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  1. #1
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    Default Do you feel angry/upset at missing out on natural birth?

    All I imagined throughout pregnancy is pushing my baby out naturally and DH and I crying and cuddling him. Instead I was dosed to my eyeballs on morphine after hours and hours of hopeless pushing, had a full spinal anaesthetic and forceps delivery, episiotomy and 4th degree tear. I barely even realised he was out
    Don't get me wrong, I am so glad he came out safely and if that was how he needed to be delivered then so be it. It just annoys me when I watch shows like "one born every minute" and these ladies "breathe" the baby out, literally. I get angry that I couldn't do that and have an amazing birth. Instead I was in absolute agony for hours because he was stuck and there were no birth suites available, so I couldn't have any pain relief. It also upsets me that now I have to have caesareans for my future children (because of the 4th degree tear). So I will never experience natural childbirth.
    Does anyone else feel this way?

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    Bulbasaur is offline Life is to short to live without icecream
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    Default Do you feel angry/upset at missing out on natural birth?

    No I don't. My first was coz he was breech then dd was just because she was so close to DS and this time I got no choice. I don't feel like I'm missing out... I get the same gift at the end as if I was going all nat. I get a little upset when some ladies get so upset. I know a lot of ladies really want a vb but if the bubba comes out safely I think that is all that matters. No offence to anyone, just my opinions.

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    I ended up with an emergency ceaser and vomiting every 5 mins for the next 24 hours. it was really awful. Didn't help the bombarding visitors who came unannounced instantly after. I had 12 ppl in the room, some family, some not, and I really wasn't even in the state to talk to them.

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    Default Do you feel angry/upset at missing out on natural birth?

    Most definitely, the birth of the girls devastated me. Had to have an emergency c-section under a general and have never gotten over it which is why I'm really pushing for my VBAC this time.

    I know people say as long as the baby is healthy it doesn't matter, and ultimately yes that's right but you still feel robbed.

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    Default Do you feel angry/upset at missing out on natural birth?

    Personally, no I didn't but can understand why some people might.

    I had an emergency c-section after an 18 hour induced labour with DD.

    With DS, I elected to have a repeat section.

    I don't have any regrets or sadness at either of their births I just feel grateful to be blessed with two healthy children.

    During both of my pregnancies, I felt respected and well cared for and I also recovered well which probably accounts for my feelings.

    I was also never really invested in having a birth experience I just wanted healthy babies but I appreciate that everyone is different and that having a natural birth is important to many women.

    I think it's important to recognise your own feelings and deal with them, it doesn't make them less real or valid just because not everyone feels the same way. I hope you can come to peace with your own experience in time.

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    Default Do you feel angry/upset at missing out on natural birth?

    Yes it upsets me I was induced and it was excruciating and I had to have an epi and then a ventouse delivery. Not what I wanted at all. We are only planning on having one other so I really hope I get to experience spontaneous labour, normal contractions and have a natural birth.

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    Default Do you feel angry/upset at missing out on natural birth?

    Not upset, but disappointed. I accept that it was what needed to be done with DS & with DD 1&2 I decided I would rather birth at my chosen hospital than have a VBAC. (They wouldn't do a VBAC with twins.)

    It's only a mild disappointment & for me it's on the same level as going into space - would love to do it, but I know I never will.

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    Oh absolutely.

    I had no real thoughts on birthing... I figured I'd take it as it came... but the ONE thing I didn't want was a caesarean... and that's what I had.

    I wanted to experience birthing a baby, not laying on a cold table while others did all the work and talked to me like I needed to be molly-coddled. I didn't even get to labour... I don't know what contractions feel like, and I HATE this. It's worse when people start talking about their experiences, and talk to me like I should be able to contribute to the conversation because I have a child too... but I honestly have no idea about ANY of the birthing stuff. I know as much about how that experience feels as someone who has no kids. I know nothing about it, and I hate it.

    I basically just never went into labour. I was induced 3 times. First time it failed, due to their incorrectly-stored product. The next 2... well, my body just wasn't interested in cooperating. By the time they decided the 3rd shot wasn't working, I was 13 days post-dates... in hindsight, I realise that this was probably actually incorrect and I was actually right around a due date... they calculated my due date based on my LMP... I was 18 when I fell pregnant, I didn't know, and it was a guess at best. Scans always said I was 2 weeks behind that... so I wonder if I was actually kind "right on time," when they told me I had to have a caesarean.

    I didn't want to, but I agreed because... well... everyone was expecting me to. It's hard enough to say, "Thanks, but no thanks," anyway, but it's made worse when your family and friends are sitting there like, "Come on Stacey, be a good girl and do what the doctor says..."

    This was all over 7 years ago now, so the pain doesn't occupy my entire life like it pretty much did in the early days... but as you can tell by my rambling on above, it still gets to me when I'm forced to think about it.

    Dealing with it, for me, kinda started with me being very defensive. "I needed that so my baby didn't die - screw you world, I had a caesarean and I'm an awesome mother!" was how I acted.

    Then I started to consider the fact that maybe it wasn't actually necessary at all. Then I got angry, and upset. "Screw you doctors for ripping me off!"

    From then on, I kind of focused on making sure it won't happen in future... or if it does, I'll have done everything I can to give myself the greatest chance of vaginally birthing my baby. At first it was just settling on VBAC... but with more time and research and reflection, I've now decided a HBAC is more likely to help me achieve my goal in a way I am happy and comfortable with. Not everyone will end up there... I mean, it took me A LONG TIME before I would even entertain the idea of a homebirth, let alone decide that's how it's going to be!

    I also started out feeling really angry with women who had caesareans by choice. Those b*tches had hte opportunity to do what I wanted to, and they just throw it away like it's nothing! That's how it felt... but now, with time, I realise that not everyone wants the same thing... and that their desire to NOT have a VB might be as strong as mine TO have one... so I kind of just wish everyone knew they're allowed to do their utmost to ensure they have the birth they want.... I mostly just want women to know they have rights, especially the right to say, "Um... actually... I'd rather it go down this way thanks..." when a doctor suggests something they're not happy with.

    I guess birthing was just an experience I really really wanted, and I don't think I'll feel satisfied until I get to experience it, so I'm going to do what I can to make that happen. Obviously I won't be pushing out baby after baby to make the ideal experience... but I do think I deserve to know what labour and giving birth feels like, and I mourn for that when I think about DD's arrival. I don't feel as if her birth was really something I took part in. If it weren't the fact that my body was essential to the whole process, I feel like I might as well have not even been there... if that makes any sense at all (I'm sure that it doesn't, unless you can relate... cos it sounds nuts... lol).

    I don't know how I'd have gotten through the whole ordeal of that disappointing experience if I didn't know I can work towards a better outcome in future... I feel for women who want to experience something but will never ever get it. At this point in time, I know I can give it at least one or two shots (because I am willing to have one or two more kids). If it doesn't work then... god, I don't know if I'll be a mess or what.

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  11. #9
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    I am the same as Chickybee.....just disappointed. I cant watch those birthing shows as it makes me sad...something I wasnt and now will never be able to do.

    I tried for a VBAC2 with DD.....and for the first time I went into labour spontaneously (induced with DS1 and elective c/s with DS2).

    I doesnt help that with SIL her babies just fall out.

    But yes I am happy that I have healthy children and I know that birthing a baby is just a small small part of raising a child but its the whole thing that I as a woman was made to give birth...and I couldnt do it.

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    I am angry at myself as I went into labour with the mindset of, "epidurals are there for a reason don't be a martyr". I wish I had done more research as I ended up with vacuum delivery and a second degree tear.

    And the epi only have me relief for 3 out of 27 hours of labour. By the time baby was crowning the epi had completely worn off.


 

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