I wish that I could have more but since having my second and suffering HELLP Syndrome and dieing on the thertre table .I have been told by doctors that I'm done and to have no more children. It makes me sad cause I wanted 4.
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15-12-2012 11:54 #11
15-12-2012 12:40 #12
The other cost we've factored in is schooling. If we decide to go private (which is a strong possibility) we're facing $20k a year each child. With 3 kids this is doable, but not with 4.
We still want holidays, and to travel a lot with the kids. DH has a sabbatical in a few years and our dream is to take them all to Antarctica. Traveling with 3 is expensive (most hotels require 2 rooms) but with 4 it isn't really possible for us.
Again these are the factors which made us not regret having anymore.
15-12-2012 22:06 #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2011
schooling is a big thing, DH went to private high school and hated it and said ours wont be going to private highschool but yet DD1 is off to a private catholic primary next year, hes hoping they drill her with how to be a good student that she will know what is expected of her in high school ( lol it but to me its not worth a fight bout ) we live in a 3 bedroom house atm and the girls share which is OK. we live simple dont over do thing and we are already classed as a big family so if we go on holidays we already need the 2nd bedroom and pay extra as its not 2 adults 2 kids, plus we love camping etc so just a bigger tent........
ive told DH i dont think im done, he just wants me to push it aside until DS is at least 2-3 yrs, still its hard when i look at him i just know im not done
14-02-2013 10:12 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2011
Yes i'm at where you are right now, I have been tossing and turning in regards to having 4, we always said 4, it was our number. We currently have 3, bub number 3 is nearly 1 and this is the first time I haven't been pregnant within the year of having a bub. I keep trying to ok that i'm "done" but I just can't shake it, I just feel like I need to go for it one last time. Hubby knows how I feel, everytime I say "ok fine im done" he says "you'll change your mind again" and I always do! lol I think we do just need to have one more, I think I would regret it for sure if I don't. We're lucky that schooling isn't an issue, we have a great primary school just around the corner and an exceptional public college just down the road. Our house isn't huge but we could easily make it work and we've just bought a car suitable for another bubba.
Financially I think we'd be fine, emotionally it'll be tough because our 2nd DD has behavioural problems and she is quite draining but the other 2 are very easy going. I think at the end of the day for me it comes down to the fact that I will only live once, so why not go again?
So i'm just waiting for the day when I see double lines.. we're not preventing it and I do think if I had a 4th one I would feel complete fully because it's what i've always desired and I feel like I "JUST" have enough energy to do it one more time.
We hope to travel too, luckily we have 3 beautiful grandparents who are more then willingly and wanting to watch our children so we could always travel as a couple if we wished. We'd like to take the kids on local holidays and a few interstate, also plan to do a road trip through N.Z in the years to come. I think it's do-able, plenty of motels/hotels/accomodation have a queen bed in 1 room then 2 bunks in another.
I think if you're going to regret it then it's worth doing it.. life is too short for regrets that big!
14-02-2013 10:46 #15
I would say my husband is in the same situation as you. We have 2 girls and 1 boy and I do believe I'm done, I feel like we're complete. DH doesn't and can't seem to shake the feeling that 4 is the number. Its the cause of some conflict between us at times. Our son is still only a baby, and I said I would have to wait until he was 2 to even begin to think about it. We are lucky that we are young, so we have time on our side, even though its kind of difficult for me to fall pregnant. DH wants another because he loves kids and I think secretly hopes for a second boy, a playmate for DS. But I see it to be much more stress, more money, bigger car, bigger house and not to mention I'd have to put off my studying again for another few years. But I can see DH struggles when I say I feel done.
I'm not sure anything I've said it helpful, since its from the other side, but its been good to read your responses. I guess I don't know if I could live the rest of my life with DH's regret at not having another child? I don't know.
12-05-2013 21:23 #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2011
Has anyone found their answer since replying??
im still tossing it up, some days i think yep and others No, its getting to the easy stage with my younger but i still miss being pregnant even though it was hard i miss everything except for the sleepless nights! Dh is still 100% no and i said well he needs the snip coz i AinT!!!
12-05-2013 21:38 #17
I wasn't tossing it up I knew we were done but just before Christmas I found out I was pregnant. Total shock.
I'm 25 weeks now and still find it hard to believe some days. I often feel extremely tired and worried too about how I'll cope with 4 (we have no family support) but then I think it's only a few short years while they're little.
We've had to get a bigger car and look into either moving or adding a floor to our house, so it's expensive. I'm definitely not sorry, but I do have my days when I yearn for the baby years to be behind me.
12-05-2013 22:10 #18
I am currently pregnant with number 3, DF and I have 'decided' to some degree that this is our last.
I have an issue with this (even though I have told df I am on board about being done) due to always wanting to have 4. I never ever wanted 3. I always wanted 2 relatively close in age (dd and ds are 20 months apart), have a 3-4 year gap, then 2 more again quite close in age.
Even though I do want 4, I am scared of having such a close age gap again. This bub will have the same age gap from ds and he has from dd. (20 months), but due to my own experiences and childhood, would need to have a similar age gap should we decide to go for number 4.
I could not have 3 close in age all with a sibling to play with and then have a bub 4 years younger than his or her closest sibling. (Purely my own issue)
But again. Fearful of always feeling un-finished having babies.
Sorry if that didnt help at all.
ETA - df works away as well and we have no family close by (all on the other side of the country) so that has to be a factor for us as well.
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Last edited by Turk EnJayDee; 12-05-2013 at 22:13.
12-05-2013 22:29 #19
While we are hoping for a third which would definitely be the final for us I am fairly certain if we didn't have a third I would be ok with it. A third would be nice but if it isn't the way it works out we would be happy with our 2 boys. What will be will be and that's the way it is, no point in worrying about it, just accept it is my motto.
11-11-2016 16:59 #20
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