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  1. #21
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    Default How to include family in birth without being in the birth room?

    Get her to clean your house, cook a heap of meals, weed the garden, do the washing etc while you are having the baby so the house is nice when you get home. This is about you after all, not her.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MummaOJ View Post
    Get her to clean your house, cook a heap of meals, weed the garden, do the washing etc while you are having the baby so the house is nice when you get home. This is about you after all, not her.
    Perfect. Included and useful.

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    Default How to include family in birth without being in the birth room?

    I am so thankful that my in laws are a good 5hr drive away, and I doubt they will come down weeks before the due date and just wait!

    That said:
    I think if you're not planning on telling anyone when you go into labour, let your MIL know, and get your DH to give regular updates? That way she's involved, but not actually there? Even have both sets of parents at your place with your DD and ask them just to do what ever you need done around the house while they wait. That way they can all be kept informed and know what's happening and your DD is looked after. And they can all come to the hospital when you're ready for them?

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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    Yep, I guess my point was that it is not something you should have to worry about. She is an adult, surely she understands that having a baby is between you and your DH. Have her help out with your older child, but don't put undue pressure on yourself to make her feel included. She is the grandma, she will be included in your bubs life.

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    Default How to include family in birth without being in the birth room?

    OP you said your DH wants MIL there, but what does she think of it? Is this just something your DH has decided would be nice or is your MIL pushing for it?

    I agree with everyone else, its not about others - birthing is an incredibly personal thing and I can't imagine having any extended family in the room! The only family allowed is DH and the one I'm pushing out lol!

    My ILs didn't want to be at the birth but really wanted to 'help' and be involved. During the pregnancy it was generally more stressful than helpful whenever we tried to involve them but they wanted so desperately to be a part of it and their heart was in the right place.

    For your MIL can you give her jobs to do as a PP mentioned? While i was in hospital my parents scrubbed the house top to bottom and my ILs did all our washing. It was great and we really appreciated it, and they all felt good about being useful.

    My parents live a few hours away so we gave them and my ILs the heads up once my labour was well under way. All our parents came to the hospital together a few hours after the birth (during visiting hours) and met DD before we announced the birth to anyone else. I think that's all grandparents can expect really.

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    Default Re: How to include family in birth without being in the birth room?

    Quote Originally Posted by DueInAugust View Post
    It's not that we don't agree with you all but I'm not seeing any ideas for other ways they can be involved. One lady has suggested getting MIL to have other child. Can anyone think of other ways as I can only send ds to one set of in-laws.

    Sent from my LG-P500 using BubHub
    She could be the one doing the running around for you both. Fetching food for your dh, snacks, drinks, batteries for camera, move car regularly if it is in timed area, take the first "family photo"afterwards. your could put her in charge of making phone calls if that's what you want (let her be the bush telegraph).

    In all reality it its very difficult to involve someone in the birth without them being in the room. there are other things they can do that would be a great help instead, maybe you could get her to be in charge of "something".

    Sent from my magical black talky thingy using BubHub

  8. #27
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    RoseKathleen is offline ...Yes - motherhood is a full-time job!
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    I reckon you tell your DH that next time HE gives birth he can invite his mother!

    Seriously! Firstly you need to be completely comfortable - you can't do that with your MIL - no matter what anyone says. My MIL gets uppity if I use the word **** in her hearing! what would she do if I let fly with a huge mouthful of words she has never heard of before?

    And secondly I felt extremely embarassed at all the people looking at me during my birth! My only consolation was that it was nothing they hadn't seen before and I would never see them again in my life.

    Don't give into your DH and MIL. It is your birth and you need to make happy memories - not let someone else live their happiness and the expense of yours.

    I was nervous as anything during my first birth - he was a planned c-section so MIL knew exactly what time he was being born. I had to get DH give her a stern talking to that she was NOT welcome at the hospital until we rang and invited her. Just knowing that she was half a suburb away waiting to "pounce" on my baby scared me. 5 years later I still have an irrational fear that she wants to take my children and raise them as hers. Make it clear from the start that she is JUST a grandparent.

    I didn't know the gender of either of my kids before they were born. I had a lot of second hand clothes and linen - so plenty of pinks and blues. I sorted all the baby clothes and washed the whites and yellows. All the others I put in boxes and gave to MIL and told her that once she knew the gender of the baby, could she please wash the correct colours and make sure they were waiting for me at home? She was so excited she washed them all - but I didn't hold that against her!


 

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