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  1. #21
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    My husband bought a motorbike a few years ago without telling me. I was a bit annoyed about it at the time but it didn't overly bother me.

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    Default Re: When your boyfriend buys a major purchase without discussing?

    After 3.5 years yeah I'd feel like nothing to do with asking me, or my opinion or involving me in the decision even but more it's a big thing, I assume an exciting thing for him, I mean my Df and I have stared finances and children but I bored him with every step of buying a wrap because I was excited and I love him and so I share the things that excite me with him. So yeah I'd be hurt to not be included in his excitement.

    Like if Df and I weren't living together and didn't have kids and even dating like 6 months if he just turned and said "hey look I bought a motorbike" I'd be slightly miffed he didn't call and tell me he'd decided to buy one to tell me all about what one he wanted why what makes it better than another choice etc etc etc

    But then.... Df and I are together because we share everything we moved in together after a fortnight and 6 years and 2 kids later we still call and text each other all day with updates about what we are doing. So yeah... that's also me and how I am and expect another person to be in a relationship. I couldn't bare "dating" for 3.5 years.



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    I think after 3.5 years being together and not living together, you have more to worry about lol Your relationship doesnt sound that serious enough to be worried about him spending his money.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Issey View Post
    Do you think it is okay when not living together to do as you please. My boyfriend bought a motorbike without telling me until he bought it. Really annoyed me as it feels like he doesn't care about my opinion. He isn't a young guy either in his late 40's.

    He mentioned a couple of months ago he was thinking about it but didn't say he was doing it. He knows Id didn't think it would be a good idea.

    Do you think his money up to him to do as he pleases or do you think he should ask opinion and involve me if we have a future?

    Just wondering.
    You say you're annoyed because it feels like he doesn't care about your opinion - he could say the same thing. You told him what you thought, he disagreed. Why should he put your opinion above his own when it comes to his money?

    Yes, his money = his choice.

    If you have children together, he must meet his obligations and provide for his child. Other than that, yes he can make his own choices.

    If its something that you feel goes against your values, then it might be cause for reassessing the relationship, as in perhaps you are incompatible. But if its just that you feel you should have more influence in his decisions, well I'd be careful that you aren't trying to control him.

    Its okay to not like all his decisions. You can say, well I wouldn't have done that, but hey its your life, your money, your decision and I respect that.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Issey View Post
    Do you think it is okay when not living together to do as you please. My boyfriend bought a motorbike without telling me until he bought it. Really annoyed me as it feels like he doesn't care about my opinion. He isn't a young guy either in his late 40's.

    He mentioned a couple of months ago he was thinking about it but didn't say he was doing it. He knows Id didn't think it would be a good idea.

    Do you think his money up to him to do as he pleases or do you think he should ask opinion and involve me if we have a future?

    Just wondering.



    I feel that if you aren't living together then he can do as he pleases with his money. However once you move in together decisions like that should be mutual.

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    I think the issue here is that you and your BF have different ideas on how you define your relationship.

    3.5 years and still not living together.... Haven't heard of it tbh! But perhaps you guys need to have a chat about how you define your relationship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    I think the issue here is that you and your BF have different ideas on how you define your relationship.

    3.5 years and still not living together.... Haven't heard of it tbh! But perhaps you guys need to have a chat about how you define your relationship.

    I have a friend who has 4 children from a marriage and has been with her bf for 11 years. She has never wanted to live with him because of her kids but she and him a very much in a committed relationship. I have a cousin too who has been married before but will not live with her bf of 6 years. Works well for all concerned. I would definitely consider this living arrangement in the future- purely for the kids though

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    Quote Originally Posted by BbBbBh View Post
    I have a friend who has 4 children from a marriage and has been with her bf for 11 years. She has never wanted to live with him because of her kids but she and him a very much in a committed relationship. I have a cousin too who has been married before but will not live with her bf of 6 years. Works well for all concerned. I would definitely consider this living arrangement in the future- purely for the kids though
    After 11yrs, you would think the kids would be fine with the idea of mums bf moving in with her.....wouldnt you?


    OP, I have to agree that if you arent living together and not splitting finances then he can spend his money on whatever he wants to. Sorry.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BbBbBh View Post
    I have a friend who has 4 children from a marriage and has been with her bf for 11 years. She has never wanted to live with him because of her kids but she and him a very much in a committed relationship. I have a cousin too who has been married before but will not live with her bf of 6 years. Works well for all concerned. I would definitely consider this living arrangement in the future- purely for the kids though
    I didn't say there was anything wrong with it - my point was the OP clearly has different ideas about how she defines their relationship than her bf does. And that's what they need to clarify.

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    Default When your boyfriend buys a major purchase without discussing?

    I don't think not living together automatically means its not a serious relationship. I know several people who were together for many years without living together. Personally, My husband and I didn't move in together until we were married so we were in the same situation. Some people take moving in together very seriously and take a few years to get to that point.


    OP, I would be a bit miffed IF you had been saving for something together or if he owed you money or something like that. His finances are his and it is his prerogative to spend them how he likes, however if my boyfriend of that long hasn't asked opinion or included me in some conversation about it I'd be a bit hurt. I guess for a big purchase like that I'd like to feel he valued my opinion.


 

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