I love my Dad, but he's just not the best dad around, and I keep HOPING he could be... be the kind of dad you can rely on... but he's not, and I need to whinge about it... all the things that I wish I could complain to him about, but don't because he doesn't listen to you when you talk, only hears a few words and then makes up the rest of the conversation in his head.
Anyway, that's a big annoyance right there. He doesn't listen. You can talk and talk and he only half-listens. I remember ages back, I was about 16 or something, and he wanted to get me perfume for my birthday and asked me which one. Back then, it was Ralph by Ralph Lauren that I wanted. I explained to him what it was called, and that it was in a blue bottle... but it was NOT "Ralph Laurent Blue." I just found the smell of that quite vile so wanted to amke sure he didn't buy me something I thought smelt like cat pee. We had about 3 conversations about this... and what did I get? Ralph Lauren Blue. It's such a superficial example, because I don't actually really care, but it's the easiest example to put into words without having to go into a massive backstory. Basically, he just hears a few stray words, and assumes he knows what you're on about... and it SUCKS because it means you can never explain things to him EVEN WHEN HE ASKS.
He's nosey too. He stalks me. I remember when I was a teen, he told us we had to walk home from school togther (my brother and I) a certain way. My brother wasn't keen on waiting for me, so just left, meaning we often walked home seperately. When we did walk together, we had a shortcut - we'd balance on a big pipe across a creek that was about 2m across (it was shallow... we would jsut get wet/muddy if we fell in, not drown) and we'd cut about 20 minutes off our trip. In a Qld Summer carrying heavy school bags, of course we did that a lot of hte time. Dad ALWAYS knew. He was at work, ages away from where we were at the end of school... but he knew. He had spies. He'd even come up with, "Oh, so I hear you wore your hair *like this* today at school..." it freaked me out.
In my later teens I had a LiveJournal (lol... remember those?) where I'd just type up random thoughts and opinions. A few friends had the link. Somehow he got it too.. and would go in there and make anonymous comments, snide little ones. It took me a few goes before I realised it was probably him, and he later confirmed it.
Now as an adult, he stalks me online. He's stalked me here before, but I decided he can just read what I write rather than being freaked out and never coming back. Years ago, 2008, I was going through a break-up, my ex said some nasty things... and it made me go a bit mental with food. As in, I starved myself, exercised like a mad woman and purged when I couldn't avoid eating... so I lost 27kg in about 2-3 months. Dad came on here, and discovered that's what I was doing.
Now, I understand parents might be concerned so snoop... blah blah. Thing was, he never addressed it nicely. He forced me into a car with him and then was all, "Oh, so I heard you do this." Being in a car, I was trapped. He didn't say much, it was a short car trip. Then a few months later, he was driving my daughter (3 at the time) and myself somewhere. Also in the car was his wife and her 11-year-old daughter. Dad decided then would be hte perfect time to go, "So... you don't still..." and pointed ot hte back of his throat, like pretending to make himself spew... "do you?" and then had a laugh. In front of children. In front of his wife who I had met a handful of times. Trapped in a car.
He likes to trap me in cars and confront me. I remember being about 15 and him telling me he KNOWS I've had sex... I walk differently and all girls do after they lose their virginity. He demanded I tell him about it. Thing was, I was still a virgin. He didn't believe me, and we were on a 2-hour drive... I was trapped in the car with him and my brother while he harassed me about something that wasn't even true.
Anotehr disappointment was when he took his gf of a few months to Europe. He PAID $20K for her part of the trip... when about 2 years earlier he'd told me that if he could afford to, he'd love to take my brother and i to Europe. When he told me he was going, and taking his gf... he said, "Oh, I thought about taking you and your brother, but it'd probably just get in the way..." Lovely. I was about 15/16 at this point, so not a toddler or anything. It wasn't that bad, but I dunno, it felt sucky. It also felt sucky when we were given the opportunity to go to Germany through school (I did German)... he told me I'd be going, after I mentioned it, saying I thought it'd be fun but I knew it was too much money. He told me I WOULD be going... he'd pay for it. A few months later, he changed his mind... and that's when he started organising his trip to Europe. He got me excited about something I hadn't expected, then let me down... not because he didn't have hte money either.
Whenever I used to see him, he'd say, "Oh, you over 100kg yet?" and laugh. Then when I started losing... "You under 100kg?" Thanks Dad. Thanks.
When I broke up with my ex, Dad's reply was, "Ah... I was just talking about this with *his friends* and wondering when it'd happen. I knew it would." That's it. No helpful anything... just "yep, I called it."
I'm about to complete my diploma of Beauty Therapy... and when I mention that, he just tells me I should go and do journalism (I was doing that at uni for a while... but decided it wasn't for me). Before that, it was I should be an artist... you know... because when I was about 8 I was good at drawing... but while my age has increased, my talent at art hasn't really... lol. I also have no interest. It's never "congrats," it's always, "You should be doing XYZ instead." The end.
He expects us to fall instantly in love with every new gf he gets. He's like a besotted schoolgirl when it comes to women... he turns into them. He had a plus-sized gf who was a fantastic cook and into name brand clothing... Dad got fat, turned into a foodie and went on and on about his Jag jacket or his Dolce and Gabbana sunnies. He married a Filippino woman... and started putting on some ridiculous accent and randomly inserting Filippino words and acting like we should know what they mean. He pretty much abandoned all his friends, and became heavily involved in the local Filippino community.
Now, with that Filippino wife, earlier in the year, they went on holidays to the Philippines. While there, he decided that he just didn't want to be with her anymore... after all, she had a kid (this was never a shock) and he was just over being a father... and she wanted to stay in AUstralia until at least her daughter finished school... and Dad wanted to move to the Philippines. Whatever, not really my business... but then Dad goes and cheats on her, on their holiday, with a 25-year-old hooker. Who is now over here. Who is now his gf. Who he keeps demanding I come and see, and whenever he talks to me on the phone, he puts her on... all she does is giggle. FFS... I don't really care about your hooker who is my age you dirty old perve! He grosses me out when he says that he likes having a younger gf, becuase it means he can "teach her how to love." *vomit* He's a bit chauvanist (though is in total denial about it), so I mean... he kind of just wants a slave, in the kitchen, in the bedroom...
Now he's moving back overseas. Like, for good. Moving and never coming back. The end. I feel he's a big enough let down as it is (the above is just a SMALL snippet of how much of a disappointment he is to me!)... but he's leaving, and he's not even going to be able to say goodbye to DD (or his other granddaughter for that matter). He originally was going to leave at the end of this month, we'd catch up before then. Fine. Now though, he's just moved to NSW with his brother until his plane comes... so unless one of us wants to make a roadtrip interstate in the next week (he leaves a week today) then that's it. He's gone. No goodbyes...
I don't know why I even care. I know I care LESS than my brother does... my brother's always kind of spent more time with Dad and stuff... I think because Mum is more "mine," so he kind of claimed Dad... but he got the short straw cos Dad kind of sucks.
I'm just over him... but I hate that I'm actually NOT over him. I still cling on to some tiny hope that MAYBE he might be able to become the kind of loving and reliable and supportive father I want him to be. I get stupid, and forget how he actually is... I share things with him, wanting him to share my joy... but he just disappoints over and over and I remember, "Oh, yeah..."
I just wish he was better, and I just HATE that he can just go and leave and not even care if he sees his grandchildren or children ever again... that some 25-year-old hooker is more important than we are. That what he wants has ALWAYS been more important than we are.
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20-11-2012 09:36 #1
I just need a big long vent about my Dad...
20-11-2012 09:46 #2-
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I just need a big long vent about my Dad...
I would be completely cutting him out of my life. Toxic relationship. I have recently done this to my father and feel like massive weight has been taken off my shoulders.
20-11-2012 09:57 #3Senior Member
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Have to go to work but back later to tell u what I think.
20-11-2012 10:06 #4
Yes he does sound like a toxic parent and as hard as it is, it can be better to grieve the relationship they are unable to provide and move on.
Sorry you're going through this with your dad
20-11-2012 10:38 #5
He sounds like a complete tosser. I'm sorry he has been so awful to you.
20-11-2012 10:55 #6
I'm so sorry you've been dealt such a cr@p father. I hope he does read this thread and I hope he reads all the responses you will get saying what a pr1ck and weirdo he is. What sane person says and does such things?
I have a brother I don't get along with. A little part of me hopes that one day we will and my children will have another uncle but we haven't communicated for nearly 2 years now. It's not worth it, I'm to angry at all the cr@p he did as a teenager including making my life a misery for years with his bullying and he's too much of a a-hole. It wasn't meant to be. I want to keep people in my life who love and cherish me, not ridicule and torment me, life is too short so I simply cut them out.
20-11-2012 10:57 #7
I understand the feeling of still wanting to be a part of his life...the hope that things could be better. The love you feel when you wish you didn't love!
20-11-2012 11:19 #8
Your Dad is a creepy loser stalker gross old man, sorry, and that is putting it nicely. I have heard bits and pieces of this and that, but the whole picture together, is just too much. Big hugs, it sucks that he sucks so much. My Dad says and does stupid things, and we just laugh at him (not to that extent, but he says stupid things). It doesn't sound like you can laugh your Dad off. It's best that he goes far far away.
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20-11-2012 11:20 #9Member
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- Nov 2012
Re: I just need a big long vent about my Dad...
I'm in the same situation, i'm the youngest of 5 kids and my father was the same, always making crude and hurtful comments without thinking. Not caring about who hears. Withholding love as a punishment.
I never had a real father or father figure he was in and out of my life from childhood.
My mother broke up with him when I was 16, never heard from him since. I don't really have any advice, just wanted to say that I'm in the same situation.
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20-11-2012 11:22 #10
I just need a big long vent about my Dad...
Oh Sassy. He sounds bluddy awful. What a sh!t bloke.
No wonder your brother is horrible with him as his main influence.
Hopefully you will find some peace when he moves.
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