So I'm very young and still freaking out about my pregnancy. I'm excited but talking to my step brother today (he's just graduated from uni and is about to start his internship next year and has gone through all the training for abortions/pregnancy as well as all the other usual doctor stuff) and he's starting to make me think maybe I shouldn't be having this baby. I just don't know what to do anymore. Sure it would be convenient for me to not be pregnant, continue the uni life and all but then I just can't stand the idea of not only murdering my child but also being completely irresponsible and not taking the consequences of my actions.
I don't have that connection with my bub like I felt with a previous pregnancy (which I miscarried at 10 weeks) but I kind of get a bit excited when I think about it. I have a history of depression so everyone thinks I will get pnd, which I suppose is quite likely as fob wants nothing to do with me so I'll be doing it on my own as well.
I really don't know what to do anymore. Before I saw my step brother today everyone was so supportive of me continuing the pregnancy except fob (however he also isnt supportive of talking to me after I found out about all his lies, long other story there) but now I'm just so confused. As much as I'd love to be able to have casual drinks with my friends, not having to watch my diet and lifestyle and just be completely irresponsible, I also don't want to end up like my sister who is getting close to not being able to have kids is living the party life of a teenager and is going quite wild. I know I will want children in a few years and that once I see the bub for the first time or even feel it's kicks before that, I will develop my bond. The thought of an abortion scares me as much as having a baby. What if I regret it? What if I regret not having it?
I really need other opinions please. I'm so lost now.
I want the kid but I also don't know how much of that is me being stubborn and I don't know what's best for the kid anymore.
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14-12-2012 17:29 #1
14-12-2012 17:42 #2
No one can tell you whether or not you should have your baby... But what is it that your brother said that's making you doubt yourself?
I hope that whatever decision you make, you are not making it out of fear or uncertainty. You can't 'undo' a termination.
Drinking, to me, is not a reason to terminate. Uni, to me, is not a reason to terminate. No support from fob, to me, is not a reason to terminate.
What reasons do you think are acceptable to you to terminate this pregnancy?
14-12-2012 17:51 #3
He's just got me questioning my abilities and maturity. I'm not much of a drinker anyway so that doesn't bother me, especially as I hate going out to drink. Uni I have a plan to get through so that's also no reason to terminate. I think mostly he's gotten me scared of the responsibility and it's making me doubt how sure I am to be able to provide for a child. I honestly don't know. I think ultimately I don't think I could bring myself to terminate, but I'm just so confused now.
14-12-2012 17:58 #4
Re: So Confused
I think that you are doing the mature thing by not rushing into a decision.
You said before talking to your step brother that everyone else supported you. That is great! You can do it even without FOB.
If you are scared because you don't know how you are going to look after the baby etc that is good you are figuring it out now. You have plenty of time to read and figure those things out
To me it sounds like you would regret terminating so I really encourage you to talk to someone about it and know that plenty of mothers continue uni and cope without a partner.
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14-12-2012 17:59 #5
Can I ask how far along you are? Depending how far along you are may take the decision out of your hands.
I just remember when I was young and partying and hanging out with my friends, renting and had a sh1tty car, there was no way that I would have been ready emotionally or mentally or financially for a baby. My parents would have been supportive and so would the other members of my family but I wouldn't have been ready. I take my hat off to the single mums out there that do it in their own, often without family help.
I guess you really need to sit down and work out the pros and cons of either having the baby or not having the baby. Sometimes taking your emotions out of it can help.
My sister had a termination when she was 18. She is now married (to someone else) with two beautiful kids so having a termination doesn't mean it's your last chance for a baby.
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14-12-2012 18:27 #6
I'm just over 8 weeks now.
I'm renting in a uni share house at the moment but if I go ahead I will be moving into my own unit just before bubs is due (when I'm about 30 weeks). My dad has helped me already think of some plans to look after bub and continue uni, financially my fallback is centrelink until I finish uni and am working (that's not ideal as my family have always prided themselves on working instead, but I doubt id be able to work enough to support a baby while studying and looking after it and its what centrelink is there for - to help when you really need it).
I don't know what the best thing to do is anymore. I go to Facebook and see all my friends posting about their alcoholic/spontaneous/carefree adventures and I remember some of the times with hanging with my close mates and I'm wondering if I continue with the pregnancy whether I will regret 'missing out on my early 20s' because I won't be able to do most of those things I've done with my mates. Then again there will still be a lot I can do with bub, and the hippy spiritual side of me starts to think that maybe this is just meant to be.
14-12-2012 18:39 #7
Hi OP, this is a very big decision and only you can decide what is a reason to keep or not to keep, nobody else can tell you what the wrong or right reasons are. My only thoughts for you are about living by yourself with a newborn and studying, the reality of this is massive. I think you need to consider the fact that you may not be able to study and look after a newborn whilst living alone. The reality is that yes you will not be able to do those things you mentioned with your mates. Your life changes completely and it is something that is almost impossible to prepare for unless you have done it already. Don't go into this with rose coloured glasses, go into and think very carefully about the type of life you want. I think you should book in for some counselling before you make this decision, they are usually available for free. All the best with making the decision which is right for you and only you
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14-12-2012 18:43 #8
I don't know what I would've done in your situation at your age. I think I probably would've terminated as I had a dream of studying to be a teacher, working and then travelling the world...all of which I did! I have no regrets, am now pregnant with # 3, due any day now.
Nobody can tell you what to do, but raising a baby is hard enough without having to do it alone on very limited income. As long as you are prepared for that, then all is good!
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14-12-2012 18:59 #9
You can do things later. I had a career before a baby, I travelled, I drank like a fish and had an active social life. Big deal, I can do those again when the kids have grown up. However I can't take any pregnancy or child for granted - what if I have fertility problems later in life? I could not choose to delay being a parent out of convenience. Your life will not be ruined as a parent. You can study whenever.
I am pro choice and although the reasons above aren't enough for me to consider termination clearly a woman's reasons are her own and only need to be valid to her. Nobody else matters in this decision.
It's heavy, OP. Hope you sort it out. As for not feeling connected, well I haven't been connected to either of my babies in pregnancy; only once my daughter emerged did I fall in love.
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14-12-2012 19:02 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
I had a TOP when third year of uni....I was 20. There was no way I ever wanted a baby back then....I made the right decision for me....I never once considered having the baby..I refused to even look at the ultrasound..so unlike yourself I never ever thought twice or had doubts at the time....i didnt regret it...however I needed ivf later to have children so had guilt issues etc and once I had my kids I knew I could never imagined having a termination again. I always say if u have any doubt don't do it..I knew a few ppl who had terminations when they were young and later on never met a partner / got married so never had kids etc and really regretted it. It's a hard decision for some....I knew some ppl that continued with uni and had a baby while doing it...u can do both if u want and have good support. Good luck.
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