For years BM has been sending dss here with nits- despite my complaining and begging for DH to Stand up to her he doesn't- occasionally sends her a text but she never does anything about it.
Anyway she had another baby about a year ago and she must have combated the nits in her nesting phase as we haven't had nearly as much drama since then.
Well apparently last week we sent dss back to bm with nits and boy did we cop it.
No one else in this house has nits.
Now every other time dss has had nits I've bought the treatments an done his hair and washed everything he has come in contact with.
So the one week I do nothing about it (due to being in bed sick and not knowing anything about it and I'm sceptical that he even had them)
Now she sent us an abusive message and I said to DH tell her it's karma and to get f**ked (as that's the response we got if we raise any issue with her)
And did he?
No- he has run off and got treatment to do dss hair!!!
When I questioned him he said "it's ok for u to complain but I'm not having her do it"
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11-11-2012 18:08 #1
Husband sides with ex
11-11-2012 18:16 #2
Husband sides with ex
I feel your pain. I too had a similar issue with my husbands children. I would treat regardless because having nits in my house makes my skin crawl.
But I understand your frustration. I hate to tell you, but it is truly a no win situation for you. Either way you are the bad guy
11-11-2012 18:21 #3
I will alway treat- but I will always make a song and dance about it when she doesn't pick up her fair share.
I am about to take my son and my pregnant fat a*se far far away from this whole situation and put it in the too hard basket.
11-11-2012 18:23 #4
If she's not looking after her child properly, then surely that duty falls into the hands of your DSS's other parent (your husband)?
I don't think you can go, "Nope, let the kid just deal with it cos she can't be stuffed." He can't be treated as a pawn in this little tit for tat crap... good on your husband for being adult about it and thinking that it's his duty to treat his son's hair, especially since she sure as hell won't.
That said, she doesn't need to be a b*tch about it ,but some people are like that and there's little you can do to change it. I can see why your husband just doesn't bother. Biting back will likely just make life harder for his little boy.
11-11-2012 18:33 #5Senior Member
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What do you expect him to do? Let his son have an itchy head until he goes back to his mum's house? I know it's hard but I agree with Sassy. You can't use him as a pawn in their broken down relationship. Sometimes you just have to put up with crap
11-11-2012 18:41 #6
Again I'd never send him back with nits. I always treat him when I am aware of it- last visit I was suffering all day sickness in bed.
The kid isn't here- he has run to her house to do it- but despite asking numerous times for her to provide treatment for him for us to use of she isn't going to take responsibilty for it.
My issue lies in the fact that I try to get DH to stand up to bm and stop her sending him here with nits- she does nothing- she complains and he is all over it.
My DH said that it's ok for me to complain but not for her.
How is it ok for my husband to rather having a ****ed off wife than a ****ed off ex?
Again- had I known the kid had nits- thatch would have been treated.
11-11-2012 18:55 #7Senior Member
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- Nov 2007
Is he at your house every weekend or every second weekend?
i ask this because I have always been pretty ignorant of nits....UNTIL NOW!!
My DS had his first cases of nits. I discovered them at the crack of dawn one morning and raced straight off to the shops for treatment. Pretty sure this was a Friday. I used the special conditioner, the comb, hell at one point even shaved his bloody head (a fairly long number, but still shaved after him having it longer his entire life), picked out the nits like a freaking monkey, used the preventative spray.
sure enough, seven days later they were back. Treated again. Seven days later...again!
Anyway, they do seem to have a cycle so it is plausible that if he is at your house every 7 or 14 days it could be the cycle starting again and she may not even be able to see them before you guys pick them up.
these things will be the death of me....now I know why parents complain of them!
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11-11-2012 18:56 #8
Husband sides with ex
I would be p!ssed off too!!
Fair enough your husband is doing the treatment now for his son.
But that aside I think he is being a D!ck.
What ex is allowed to have a windge but your not? Why!
I would be furious if my Dh ever said that to me.
11-11-2012 18:57 #9
He can probably see that it's more important for his child to be taken care of properly than it is to start a war with her. It's also more important to try and maintain a sense of peace for his son than to be in battle with that child's mother. It's not nice being a kid and seeing your parents fight, and even if you don't see it, you often can feel the tension if it's going on while you're not around.
I think, really, you've got yourself a wonderful man there if he will go out of his way to make sure his kid is being looked after, rather than going, "Meh, he's with her, if she doesn't do it I don't give a sh*t."
Was he in a relationship with her when he had his son? I suspect that he probably knows how she works and might understand than standing up to her will do nothing more than cause more issues.
EDIT - I don't understand why you're not allowed to complain about her though. That sounds weird. It might just be a matter of him getting sick of people bickering at him from either side though... and while he can stand there thinking, "STFU you stupid b*tch," when she does it, he doesn't want to be standing there thinking the same when you do.
He may also feel like you're blaming him for her being a b*tch (and it does sound like you are a bit, with the "you need to stand up to her!" stuff). He might be sick of her telling him what to do/not do, nagging at him, blaming him etc... and it would be pretty sh*t to be getting it from all directions. He might just be asking you to please, cut it out, or else he'll lose it. I know I found it very stressful when my partner would go on and on about my ex and how I should deal with him. I knew that my ex would walk all over me, but I knew my ex well enough to know that getting angry wouldn't help, it would just make things worse, and potentially make life worse for my daughter. So instead, I sucked it up, and did what I could to make life the most peaceful.
When my partner would be in my ear about it, I just wanted to scream, "SHUT UP! I know he's a jerk, I know he's being unfair, I know this situation is sh*t... but I CAN'T solve it! There's nothing I can do to make things better. I know him well enough to know this! So please... PLEASE... just back the eff off!"
Perhaps he's feeling kind of like that?
Last edited by SassyMummy; 11-11-2012 at 19:01.
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11-11-2012 18:58 #10Senior Member
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