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  1. #31
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    Default Re: Step son touching my daughter :(

    Quote Originally Posted by LotusUndercover View Post
    I have been going through everything over and over and while i do understand hes only 6 and it could very well be innocent that hes just seen something on tv or heard something from his older brother or even at school I still keep comming back to the fact that its happened to my baby whos only 3 which is still hurting me I am her mum and I am meant to protect her and I feel like I've failed, I'm not going to fly off the handle at him, dp has agreed that we will sit down together with him and see what he says then explain that thats not apporpirote behaviour, his bm has put all the blame onto us and said shes not dealing with it because it never happened ss would never do anything like that and my dd is making it all up, my dp then said well dd does lie, well yes she does tell little fibs like no i didnt let the cat out but shes never said anything like this before so i trust her 100% she can tell me everything that happend where when everything.
    Oh wow that is so not cool of your DP, I'm sorry but a 3 year old is not capable of making up a lie like that... we'll I don't believe the are anyways. My son was 3 when it happened to him and I had people say the same to me and I have cut those people out of our lives. If they can't believe my son then they can go jump.

    If you need anymore support or someone to talk to you are welcome to pm me, my situation was a bit different but I certainly understand the things you are feeling. I'm so sorry your going through this

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  3. #32
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    Default Step son touching my daughter :(

    Quote Originally Posted by waterlily View Post
    I'm going to get absolutely slammed for this, but if this was my partners attitude I would pack my things and leave with the girls. Unless he can 100% admit that your DD was telling the truth, I couldn't keep my girls around SS knowing that my partner didn't really believe it happened.

    Unless he was 100% committed to resourcing every possible avenue to get help for both children I would walk.

    I would get child services involved. They would have proper knowledge and help in this area and would be able to sort out counseling with specially trained counsellors who deal with this sort of thing.

    There is a big possibility that your SS is also a victim so I would want them BOTH being helped.

    It needs to be reported NOW because who knows if BM is already having her own "talks" with SS. If he is being abused she could possibly be making the situation worse. He could shut down and not say anything.
    Yep this.
    I'd be shattered if my DP didn't take this with complete and utter seriousness and commitment. I'd be seriously wondering exactly where he stands on such a traumatic issue (for all involved).

  4. #33
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    Please seek professional advice about this. Talk to your GP and get a referral to a child psychologist who will do a play based session with your DD to get more info on what happened, and a separate session with your stepson to get a clearer idea on whether he is at risk himself. They will be able to help you work out how to deal with this cohesively as a family too.

    I cannot stress enough how important it is to not just assume its normal and to actually get a professional's opinion. This kind of thing is too easily brushed aside and left to fester, and tears families apart. I know several families who've dealt with similar behaviour and its really scary, but try to stay calm, and seek help. Good luck. x

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  6. #34
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    Default Re: Step son touching my daughter :(

    On hearing that your SS's parents aren't taking this seriously, I am joining my voice to those who say you now need to speak to a professional about this. I truly hope it's all nothing.

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    Default Step son touching my daughter :(

    My DD (aged 5) told me recently when she grows up she wants to have sex. I asked her what she thought that meant and she said it's how you have a baby. I think she heard it at school, and in the absence of any other reasons I am definitely not concerned, However I think you should definitely work out exactly where he got all this from and take it from there

  8. #36
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    Okay...I wasnt going to reply but I am. I do think leaving may not be the best thing to do in this situation only because I think an investigation needs to be done BEFORE anyone does anything.

    I understand your need to protect your DD...completely get that, but your DPs son could be in serious trouble and will need your DPs help and yours too if you are willing to give it.

    Your DPs reaction is understandable. Noone wants to be told that its possible your child is a possible peadophile. I think their reactions have a lot to do with shock.

    A bit of background...

    My nephew kept wanting to touch my DSs bum and touch his penis. He would always do it when noone was looking. My son would come up to me and tell me he didnt like it and I would always go tell the nephew that we dont do that, etc, etc. This was happenening from when DS was 4 and nephew was 5. Nephew also liked to put things up his own bottom and would try to do the same to DS.

    I approached my sister. She scoffed and said its 'normal sexual exploration' and told me not to worry about it. Of course I worried and was extremely concerned because I felt that it wasnt normal sexual exploration. SOme of the things he was doing seemed very mature to me and besides my son said he didnt like it. Again I approached my sister and again she didnt believe me.

    So I had to take it on myself to be hyper vigilant whenever nephew was around and my sis just didnt want to or couldnt believe me.

    It came out last year that nephews best friend has been molested for the last 4 years by a older boy in the court and nephews best friend was doing all this stuff to nephew. And in turn nephew was doing it to DS. Older boy has now been taken to court by police.

    Now my sister finally believes me.

    What I am trying to say is as much as it hurts and its a horrible situation to be in, you do need to be hypervigilant when SS is around but dont treat him like he is a monster as something could be happening to him. Whatever it is he needs help and if BM doesnt want to do it your DP must.

    You arent a bad mother. You have done the best you could and you have acted when she has come to you. If your DD isnt distressed then thats a good sign. Something happened which she didnt like and she has come to you and you are taking care of it.

    Dont know where you are but there is a great place in VIC that has lots of information about this as well as a help line you can call. They are http://www.secasa.com.au/

    I wish you all the best.

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  10. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by waterlily View Post
    I'm going to get absolutely slammed for this, but if this was my partners attitude I would pack my things and leave with the girls. Unless he can 100% admit that your DD was telling the truth, I couldn't keep my girls around SS knowing that my partner didn't really believe it happened.

    Unless he was 100% committed to resourcing every possible avenue to get help for both children I would walk.

    I would get child services involved. They would have proper knowledge and help in this area and would be able to sort out counseling with specially trained counsellors who deal with this sort of thing.

    There is a big possibility that your SS is also a victim so I would want them BOTH being helped.

    It needs to be reported NOW because who knows if BM is already having her own "talks" with SS. If he is being abused she could possibly be making the situation worse. He could shut down and not say anything.
    I agree 100 % you need support right now & if your DP & his ex want to bury their heads in the sand then they are being irresponsible parents to say the least. Good on you for the way you are handling this & protecting your daughter, you have done nothing wrong.

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    Default Re: Step son touching my daughter :(

    Actually totally agree with waterlily.

    3 year old in my opinion cannot make something like that how would she *know* to say that. It's not like she just said he touched her which could have been a misunderstood situation but that sex was mentioned it's too much to be a fib.

    And really "he hit me first!" Is normal fib for a 3 year old. How would a 3 yearold make that up.

    I'm so sorry he's not really being supportive.

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  12. #39
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    I agree with those who suggest getting professional help. Let a trained, objective party decide if it's a big deal or not.

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  14. #40
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    Thank you very one I have booked an appointment for dd with our gp tomorrow I want to get to the bottom of this with her, dp just came home and said he spoke to ss at daycare (he had to pick up his older brother) and he said nothing has happened dp also asked the older brother whos 8 and he said he hasn't seen anything so he came home and said he believes the boys so I'm very upset and i am very close to leaving, dp is picking ss up tomorrow and will sit him down properly and talk to him he wants me to stay and wants to work this out but I'm so unsure I explained to him that a 3yr old wouldn't make something like this up in such detail but he said he can't see how as would ever do anything like that


 
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