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  1. #11
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    I think you're pretty lucky to get an "I'm sorry", not many men can do that. He may not have said I love you but I think it's there in his apology. Try to focus on the positives. At least he wants to help! Of course he will never know everything but giving advice (weather constructive or not) is better than nothing. Even though I often roll my eyes at DH's ideas some times, I often give them a go, just so he feels like he is involved. Sometimes it's nice to share the load. He has even gotten it right sometimes!

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    MothersMilk  (30-11-2012),smallpotatoes  (30-11-2012)

  3. #12
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    Default Very LONG vent...

    Yep I agree with the not trusting that I know... He still doesn't get why I refeed DD when she won't settle to sleep as she couldn't possibly be hungry...

  4. #13
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    Default Very LONG vent...

    My DH is great but some if his ideas concern me and make me worry about what he would do if I wasn't here!

  5. #14
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    Default Very LONG vent...

    I would let it go.. It sounds like at least he is actively trying to help and sometimes fathers can feel brushed aside iykwim, even if you don't take his advice on board, at least listen and consider it and make him feel a part of it.

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  7. #15
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    Yes Im inclined to just let it go. I'm going to assume the underlying issue is as you ladies mentioned, he feels left behind and he wants to be involved he just doesn't know how to be... SO I'll just try to guide him better and I will continue to go to the gym and leave him to do the evening routine. I was just so unprepared for dealing with this, its like having a second child that has to be reassured and guided instead of having a team partner who can pick up the slack...

    lets hope better times ahead!

  8. #16
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    Default Very LONG vent...

    Quote Originally Posted by ciaomamma View Post
    Yes Im inclined to just let it go. I'm going to assume the underlying issue is as you ladies mentioned, he feels left behind and he wants to be involved he just doesn't know how to be... SO I'll just try to guide him better and I will continue to go to the gym and leave him to do the evening routine. I was just so unprepared for dealing with this, its like having a second child that has to be reassured and guided instead of having a team partner who can pick up the slack...

    lets hope better times ahead!
    Good luck! Seriously just let him work it out. He will find a way that works for him and bub. Trust in the fact you married a man that's sensible.

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  10. #17
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    Default Very LONG vent...

    OP, have you told him her routine? Ie feed, rock and put her down? I used to think my DH knew what to do because he saw me do it every day/night. But they are pretty clueless sometimes and need it spelt out for them!

    Next week, tell him what to do and say something like "I know the cuddles are nice, but please put her down when she's asleep as I don't want another night like last week" and hopefully it will really click with him. And if it doesn't? As hard as it is, let him deal with it. They don't learn from their mistakes when we step in and take over or let them palm the problem off!! I found DH understood SO much better when I made him fix the problem he created!
    Last edited by Californication; 30-11-2012 at 11:35.

  11. #18
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    He's seen me do what I do many times... but I'll try to tell him. I wish I could leave him to fix the problems he creates (tried before) he'll just say she's hungry feed her...
    I'm going to show him the signs, I just hope he's open to taking it onboard

  12. #19
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    Default Very LONG vent...

    Quote Originally Posted by Californication View Post
    OP, have you told him her routine? Ie feed, rock and put her down? I used to think my DH knew what to do because he saw me do it every day/night. But they are pretty clueless sometimes and need it spelt out for them!

    Next week, tell him what to do and say something like "I know the cuddles are nice, but please put her down when she's asleep as I don't want another night like last week" and hopefully it will really click with him. And if it doesn't? As hard as it is, let him deal with it. They don't learn from their mistakes when we step in and take over or let them palm the problem off!! I found DH understood SO much better when I made him fix the problem he created!
    Agree. The sense of satisfaction they get from knowing they can look after their children without mum hovering is great! Good luck OP


 

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