I think we all come first. I have an only child and I really think if I had the attitude that he comes first always I would have a little emperor on my hands. We all have our needs met. We all have our reasonable wants met. We spend time together and apart.
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16-12-2012 18:20 #21Senior Member
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16-12-2012 18:26 #22
Who comes 'first' in your household?
My kids starting from the youngest up...
16-12-2012 18:35 #23
It depends on what you mean by 'first'. Like if it's 'at the expence of...' or what exactly....is it the person you're putting first or the marriage?
For me...I put our health first(including mental health) then my marriage next, then my kids (everything), then my husband (everything else) then my pets. But never 'at the expence of', if you understand that.
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16-12-2012 18:42 #24
Sounds like on the ep of wife swap they put their marriage first ...but....at the expense of their children which I will never agree with. Like we put our marriage first because I believe it's important to our family as a whole that we stay connected to each other. But if doing so caused us to not be able to meet our children's needs then obviously the balance is all wrong.
16-12-2012 18:44 #25
Who comes 'first' in your household?
DD is only young so she is both mine and DHs priority because she needs a lot more attention at this age. My kids will always come first but that doesn't mean my relationship has to suffer. Me and DH still spend every night together, talking, having a bath, watching a movie. DD has a sleep over once a week so that's more quality time.
Weekends are always family days. As DD and this coming bub get older, I'm sure the dynamics will change but when it comes down to it kids will come first and DH agrees but like I said, I don't think your relationship should have to suffer because of this.
16-12-2012 18:46 #26
Re: Who comes 'first' in your household?
Deserama I'm similar to you.. I try to put both mine and dh's health first. There is sometimes an off balance but dh has a brain injury so on an off day he has to be put first. After that we both come pretty equally but once this bub comes that will all change
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16-12-2012 19:13 #27
Nobody really comes "first."
Everyone has needs, and we try to make sure those needs are met. Wants are another thing. If it's doable, then people will get their wants. If a need and want clash, then the need comes first. Pretty simple really.
Obviously, if it was so basic as "only one of us can eat dinner tonight," then DD would come first, but it's not like that here, so nobody has ever really needed to come first.
Sometimes, the wants of others will come at the slight burden of the rest.
I don't want anyone thinkink they've got priority in the family, above all others, not even DD. I want her to know I'll be there for her when she needs me... but that I won't always be there when she WANTS me... because sometimes, other stuff gets in the way (like work, other commitments, etc). Nobody always gets their way, nobody never gets their way. It's just a big balance... with no one person getting everything to the detriment of hte others.
16-12-2012 20:01 #28
It's just me and DD in our house so it's hard to really say. Generally I do put my health and sanity before her demands, yes. But pretty much everything I do is for her, and everything I'm doing for the future is for her.
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