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  1. #1
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    Default "You're not really into this today." - Week 6, Day 6 - Blog 63

    This is what my husband said to me as he watched me do my Ripped workout this morning and he was right. A part of the change that I've made, though, is that I work out now even if I don't want to just because it's what I do.

    Before I go on with this blog because this is going to get confusing I'm sure, I need to tell you that a family member recently confided in me that she found it. If I had a Facebook, I would've certainly linked this to all my family and friends but since I don't, I've felt free to write about anything and everything. I'm fine with her reading this (*waves to T if she is*) but it was a reminder to me of how easily this blog can be found.

    Anyway, in general right now, I'm pretty happy with where I'm at. I'm feeling fit and healthy, I'm gaining my confidence back and I'm okay with not being pregnant for the first time in a long time. In fact, there's just one situation that's causing any trouble in my life.

    I'm so sorry because I'm going to talk in circles now. I have to get out the way that I'm feeling but I can't talk about this situation. In fact, part of my frustration is that there are only two people in the world that I can talk to openly about this and one of those people isn't speaking to me right now so I can't really vent and I'm keeping it all bottled up inside which is painful.

    I feel...heartbroken. Whenever I think about this situation, I find myself on the verge of tears. I'm having a terrible time sleeping because I keep waking and thinking about it. I've decided today to contact the work Employee Assistance Program and organise a counseling session so I can talk through it.

    I suppose in a sense, this is also a big change for me. Even when I was depressed after the miscarriage and people kept repeatedly telling me to seek counseling, I resisted. I pushed through because I couldn't accept my own weakness but I no longer want to wallow in my problems, not when everything else in my life is going so well. I need to get this situation sorted in my mind before it drives me insane.

    The one thing I'm proud of is that I haven't let this derail what I'm doing. The old me would've gone running for the comfort food at the slightest hint of confliction. So even thought this is tearing me apart inside on a daily basis, I'm coping far, far better than I would have before this challenge and I guess that's a good thing.
    Last edited by Apple iPhart6; 03-12-2012 at 09:48.

  2. #2
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    You doing great not to derail. It is so easy to give in but your not you are standing strong. I hope you get in to see someone soon. If you ever need a listening ear that won't judge you. I am here. You can pm anytime. I will give you my ph if you want to just talk.

  3. #3
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    Default "You're not really into this today." - Week 6, Day 6 - Blog 63

    Thanks hun, I really appreciate it. I just made an appointment to see a counsellor at 11:30am tomorrow. I spoke to my boss and she's fine with me going which is good. I started crying when I told her, it's a bit of a release to know I'm going to finally get some counseling. I also got emotional when the guy on the phone asked the question "are you at risk of harming yourself or others?". I'm not but it did upset me.

  4. #4
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    It is good that you got in so quick. I am glad your boss was supportive.

  5. #5
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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    I hope all went well today. You might find that you are feeling really drained/exhausted/hungover from emotionally sifting through all your *stuff*. I think you have to ride the wave and not fight it.

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    Default "You're not really into this today." - Week 6, Day 6 - Blog 63

    It was definitely a hard day. I cried so much during my session and afterwards I felt numb for awhile. I'm glad I did it, though, it has cleared up a lot of things in my mind.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Apple iPhart6 For This Useful Post:

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