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    Default How do you deal with tantrums?

    DS is 21 months old and he's been throwing tantrums all day for the past month!
    Tantrums from the moment he wake up till bed time, if he doesn't get what he wants, which usually are cuddles from me(if I am feeding DD), kisses for our newborn DD(he would seriously smother her with kisses, and accidentally poke her in the mouth and eyes etc so we pull him away sometimes), watching hi 5, me not dancing with him while hi 5 is on, doesn't get his meals the moment he wants them, wont let him open fridge, no junk food etc. He screams if we wont let him climb on the couch, on my work table, playing with things he shouldnt be playing with, basically if we say no to anything he screams and chuck tantrums.
    We don't give him everything he wants, never have. A lot of the times we had to let him cry. Explaining to him, getting down to his level, rewards doesn't work right now as he doesn't really understand although I still try. Distractions works sometimes. Usually after he has calmed down from his tantrum he would try the same thing again and I would say no then the whole tantrum all over again. If we give him what he wants and if I play and cuddle him all day he would be an angel which makes me think his behavior could be associated with a having a newborn in the house. I have tried to have one on one time with him whenever possible, but just doesn't seem enough for him.
    Any tips?
    How do you deal with tantrums?
    Thanks

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    Default Re: How do you deal with tantrums?

    Subbing!

    Life; it's what happens when you're making other plans

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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Default How do you deal with tantrums?

    If its a younger child I just sit on the floor near them 'being available' sometimes DD doesn't want to be touched when she is having one so I just offer her a hug and wait it out. I do try to offer her boobies first off which usually works.

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    walk away and DO NOT give in! If he realises he gets what he wants from a tantrum he'll keep doing it. I know its hard but it WILL pass. Be patient, make sure you praise good behaviour and give him lots of cuddles and attention when you can.
    Both my kids were tantrum throwers but a few times of walking away in the supermarket (obviously where i could still see them) they got the message that it doesnt work.

    Good luck

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    Default Re: How do you deal with tantrums?

    In the same boat hun..

    Right this second actually

    My eldest we just did whatever felt right (each time was different) sometimes they need comfort, sometimes they need to be ignored etc. Eventually they do grow out of it, at least to the most part Good luck!

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    At home if he throws a tantrum I usually get down to his level and tell him in a calm voice that he can go to his room to sort it out and come back when he feels better. Works almost every time. He'll run off, have a cry then 1 minute later come back, we'll hug and talk it out.

    I've tried the 'being available' thing but he just gets frustrated with me being there and it makes him worse.

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    Default Re: How do you deal with tantrums?

    a good book for guiding childrens behaviour is "children are people too" by louise porter.

    Ill give a summary and personal tactics later. I have a ds the same age, and am a qualified childcare worker, before ds I was room leader in 2-3 yo room with up to 17 toddlers at a time. I've had my fair share

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    Default How do you deal with tantrums?

    Does your newborn happen to be about a month old? Ds went through some major behavioral changes when both his brothers were born. We found giving him some special one on one time with mummy or daddy each day helped. Even if I took new bub for a walk when daddy got home so he could spend some play time with daddy.

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    tubster  (19-12-2012)

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    Default How do you deal with tantrums?

    Role plays may work when he's calm. You could tell him that when mummy or daddy say no, then you aren't going to change your answer, and it's your job to protect him/help him learn, which is why you say no sometimes. And sometimes that will make him feel angry. Then you can give him some choices of what he can do instead of have a tantrum when he's feeling that way ie squeeze a stress ball, push hard against a wall, count slowly to ten whatever...

    Then, practise it! Get him to ask for something and you say no, then he shows you what he would do. Takes time and lots of praise/guidance but may work?

    Good luck!

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    tubster  (19-12-2012)

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    I think with tantrums, we need to remember the child's age. He is 21 months? (Not 3) He is still discovering new emotions, and how to control them. When he finds something he doesn't like or cant understand or comprehend, he starts to feel out of control, and the result is a tantrum.

    Its frustrating and hard work, but at this age they need support and understanding to know that we are there for them. But at the same time, we have to remember that their emotions are out of control, and they may need time and space to recover, but they also may need a hug to help them calm down...or they may need both in any order!

    Its also no good trying to talk to him when he is having a tantrum. They wont hear, understand or comprehend it. Wait till they calm down so they can process what you are saying.

    When my DS throws a tantrum (Same age) i try and work out why....and decide on my response, but its mostly the same.

    If he wants something he knows he cant have (his favorite is power cords/points!!! ), there's no giving in. He cant have it...He gets told no he cant have it, and its put up. I try and distract him....at this stage he is usually upset, i offer a cuddle...he either accepts it or pushes me away...but im always there and ready for when he is ready. Once he is calm, I explain he cant play with them, they are ouchies.

    Other times, if he needs to wait, IE, he wants to be picked up, just because he wants to be picked up, and i have yukky hands from preparing dinner... He needs to wait a little, and ill wash my hands and pick him up.

    If you want to use time out, then i suggest reading up strategies from a professional on how to go about it in an age appropriate way....Its effective when done properly, but can end in disaster and frustration if not done properly.

    Some things you may like to think about...

    Can you do something at times when feeding DD with him? Read a book, put on his favorite DVD or something?

    Try to limit his access to things he shouldnt have/touch. Put them up or away, block them off etc... so he can just "be" while you are busy?

    Try to make time for 1 on 1 with him when DD is asleep or contented.

    Could you have some pre-prepared healthy snacks for times when he wants things/in the fridge? Some crackers in a container, grapes, strawberries etc? If you are busy and he wants something, a few grapes wouldnt fill him up too much, but may distract him from the fact that dinner is still 10mins away.

    Its also very hard for young children to accept that mummy/daddy have to look after this new baby. They dont like sharing toys, so why should they share mummy or daddy?? Its such a change for him to adjust too, and in time he will grow out of them, tantrums dont last forever!

    Whatever approach you take, be consistent, and make sure that he understands what is happening, otherwise things wont improve. Keep in mind his age and the change that has happened. And stay strong.

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