth and until they had been 'churched' after it and husbands were only allowed to visit with the permission of the local midwife?
I can't think of anything worse.
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