So I need some help. My DH has ALWAYS been hesitant to buy a house. He always says it would be awesome to own our own house, it would be awesome to not be paying off someone else's mortgage. BUT as soon as I start talking about actually doing it, he freaks out. He doesn't want to be stuck living in the same area for ever. He sees it as he will never go over seas or go on another holiday because we will have a mortgage to pay. He doesn't seem to understand that the money I save from our incomes every week would then not need to be saved for a house deposit, but could be put towards a holiday!! I think his biggest thing is just being stuck in Sydney, as we have always talked about moving away eventually. But in saying that, it's years before we could possibly move away!!?? And he knows this!
We now have an opportunity to buy our own house, with just a small change to our original plan. There will need to be two houses, or a granny flat, as my mum will be coming to live with us for a couple years. For the last 4 years my mum has been caring for her dying parents. My grandad passed away first, and a stroke has now taken my nan. My parents are divorced, and my brother and I both live in Sydney. Since I have become pregnant (my mums first grandchild) mum has been getting very grandmotherly and having something to look forward to. So she has decided she wants to move to Sydney to be near us. She wants to be here to help, as I will be trying to finish my degree after bub is born. And she would be giving us quite a substantial help with our deposit so that our repayments would be smaller. She won't be working, which is why she wouldn't buy her own house, and she wants to help DH and I buy our first home. I see a lot of positives here, and only a few negatives. DH keeps thinking of negatives. He doesn't understand that my mum is a very independent person, and isn't going to be in our business. And isn't going to be telling us what to do. He keeps thinking of what it would be like living with HIS mum - a complete nightmare!
Does anyone have any advice? How can I make him understand it would be temporary, not for 40 years until my mum passes away?
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11-12-2012 09:03 #1
Help appreciated - DH always hesitant to buy a house
11-12-2012 10:03 #2
My DH is somewhat similar. He wants his own house but as soon as I crack down and start the savings he freaks out and goes "we're only young, we don't need a house, we'll never be able to travel around, we can't just up and move if we hate our neighbours." and so on.
We also plan to do something like you in having MY mum live with us, as she is too old to get a home loan on her own, she doesn't have enough working years left. That doesn't scare him at all as they get along fine - so it would be VERY easy for us all to save and buy a house.
But he keeps getting cold feet. Can you do what I'm doing and start saving anyway? Have that money. When you've got enough tell him "alright now is the time to look at buying our house, I'll give you a day or two to really think about what you want and to decide where" because you might want to buy away from where you are and then go from there. I know as soon as I've got the money for the deposit and say to DH "alright, we're picking our location and house today" he'll be fine, because the hard yards have been done without him stressing. He knows I'm saving btw, its not a secret plan to ambush him with either. He says "where is the extra $few hundred" and I'll say "in the house fund. I'd like to paint my bedroom wild green one day without asking a real estate."
11-12-2012 10:11 #3
Would you consider getting (and can you afford) an investment house so that you have your foot in the real estate door? The rent from that may cover most of the mortgage, if you buy right it will go up in value, there are some good tax benefits for owning a rental, and you are free to live where you like until you can find an area you would both be happy with.
11-12-2012 14:18 #4
Help appreciated - DH always hesitant to buy a house
Bubs'n'roses - we have a deposit saved. He knows I've been saving money from both our incomes. Although its not as much as I would like because we have been a bit bad since getting pregnant - buying things for bub instead of saving it. And we bought a second car for DH as it was getting annoying having to swap.
Yes!! I want to be able to paint the babies room! And be able to put photos on the wall. I can't do anything, because we have to write a letter stating what and where and wait for them to give us permission. And then we need to fix it when we leave. It's not worth the drama.
Two nights ago I told him the plan, and he had to decide. After thinking about it and then us having a conversation about it, he was on board. But then flipped and changed when I said that I wanted mum down here as she would be lonely up the coast without any family. Because then I think he got a picture in his mind of my mum living with us for forever. I dropped the topic then, because I knew we would get in a fight. But all I meant was, I wanted her in the same area as us, she would move once she had sold the house up the coast and had the money to buy her own house outright. But until then, she'd be with us, and able to help us with more of a deposit and with the baby.
DH loves my mum. Gets along great with her. But he moved out of his family home at 15 because he wasn't getting along with his mum. And he doesn't like to be told what to do - fiercely independent. So we would have to have some ground rules so that it wouldn't be like we are living together.
SpecialPatrolGroup - I was going to use the house we buy in Sydney as the investment house if/when we move up the coast. I would rather be living in a house we own and can do things to, and then either rent or sell it when we move. Because just to be honest, I really doubt we will move. My DH's brother, nephew, business, everything, is down here. As much as I would love to move to the coast, he would miss his brother and nephew terribly, and wouldn't have a job or business like he has here. **shrugs** but my DH doesn't see that...
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