Mathermy and fluffy ducks I would love to hear more from a step child's perspective about all this..
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10-12-2012 14:04 #91Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
Learn your place?
10-12-2012 14:04 #92
Looks like I posted while other posts were happening.
Please dont feel like you need to reply FOB....I think you have answered my question in your subsequent posts.
10-12-2012 14:05 #93
10-12-2012 14:07 #94
Learn your place?
DH is acutely aware that love cannot be switched on and off.
He fell in love with a tiny toddler without a Dad.
I met an awkward 8yr old who I barely saw as I worked weekends for the first 2 years of our r/s.
The situations could never ever even compare.
Its not about "effort" trust me, I don't choose to feel like this.
And yes, my statement relates to how strongly I feel about SS not being mine or being a mother figure to him. The concept makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.
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10-12-2012 14:07 #95
For example....in regards to the tatoo situation. I understand why a parent would choose only their biological childrens names, however, think about how gut wrenching that would feel for a young person. It's really sad. I know a lot of beautiful blended families, who are amazing. But I know realistically it's not always like that. There are so many blended famillies where kids feel out of place now. Divorce rate is extremely high, not to mention broken families that aren't married in the first place so don't count in the statistics. I also understand that its extremely hard for the adults too. At least adults can logically understand and sort through their feelings, where as children aren't as good at doing that.
I'm not placing any blame, I just think it's really sad!
10-12-2012 14:11 #96
10-12-2012 14:11 #97
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10-12-2012 14:12 #98Senior Member
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- Nov 2007
My best friend from high school told me she felt like my parents cared for her more than her own parents did. Her stepdad was abusive, and her mum was also abused and incredibly run down - she did nothing about it. Her stepmum made it abundantly clear that she wasn't HER child and that her boys were far more important than her and her brother. She did get a tattoo of the boy's names and deliberately left her and her brother off.
That situation is a little different though because for her, NOBODY vouched for her. Nobody stood up for her. Nobody loved her or wanted her. The tattoo thing does stand out so I'm bl00dy glad DP doesn't like them.
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Chew the Mintie (10-12-2012)
10-12-2012 14:13 #99
Learn your place?
I'm going to have an official step-son one of these days and to be honest........... I am not looking forward to it.
I have a son whom I love very much, he's my absolute favourite child and I think everyone should love him, especially my boyfriend. My son is 3 and adorable, a bit of a brat but very sweet when he wants to be. He's not messed up, as he doesn't have contact with his nut job birth father so it's just us and my parents and brothers.
My potential step son, on the other hand.... Well. He's 7 and messed up. His parents were on again off again for all of his life. His mother is a complete psychopath and cheated in his dad and had another baby, then split up with the babydaddy, and so my bf moved back into her house to raise her kids with her, then she forced him to move out again. She tells my potential SS that his daddy doesn't like him, and that he's too busy for him, and that when he has to go away for work that he's abandoning him cos he's naughty. None of that is remotely true. The boy tells lies. He's over sensitive and cries at the drop of a hat. He throws enormous tantrums for no reason at really inopportune times. He has his moments of being sweet, but mostly he's rude and dismissive of my son, who wants to be his friend.
I don't blame this boy for who he is; he's a product of a lousy home environment and an emotionally abusive, manipulative mother. But. I do not love him. I barely like him. He doesn't know. Trust me, he doesn't know. I rarely see him so this is not a difficult charade to keep up. His dad doesn't know that I don't expect to ever feel more than an obligation towards him.
Don't crucify FOB for having the courage to be honest when so many others feel a similar way. It's natural. It's normal. Come into a child's life at age 3 is a heck of a lot different that at age 7, when they've already developed a strong personality and been messed up by others in their life.
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10-12-2012 14:13 #100
My step-mum has affection for us, that's shown in her continued interest in our lives since we've moved out of our parents care, but we were never ever equal to her children and I don't think we should've been.
I was forced to emancipate as soon as I turned 16 as my step-mothers adult daughter had gotten pregnant and was moving into our home which was already bursting at the seams, I shared a room with 4 boys for a couple of months, then emancipated...
I had resentment towards my dad as it was his job to provide somewhere for me to live, but being my step-mothers house I was very aware that her daughters needs came before mine, so I resented him for being in a position where he couldn't provide for me. She was just doing what a parent does for her child.
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