What a magical world you live in. Can you point me in the direction of my "step child love switch"
It's been nearly 8 years and I still can't find it.
I'd crawl out of my skin if he ever called me mum... *shudder*
I would scratch a woman's eyes out if she tried to parent and be a mother to my son with his bio father.
I'm so lucky he's a complete and utter self centred narcissist who can't maintain a relationship.
His last GF got spun the whole "I'm such a great dad, it's so hard etc etc" and was buying DS presents without ever meeting him after 2 weeks!
It was hilarious.
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09-12-2012 20:07 #21
Learn your place?
Last edited by faroutbrusselsprout; 09-12-2012 at 20:12.
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09-12-2012 20:08 #22Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
I don't have stepkids, and never been in that position - so my answer is purely from a hypothetical POV.
I can see why it could be upsetting - especially if you bear ill will toward the new partner (e.g., if your husband had an affair and left you for the new person).
My instinct is that I would feel horrible if DD called anyone else mum, or if anyone else (especially someone I hated) 'claimed' her in that way. I would feel jealous, possessive, and resentful of the whole situation.
However, I can also see the flip side - that you would want your kid to be loved and treated well by the new person.
Buuuut if you saw the new person as an evil interloper that has broken up your family and is now trying to take your kids... then.... hmmm...
I guess it depends on the reason for the break-up and how accepting (or otherwise) you are of the current situation.
09-12-2012 20:12 #23
09-12-2012 20:13 #24Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
I find I am a bit hypocritical on this issue because it depends. I would feel pretty peeved if my son's step mum tried to tell me how to parent as her and ex have DS a handful of times per year. She knows her niece better than my DS. If she tried to claim she's his mum I wouldn't be offended but miffed, she is a wonderful person, but DS barely knows her.My DP on the other hand has raised him since he was a very young toddler. Pays for all of his needs without question or resentment. Tucks him in at night. Goes out of his way to ensure he is healthy and gets a good education. My DS doesn't have a very good role model in his bio father so in my opinion, my DP plays this role.
09-12-2012 20:13 #25
09-12-2012 20:15 #26
Learn your place?
I'm completely honest and open about my situation and I know for a fact some people are completely appalled by how I see things in my blended family. But I'm completely at peace and happy to discuss it.
My DH has raised my DS since he was 14mths old and refers to him as "his". My DS has very limited contact with his interstate biological father and sees DH as his Dad. DH has completely taken on the role of being his dad and they have a very strong relationship.
If DS's bio dad ever tried to dictate to us what DH should/shouldn't be doing/saying etc. It would be completely disregarded. He has basically given up all rights to do so with the amount of contact he has chosen to have with DS.
As a step parent, I'm the opposite!
09-12-2012 20:18 #27
Re: Learn your place?
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09-12-2012 20:19 #28
I love(d) my step-dads, but call(ed) them by name. Dad was part of my life so I think it would have hurt his feelings to call my step-father Dad.
09-12-2012 20:20 #29
I am very conscious of 'my place' as a step mum. I am more than happy to play a distant second to her mum. That's the way it should be IMO.
09-12-2012 20:23 #30
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