Ok so I'm having a really down day so WARNING this is a very whoa is me post.
We sold our house and moved from to a cheaper city (7 hours away) about 8 months ago so that we could get out of our accumulating debt and I could stay at home with DD because I was very depressed having went back to work full time since she was 3 months. Me and Dh fought all the time and his parents caused lots of issues (we worked for them and its a long story). We didn't think we could have anymore children and I wanted desperately to have some time at home with DD.
we were only here 3 months before I had an operation for endo and to separate my organs that had bound together ( many Dr in Canberra and all said I was fine, first Dr in melbourne and he found the cause of my issues at first appt).
So now I am 14weeks pregnant and should be delighted BUT I'm completely freaked out and not excited at all. I'm scared being in a city where I literally know no one and will be at home with two children. I miss my friends like crazy and am sad that I won't have them around to just pop in and visit or lend a hand when bub is born. I don't even know what we are going to do with DD whilst I am having this bub yet.
I have no idea how to meet people. I chat with other mums at the park etc but these are always different people and more a 'your child is lovely, nice day' etc type conversations. Hardly likely to lead to a friendship. I tried organizing meet ups with other bub hub mums but there is very few in my area. DH has asked if I want to move back and I do but there is no way we can live in Canberra on one wage and it would take all our savings just for moving costs. I know melbourne has better job opportunities and more things to see and do but I'm just so damn lonely and becoming very depressed. How do others with no friends or family around them cope? how do you meet people and fill your days?
I think it's worse at the moment because two of my friends are now on mat leave ( and another works part time) so I hear about all the catch ups and play dates and when I was working I didn't have much time for that and now I'm not working but I'm 7 hours away.
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05-12-2012 14:08 #1
Feeling very down and lonely.
05-12-2012 14:18 #2
I moved from Melbourne to a regional town about a year ago so I kind of understand where you're at. Have you joined a mothers group? I find this really important to go to just to touch base with other mums. Once you've met a few you might live near you can have coffee or walks together every now and then. I put my DS into daycare and went back to work 2 days. I'm stopping this soon but keeping him 1 day a week in daycare. This give me a break and a chance to get other things done, maybe do yoga, shopping whatever you enjoy. I find it's important for me to be really proactive with getting out and about otherwise it can become a bit like groundhog day.
Have you thought about daycare/kinder for DD? I'm not sure where in Melbs you are but there can sometimes be a bit of a wait for this, checking a few out could be a good way to break up your day.
Hope things improve for you!
Oh I just saw you're in north melbourne!! Thats where I moved from! Join the library on errol st and speak to MCHN about getting into a mothers group. Theres a great dr on errol st that can help with lots of this stuff too - pm me if you like.
05-12-2012 14:29 #3
Awww Jez i can't help but just wanted to send you hugs
I moved to Melbourne on my own when I was 22 for 6 months and it was awful. I find it really hard to live without my family close by so I commend you for lasting this long! Do what your heart wants Jez. At the end of the day money can be replaced but those moments with family you can never get back. Not trying to convince you to move or anything but if it's where your heart is, then just do it. You'll recover financially. Things always end up working out the way they're supposed to. I have a very strong feeling you'll be back home in less than two months
05-12-2012 14:50 #4
I moved a few times when my kids were babies/toddlers, and it was really hard being away from family and friends, esp with a new bub on the way. The best advice I have is to get involved in playgroup with you 3yo, make yourself go every week so you begin to form relationships with the other mums there, and you soon find you become involved in activities outside of playgroup. At one point I was going to playgroup 2-3 times a week and ryhme time at the library, just so I was interacting with other mums with kids similar ages to mine! I soon found people I clicked with. Put yourself out there...its hard, but worth it in the end
05-12-2012 15:32 #5
We moved to Perth when I was 6 months pregnant with DS1 and knew no one. It was incredibly hard after DS was born as I was home with a 2 year old (and a very demanding one) and a newborn. I joined playgroups, mother's group, went to the library, when to toddler gym - I literally did everything imaginable. I mainly met people who became my friends through DD1's school (I know you don't have that option).
The way I saw it I could either feel miserable (and trust me there were lots of days that I did) or get out there and keep doing everything I could possibly think of to keep busy.
We had moved from Melbourne and I felt like my heart was ripped from my chest. One of my closest friends had a baby one month before DS1 and it was so hard knowing I could be hanging out with her and not on my own all the time.
IF moving back to Canberra isn't really possible financially then you kind of have to embrace your new life and just jump in boots and all. I know I didn't and it took me so much longer to settle in. Living in Perth meant I didn't have to work (although I work now) and meant my DH was really happy (he loves his job). We'd have been miserable if we'd moved back to Melbourne, and it helped to keep reminding myself about that.
Can you start your DD is 3 yo kinder next year? That would be great for giving you a bit of a break and opportunity to get out and explore, and also more socialisation for her and you. I agree it's really hard to make friends just from the park and stuff.
05-12-2012 15:37 #6
Sorry, I have no advice, just wanted to give a hug.
05-12-2012 16:46 #7
being lonely is not a good feeling and I don't have much advise, just I hope things gets better. I wondered if you have any special hobbies and could maybe start your own group?
05-12-2012 20:16 #8
Feeling very down and lonely.
Thanks for your support everyone. I don't really have any hobbies or specific interests, I never really see to stick with anything. DD goes to child care 1 day a week where DH works so he takes her and picks her up. Since being pregnant I seem to use that day to sleep.
I have spent lots of the at looking at real estate . Com. A very small older 3 bed townhouse/unit is about $450 a week in Canberra and a new 3 bed, ensuite, larger living spaces etc are about $320 here. So there is a huge difference and we already have a very small amount left over after bills.
A friend is having her daughters birthday party this weekend and all my group of friends ill be there including the one who has just had a baby 2 weeks ago. DH has said we should go up even though it means getting there about midnight Friday and leaving Sunday morning, he wants me to see my friends. I'm afraid I will just turn into a hormonal teary mess though.
05-12-2012 20:21 #9Senior Member
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05-12-2012 20:38 #10
Gret website sunny!
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