I think it's realistic if the bio parents have rules/guidelines in place & they follow them.
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13-12-2012 20:51 #41Senior Member
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50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?
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13-12-2012 20:52 #42
The parents each had their own bedroom with ensuite in the house that they locked when they left.
It has also only become apparent recently that the parenting/friendship relationship between the mum and dad wasn't always exactly amicable - in fact, they really don't like each other at all. This was a huge shock to my friend, as she never once saw any ill feelings between either parent while growing up. All three girls have strong relationships with both parents now - though I would say they are probably closer to their mum but that is probably more due to personalities than anything else.
13-12-2012 20:54 #43
As someone who is actually coming from the perspective of a young child in the situation, I'd really like to hear the perspective of others who were in this situation as children who's patent's had 50/50 custody? And how did you find this arrangement?
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13-12-2012 21:18 #44
Without reading anything more than the OP... No, I don't, not in most situations and certainly not for older children.
I would have HATED this kind of arrangment as a teenager. It was bad enough being shipped back and forth for holidays/Wednesday nights/every 2nd weekend.
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mama and her little bearxxx (13-12-2012)
13-12-2012 21:40 #45
13-12-2012 21:53 #46
There was a good story on 50/50 custody arrangements on the 7.30 Report a couple of years ago. Unfortunately the video is no longer available, however the transcript can be accessed here.... http://www.abc.net.au/news/2008-06-0...-apart/2459210.
A psychologist they spoke to did a small study of kids in 50/50 arrangements (only 260 families) and found 28% were suffering "acute emotional distress", which is over a quarter of the children in the study! One mother thought her children were learning to compartmentalise their lives and not talk about anything that happened at the other parents house.
they also spoke to a family it is working for.
This article is interesting. http://www.abc.net.au/news/2009-08-2...hurting-childr. It refers to 2 further studies being commissioned by the Federal Government.
I must admit I dont know many families in this situation (2 to be exact). one family i know had a 50/50, week on/week off arrangement, and after about 5 years of this, the child decided at the age of 13 that she would spend majority of the time with her Mum, and visit her Dad on weekends. When the child was with her father, he would not let the mother call, nor let the child call her Mother, which I think would be distressing for any parent and child. The other family is a situation where 2 girls, 9 & 11, spend one week with Mum and her hubby and their 2 kids, then the next they are with Dad and his wife and their 2 kids. Seems to be working at this stage.
i personally don't believe moving between 2 houses would be the best outcome for a child however that said I really don't know what is the best way to deal with the issue and i hope and pray that I am never in a position to find out.
Last edited by GirlsRock; 14-12-2012 at 07:19.
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Stiflers Mom (14-12-2012)
13-12-2012 21:54 #47
50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?
Friends of DH and I have shared care 50/50 of their DD who is 2. Personally while the parents seem happy with the arrangement I do think it is very unstable for their DD. There is absolutely no consistency in routine or discipline between the two parents - dad doesn't believe in routine and lets dd stay up till 1am sometimes, where mum is trying to stick to an early bedtime. Mum does time out, dad doesn't believe in any discipline. Dad was saying today he is toilet training but when I asked, apparently this isn't happening at mum's house. My DS is around the same age and I know something as simple as altering his nap routine can throw him out of whack and make him grumpy.
I think kids thrive on consistency and knowing what to expect. I'm not sure how this works when they constantly being moved from one house/one parent to another.
13-12-2012 21:54 #48
Re: 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?
I would too as my exdh wants 50/50 and im willing to compromise but am worried about the ramifications on my kids.
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13-12-2012 22:31 #49
Works for my sister, ex BIL and their kids.
Mums place ... Monday and Wednesday nights
Dad's place ... Tuesday and Thursday nights
Alternate Friday, Saturday Sunday nights with alternate parents.
They started the arrangement when my neice and nephew were 5 and 7 - they are now 14 and 16 and I have to say that they are two of the most secure, settled and happy teens that I have met in a very long time.
My sister and ex BIL parent together. They agreed on how to parent, what boundaries etc were non negotiable and then just spent their lives loving their kids, just in seperate houses. The kids adapted very quickly and BIL went from a workaholic to a man that made sure he finished early on the days he had his kids. They have had quality time and care from both parents and both parents trust each other to always do the very best for their kids.
There have been new partners etc, even a little brother (and little sister, sadly born sleeping *rest peacefully sweet Grace*), and through all of these changes, the other parent has been respectful and never caused strife or spoken ill of their ex or new partner. They have made their children a priorty and it has worked.
13-12-2012 22:35 #50A psychologist they spoke to did a small study of kids in 50/50 arrangements (only 260 families) and found 28% were suffering "acute emotional distress".
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