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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    I'm upset/angry as I have every reason to hate him and exclude him but never have for DS's sake.
    Your DS will notice and appreciate that a lot when he is older. Much as DD likes to tell me she loves her Dad more than me, if I wasn't at a significant event she would be devastated.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    Ok thanks - I find these types of issues so incredibly difficult... Simply because I don't know a single person who has been in my situation (DS has never lived with his dad and I have 100% custody) And I have no-one to relate to.

    . It's all been amicable so far but since his partner doesn't come along when he visits etc. he's now under pressure (I suppose) to include her (and their kids) and do its becoming an issue. Their new son (DS's half brother) goes to an affiliate childcare centre - I know the people who run it etc. and he has organised for DS to go along ti the christmas party (he has a christmas party for his own centre as well) but lied to me and didn't tell me about it (because he's taking his family I presume). I'm upset/angry as I have every reason to hate him and exclude him but never have for DS's sake.
    Did he flat out lie and tell you he wasnt taking DS or do you think he just didnt think it was a big deal and it slipped his mind? I suppose it depends what your parenting agreement is. He is probably at a stage where he would like to attend events with both his son and his new family (which may mean without you) which i think he has every right to do. Maybe have a chat to him because it doesnt seem like you guys are on the same page.

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  5. #23
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    and all that the Lorax left here in this mess was a small pile of rocks with the one word...UNLESS
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    Oh cra.p I thought I put this in the single patent section, sorry, not sure how to move it.
    Done

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  7. #24
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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Default Is it ok for a non-custodial parent to exclude the custodial parent from events?

    I think if it's under his time, then it's perfectly acceptable and I wouldn't count it as my business.

    Have you tried just expressing your feelings to your ex and saying that something's you enjoy to do as a family and that includes his new partner and child?

    My parents were great growing up, after about 5 years of bitterness. They learnt a routine and when things were done together, or seperate and didn't mind if something was done without the other. Nower days both go along to things and talk like friends, each of my step parents go along too and everyone gets along. They took time to get to that stage and maybe it's just time that your family needs to get there too.

    Keep your chin up xx

  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bennos Mummy View Post
    Did he flat out lie and tell you he wasnt taking DS or do you think he just didnt think it was a big deal and it slipped his mind? I suppose it depends what your parenting agreement is. He is probably at a stage where he would like to attend events with both his son and his new family (which may mean without you) which i think he has every right to do. Maybe have a chat to him because it doesnt seem like you guys are on the same page.
    He flat out lied - I found out through mutual friends. Never mind coming along to DS's actual Christmas party, he'd rather take him to the affiliate centre's Christmas party (where his other son now goes).

    Just to reiterate, we have no actual agreement - he wasn't sure he was even going to be involved in DS's life at all but I encouraged it and then found out he was expecting another baby, so after putting me through all of that he has made an effort to do the right thing and let me call the shots with respect to things with DS. I would kill him if he tried to take DS from me and he knows it! So he won't go for legal custody but we have an unofficial arrangement. I guess him doing things like this behind my back makes me ffeel like he's trying to take DS away from me, which my head knows is silly.
    Last edited by Ellewood; 22-11-2012 at 15:34.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    For example, non-custodial parent goes behind custodial parent's back and organises a birthday party for the child - say for example when you decide not to do anything big this year - and doesn't confer with/invite custodial parent? Keeps it secret from the other parent?

    Is this perfectly acceptable, or seriously wrong?
    I would think so unless you both decide to consult and invite each other to everything. What you do with the child while in your care is your business as long as it isnt harming the child in anyway.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    Your DS will notice and appreciate that a lot when he is older. Much as DD likes to tell me she loves her Dad more than me, if I wasn't at a significant event she would be devastated.

    Thanks so much Shelle He does love his mummy!

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    In my own personal situation, we have celebrated together for birthdays (only 2 so far) as we both feel it's totally juvenile to arrange separate parties simply because we can't be adult enough to come together for DS's sake.... But his partner do far hasn't come along. Now that he has another toddler though he is starting to become deceitful/secretive about organising events fir DS with his new family and excluding me. For example, childcare Christmas party.
    He shouldn't feel the need to lie, and he shouldn't lie he should just be honest but really maybe he is fearful that if he is honest and doesn't want to go to these things with you you will lash out and take his son from him, I know prob silly but somethings cross our minds that arnt reasonable all the time). I think its prob good that maybe you guys do start to cut ties, meaning not doing everything together. Have your time with son and he have his time with his son. Taking him to the other sons party is a good step I think he wants him to be a family and not just a step son or step brother.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    He flat out lied - I found out through mutual friends. Never mind coming along to DS's actual Christmas party, he'd rather take him to the affiliate centre's Christmas party (where his other son now goes).

    Just to reiterate, we have no actual agreement - he wasn't sure he was even going to be involved in DS's life at all but I encouraged it and then found out he was expecting another baby, so after putting me through all of that he has made an effort to do the right thing and let me call the shots with respect to things with DS. I would kill him if he tried to take DS from me and he knows it! So he won't go for legal custody but we have an unofficial arrangement. I guess him doing things like this behind my back makes me ffeel like he's trying to take DS away from me, which my head knows is silly.
    That is silly but I can see where it could pop into your head, I am sure he is just wanting time with his son and although not the best way to handle it he may be learning how do handle all this, can you talk to him about it maybe?

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    Default Is it ok for a non-custodial parent to exclude the custodial parent from events?

    I do think its fine for him to take him to events etc during his time without consulting you, however I think it's incredibly stupid for him to lie about it, especially if that is completely the opposite to how you've done things up until now. I personally think it maybe sounds like some pressure/encouragement from his current partner to ascertain their status as a 'family' and that doesn't include you, if you get what I mean. Which is pretty silly. I tend to think if you have an amicable relationship why wreck it. Not sure what you can do about it except be the bigger person. If its something you're comfortable with maybe you could just mention that if he wants to take DS to things that's fine but no need to make a big secret of it. And also suggest that perhaps he may like to attend some of DS's events like his own child care Xmas party and bring the new partner along?

  13. #30
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    Default Is it ok for a non-custodial parent to exclude the custodial parent from events?

    I tell X about DD1's parties but i certainly don't invite him.
    I give her a party either just a small one with family or a bigger one including friends.
    X does a bday dinner out for her when he has her next after her bday.

    As for other events seeing as he lives 2.5hrs away i dont really include him at all except for her ballet concert that she asked him to come to


 

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