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  1. #1
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    Default in limbo - dont know how much more of this i can take

    *mods please feel free to move if this isnt the right place*

    thought i'd start my own thread instead of hijacking

    so some of you may know through other threads ive posted in, i had my first routine scan last thursday

    according to my lmp, i should have been 8w2d, but the scan was measuring at 6w2d and no detectable heartbeat. ive not had any bleeding or even spotting AT ALL. i think if i'd had any bleeding i'dve been able to accept it.

    i returned to my gp the next day (friday) who was very negative, saying the pregnancy was not going to continue & that i should get a d & c done straight away, and booked another appointment to see him monday, just to see if i'd 'come to terms with it yet'

    i asked if it could possibly wait for a little while as i had read a lot about women who have no hb on first scan returning the next week to find one. he was very dismissive, reluctantly gave me a referral for another scan (havent done it yet) & said there wasnt much point. i had to very strongly request a repeat hcg.

    on saturday morning i went in for my results, which were still high (29,000). i saw a different doctor, being the weekend, who agreed that we need to do all we can to confirm a m/c before doing anything as invasive as a d & c.

    so another sample was taken, which i got my result for this morning, and its still 28,000 - a drop, but no way near as big as he expected for a m/c.

    he wants to keep checking my levels every day & repeat the scan. and as much as im glad ive seen someone who wants to pursue all avenues before calling it quits, i'm still without an answer or closure.
    the waiting sucks. if its over, i want to know, so i can do what needs to be done, move on & start over again

  2. #2
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    I am so sorry hun the waiting game really sucks. You are strong person, I agree worth following through & getting scan & bloods. That's wrong that your first doctor was brushing you off like that. I know you don't have good news at the moment but you do hear of them miracle stories & if you went straight to a D&C you would always be wondering 'what if'. Lots of hugs & take care of yourself xx

  3. #3
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    Big hugs for what you are going through. With my 1st loss I had my 'dating' scan at 8.5 weeks to find baby measuring 7.5 and no heartbeat. But the US refused to do an internal (needed an internal to see HB with DD at 6.5 weeks) and was very "I'm sorry, your baby is dead, talk to your doctor, off you go". My GP did repeat bloods which were doubling and my symptoms were getting stronger by the day - that week until my next scan was pure torture. I was a wreck, barely got off the couch and didn't know if I should be saying goodbye or keeping hope. Googling finds lots of misdiagnosed miscarriage stories that add to the confusion.

    The US at 9.5 weeks confirmed bub was not growing and had no heartbeat but my sac/placenta was still growing - hence the rising levels and symptoms. I had a much nicer US tech that time and it made a huge difference as she explained everything so well and have me the certainty that I needed to organise a D&C. My OB also re-scanned before booking the D&C. Neither my GP or OB would have thought to organise a D&C without double/triple checking.

    It is hell waiting for the next scan and I have no advice that will help you cope better. Personally I don't read much into symtpoms and hormone levels any more, unfortunately the next scan will be the only thing that will be able to tell you what's really going on. Good luck and look after yourself.

  4. #4
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    That has really got to suck. The waiting is terrible. For me personally, the thought of always having the 'what if' in the back of my mind was worse than the wait. I just couldnt bear the thought of me doing something final until I was 100% sure. Did your doctor tell you that there is a drug option to that is less likely to damage your uterus? I know it isnt for everyone but I wasnt told about it I had to ask for it as the surgery freaked me out. So was just checking in case u wanted to go that way instead.

    You never know though, you may have a miracle.
    Whatever happens, you are strong and you will get through this in spite of dumb doctors that make it hard.

  5. #5
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    well i returned to my original doctor yesterday to get my latest hcg results, expecting the same small drop & the same insistence to get a d & c, which i intended to steadfastly refuse as i am still showing no signs of m/c or infection.

    it went up?! to 31000?

    doc conceded that it was most unusual & outside the realm of his expertise & has organised a referral to the early pregnancy assessment service at my local hospital, and i am now hovering over my phone waiting with baited breath for their call.

    i'm still behaving as though i am still pregnant, staying away from all the nasties, but operating under the assumption that its a m/c - hoping it will somewhat soften the blow if we get bad news from the EPAS.

    im not getting my hopes up, the odds are still against us, but im not giving up yet

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    Wow that is so confusing for you! Have you had a scan since your last one?

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    Well we went for the appointment at EPAS, and unfortunately its been confirmed. I have had a missed miscarriage

    They were nice enough to humour me & grant my request for a second ultrasound, which again showed no heartbeat & no growth.


    We knew this was coming but are still heartbroken, and seemingly everywhere we go we see babies & big healthy pregnant bellies, all I can think of is that I hope they realise how lucky they are & cherish every moment.


    I am booked in for the D & C tomorrow morning, just want to get it over with so we can start over.


    We spent today being kind to ourselves, went to yum cha for lunch, and bought some Lego - husband's favourite form of therapy - I have to admit it occupied my mind for an hour or so.


    We keep telling ourselves that this isn't the end, just another chapter, and while this isn't our time, it will come.

    Goodbye Bean, I'll miss you for the rest of my life

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    Default in limbo - dont know how much more of this i can take

    So sorry to hear I had a missed miscarriage back in July, had about 8 gp appointments b4 being referred to EPAS. Passed our little angel 2 days later. Here if u wanna chat. *hugs*

  9. #9
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    bunkx is offline Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections
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    Default in limbo - dont know how much more of this i can take

    So sorry for your loss

  10. #10
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    I am so sorry *big hugs* to you & your husband. Make sure you keep being kind to yourselves xx


 

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