My 5.5 week old DS is an extremely unsettled bub. We have tried everything with him but basically he just wants to be held ALL the time. Only catnaps, doesn't self settle & wants to be awake more than sleep. Everyone I have spoken to says to cuddle him, rock/pat or feed him to sleep and wear him in a sling as much as possible during the day if I have to.
So my question is, won't these form bad habits that I will have to deal with a few months down the track that will be hard to change? I already feel like he is too attached to his dummy & needs it way too much.
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18-11-2012 07:09 #1
Babies & bad habits
18-11-2012 07:22 #2
Think of it this way, He has gone from being cuddle 24/7 in your womb to being put down in a cot where he can't hear his mummy heartbeat. It is a big adjustment for him give him time.
It normal for them to want to suck it helps bring in your milk and helps them break up their wind.
He is so little and it takes time to learn to self settle so don't stress. Hug him hold and enjoy this time with him. It goes way to fast.
18-11-2012 07:30 #3Senior Member
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- Aug 2009
I believe, that by holding them and helping them feel settled and content...you are more likely to have a settled baby in the long term because they learn how to feel relaxed and safe early on.
Lots of cuddles (both from you and from your DH so you get some much needed rest and a shower every now and then lol) is a great way to bond and for everyone to feel nice.
18-11-2012 07:58 #4Senior Member
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- Jul 2011
Babies develop the ability to self-sooth by being consistently soothed by adult caregivers. This creates the neural pathways that they are then able to use to sooth themselves. You can't spoil a baby with too much love and the more touch and responsiveness they get the better they are able to self-regulate and see the world as a friendly place. I don't know if reading is your thing, but the book "Why Love Matters: how affection shapes a child's brain" is a really interesting read and talks about how the way a person will respond to stress for the rest of their lives is pretty much set by 6 months old. Consistent soothing and touch are setting your bub up for life and will help you out in the long term.
For myself, I know I really miss the days when DD would sleep in a carrier or in my arms. The time will come soon enough when your bub will refuse to sleep anywhere but in bed. Having a new baby is intense! Please don't worry yourself about forming bad habits
18-11-2012 08:15 #5Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
Re: Babies & bad habits
My baby was the same for the first 8 weeks. We took turns walking him around the house with rocking and patting which he loved either that or he was on the boob. Then he just decided he was over that and starting to like the bassinet rocked then he changed to patting only. From a mum whose baby screamed for weeks on end it does get better! At 4 months he still loves the boob and at times needs it to get to sleep as he hates dummys but I figure its our time and he doesnt always need it. Also I feel you on the cat nap thing.
I agree with pp. Its hard especially when your surrounded by other sleeping babies but I wouldnt change it as I am stronger now and it makes life interesting.
Bit off track from the question but good luck!
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18-11-2012 10:40 #6
Babies & bad habits
I think it depends in the baby, how adaptable they are. If they are highly adaptable then no you won't start bad habits, but if your bub isn't very adaptable then it's important to be consistent with how you put him to sleep.
Do you have a pre- nap/sleep routine/ritual you use before he goes to sleep? It's good to be consistent here so he knows it's time for sleep.
Do you watch out for his tired signs? How long does he stay awake for in between sleeps? Maybe he is overtired and needs the movement to go to sleep. It's possible to slowly stop the motion to get to sleep, but you will be able to slowly reduce the amount of movement he needs. You could start by putting him down in his basinette or cot and sitting with him while you rock his body back and forth (gently of course) while you shhhhhhh him. As time goes by you can gradually slow then stop the rocking. I followed this method from around 10 weeks with my bub
Is it possible he is hungry when you try and put him down? Can you give a top up feed before sleeps as well?
These are just ideas if you decide you want him to sleep other than just in your arms, but if you are comfortable continuing as you are, the PPs might be right and it may not set up bad habits. I'm not sure as I only have one child.
Maybe some anecdotes from parents who did this and how it didn't set up bad habits? At what age did their bubs not need these methods to fall asleep? Did they naturally find their own way or was there something as a parent you did to get them to create new habits?
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18-11-2012 11:04 #7
I'm with anewme.
Babies spend their entire existance in a nice warm womb, being all snuggled up and surrounded by your heartbeat. Then they're thrust into this cold bright world, that's shock enough, but it's got to be even more shocking to just suddenly be alone in some room without Mum.
Cuddling doesn't form bad habits, it shows children that you love them and will be there for them.
I cuddled my daughter often as a newborn. I wore her in a carrier, I would have her fall asleep on me then put her to bed, I shared my bed with her, etc. She is 7 now and I definitely don't even nearly need to do any of these things. I tell her to go to bed, she does. I still cuddle her, but it's like, *hug* "goodnight, I'll see you in the morning, love you." Not cuddling her to sleep.
The time does go quickly, and there'll soon be a time when my daughter probably wants me to bugger off and not cuddle her at all. Cuddle your baby. He needs and wants you, and he's supposed to. Don't turn your back on him due to outdated information about creating bad habits/a rod for your own back, etc.
18-11-2012 11:08 #8-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Babies & bad habits
I think bad habits can be formed that cost parents in the long run (time spent putting a child to sleep, spent dealing with night wakenings etc).
However your bub is quite young. I'm not sure bad habits are anything to worry about just yet.
Do what you feel comfortable with and good luck!
Last edited by VicPark; 18-11-2012 at 11:30.
18-11-2012 11:17 #9
My bub is also 5WO. He settles well at the breast and if I am not available, he takes the dummy too. A little bit of carrying cum patting and is ok, but we need to catch his tired signs (yawning, yelping) before he overtired. This age usually can't stay awake more than one hour, at least for mine.
Swaddling is extremely important. We may think they don't like it but they really do self startle and wake and cry...happened for my DS so swaddling is now a must (we were bit slack with that at first thinking he didn't like it).
sometimes he's uncomfy due to wind..even though he might have burped after a feed...and fusses/cries in his sleep till we pick him up upright position then pat and he can burp! Mostly there's a reason for fussing.
Also we always make sure he's fed before settling him to sleep..
I have same questions too but keep reading they are too young to be spoiled.
i am against dummy at first but mine seems a dummy/mummy boob's baby.
18-11-2012 11:25 #10
From my experience, with one bub and watching other mums I am close to, at that age - don't worry about bad habits, do what your baby needs. I did lots of things with DD that others would tell me I was creating a rod for my back - but all I created was a flexible, secure bub (who we could travel around the world with).
DD was exactly the same and then at about 7 weeks she finally realised she could make noises other than scream and would actually lay on a mat/the floor with a toy for 10 minutes while I made a cuppa or something. A sling was awesome because it frees you up to get on with things while still 'cuddling' bub - absolute sanity saver for me.
DD also only even catnapped (I mean REALLY catnapped - 3 x 15mins a day... none of this 45 minute luxury) which I stressed about a lot as by 'the book' she was never getting nearly enough sleep. Life was much better when I stopped stressing, stopped spending half my day trying to get her to go back to sleep, stopped trying to make her go to sleep the milisecond she yawned or pulled her hair, or any other suggestion offered and just accepted that she needed less day sleep than most bubs.
On the flip side I've watched people close to me establish very good nap routines early on with bub self settling at just weeks old, but the routines they needed were often so rigid that the HAD to be home at nap time which, IMO is just as restrictive, if not more, than having a bub attached to you all the time.
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