Stop the formal activities or at least reduce them. There are not necessary and they are probably making him more tired even if he enjoys them whilst he's there. By all means get out of the house every day, but go to the park or something, something that is more flexible for all of you.
And as for the new baby not bothering him, well I think that's highly unlikely. His whole world has just been turned upside down ... Mummy went away (to hospital) for ?a few days and didn't look like his normal Mummy for at least a day or two (pale, tired, etc) and then there's this little baby in the house, crying all the time, getting lots of cuddles & attention from Mummy & Daddy, etc, etc, etc. I think that the new baby is very much going to be having an influence on his behaviour. It doesn't necessarily make it easier to manage, but perhaps easier to understand?
My ds was anxious and withdrawn in the months leading up to my delivery and we weren't sure if it was pregnancy related or not. It was and he was a lot better after I had bubs. But then at about 6 - 8 weeks after delivery he started acting out and deliberately misbehaving too. It settled with time and lots of extra (good) attention ... but mostly he just needed time to adjust to the 'new norm' of having a baby around (who he adored from first sight & still does).
I suggest encouraging rest times (eg. stories/etc) to help him feel more rested. I also suggest some extra one-on-one time for him & you when possible (my mum said my brother could never have enough of that and it drove her nuts ... no amount was enough for him ... every child is different in that respect). And wait.
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19-11-2012 12:43 #11
19-11-2012 13:47 #12
Can I just say, this seems like completely normal behaviour for this age to me.
Hayden turns 3 in December. I am a VERY patient mum who never really gets annoyed at my kids behavoiur no matter how bad they are, but a few months ago, I was really close to losing it at him. Like you said, he was just PICKING fights. Everything was a screaming match, from wake up till sleep time. He'd ask for something, and I'd give it to him and then he'd scream that he didn't want it.
I was chatting to my friends on facebook about him, and found myself doing a real complain post about him. When I read it back to myself, I realised I had just complained about my gorgeous boy! I NEVER complain about my babies, ever. From that point, I promised myself I would just relax, realise it was normal behavoiur for his age, and just try to go with it. There was an immediate improvement, we were obviously both feeding off each others negativity.
Don't get me wrong, he can still be a total monster and has the most ridiculous trantrums about the silliest things, but I really think it's just the age and they really get confused about what they want.
It will get better Just try to relax, take some time out. Look into diet if you want, but I honestly believe it's normal. Sounds like he gets HEAPS of good quality sleep (Hayden sleeps from 8pm till 5:30am and doesn't day nap, so he's getting a lot more than him!). Maybe cut back some of the activities if you think it might be contributing to his tiredness.
I think you'll find almost everyone with a 3 year old goes through this "how on earth did they turn out like this?!" moment.
19-11-2012 14:04 #13
Really struggling with our 3yr old.
I agree it sounds like normal three year old behavior (probably not what you want to hear).
I find giving my boys choices and giving them more responsibility helps, and not sweating the small stuff.
Like your green bowl example, I grab two bowls and ask which one they want so they are choosing, I do this with almost everything.
If pick their moods too, for example if I know there is no way they are going to help clean up for whatever reason (tired, argumentative) then I don't ask them to. That way I don't have to follow through when they say no or are rude. I find it helps if you ask them to when you know they are in a tolerable mood so you can give them lots of good praise, rather than negative. And eventually they do as they are asked more often...
It really is trial and error to see what works with your child though. My 3 and 4.5 both work totally different. One has a big temper, the other is still headstrong but doesn't have the matching temper.
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19-11-2012 14:22 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
My son has been very challenging from about 2.5, but when he got a younger brother at 4, it's really flared up the behaviour again.
My nb is now 9 weeks old, and he's still struggling. He is angry at us, and very sad that the nb is occupying my time. Recently he started sobbing that I hold the nb all the time and he wants me to hold him more.
I would try for some one-on-one time to make your older child feel special, but it's so hard when you're feeding a baby. My partner took our older son out for about 5 hours yesterday and did several activities and he really enjoyed it.
To be honest, though, I have my older son in daycare 3 days a week as I don't think i could do a full week with both of them at the moment, as my older son is just really full on.
I also now understand that feeling where you love your child, but sometimes it is hard to like them!
02-02-2013 20:58 #15
An update for you lovely people who replied to me:
Believe it or not, my son has "snapped out of it"! As suddenly as he became a naughty, angry little boy, overnight he was back to his lovely self. I could pinpoint the exact day he changed. It was four months of hell in total and I hope to God it doesn't happen again. My DH and I were in tears many times due to being at the end of our tether.
I'm still not convinced it was due to DS2 because it started before his arrival, but maybe it was a combination of developmental stage and family upheaval.
Either way, he's my happy little boy again. Still pushing boundaries sometimes as all children do, and I suspect he is a very spirited personality in general, but he's no longer angry, miserable and aggressive. I'm so happy, I can actually play with him now and spend positive time with him without it always descending into tanties/violence etc. I'm glad we got through with our family intact! So to everyone else experiencing similar things, you just gotta suffer through it, manage as best you can to be consistent, and you should hopefully come out the other side too.
Last edited by Piffle; 02-02-2013 at 21:02.
02-02-2013 22:57 #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
My son used to be awful and then I read fed up with kids behavior by sue dengates. I took out grapes and sultanas and coloring 106b found in vanilla flavored foods and gave him fish oil daily. Much calmer child.
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