I understand you wanting him to be with you while your pregnancy progresses, but this first blood relative nonsense?? Come off it. His father has died.
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05-11-2012 20:57 #11Senior Member
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05-11-2012 21:29 #12
Totally agree with Renesme here.
Perhaps his Mum is having a really hard time dealing with the loss of her partner. I realise that makes it incredibly hard for you during what should be a special time for you and your partner, but sometimes life just isnt that easy.
After the death of a partner there is often lots of things to sort out, and adjusting to life alone is incredibly hard sometimes.
I know that you should come first for him - but that doesnt mean he has to be by your side 24/7 ... unfortunately sometimes its just not possible.
You need to really talk to him about this, and sort out a plan for all of you. How long is he going to be staying? Maybe he can come home for a while and go back to help out his Mum in a week or two. You need to feel supported and like he is there for you and the family you are having together ... you need to feel that he is putting you first - but perhaps this is just something he really needs to do.
05-11-2012 21:39 #13
I just want to add something for those thinking 5 weeks is long enough...
Not everyone deals with death the same way, especially if it's sudden.
My Mum lost her Mum after nursing her through a horrible cancer battle and she's only recently learnt to deal with it and she passed last September.
Maybe his Mum really needs him, I know mine needed us. No excuse to neglect his pregnant partner though.
05-11-2012 22:01 #14
I know it's hard for you being pregnant but I don't think 5 weeks truly is very long even though to you it must feel like an eternity. Your feelings are probably valid but I don't think you can put a time limit on the grieving process. I lost my sister 21yrs ago and still have to have bouts of counselling and I'm still not past it. It took my parents a lot longer than 5 weeks to deal with it too.
I know you probably meant no harm but the fact that it's his adopted father means absolutely nothing. I am adopted and if my natural father died I wouldn't even know but if my adopted father died it would be horrendous. And I agree with PP that it's probably not correct to refer to the baby as his only blood relative, my family is not my blood but I would be gutted if anyone actually referred to it either to my face or behind my back.
I don't mean to be harsh and I do understand where you are coming from but I think you are in a tricky position.
05-11-2012 22:28 #15
I'm not trying to make a big deal of him being adopted and the fact the his parents adopted him means I met him his mother is holding his dads death against him unfortunately making him feel like he owes everything to her I understand he is going through a hard time but he has moved out and said its for 2 months meanwhile I'm alone at night times and lost my job about 3 weeks ago meaning also I'm alone all day his mother has not been real great with me and I haven't been horrible to her but she has told me he needs to be with his family so she has not even considered me apart of his family before his father passed he said to me finally get to see something that looks like him I know he loves his mum but she is making it quite difficult as I said making him feel bad as he is the only child saying that she is never going to have anyone now I understand she lost her husband but it feels like I have also lost mine considering he comes home maybe once a week now that's especially hard
05-11-2012 22:38 #16Senior Member
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- Aug 2009
If you have no job...i would suggest going and staying with him.
Personally, I would not be OK with my husband leaving me behind (especially if his mother was saying I was not family) and going and staying with his mum (or anyone) for 2 months). Nor would I leave my husband behind and go and stay somewhere for 2 months without him.
You are carrying her grandchild...if she does not consider that family...then there is a bigger problem.
How was the relationship between you before his fathers death? Were you and your DP getting on OK? DId you and his mum get on OK?
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05-11-2012 22:46 #17
I don't feel like going to love with her would be the best for me especially considering the fact she doesn't consider me family.
I like to live in a very clean environment and her place is just not what I can handle mould on the walls in bed sheets and such just not safe for me right now :/
Me and my partner were fine before everything happened we were both getting excited picking a name list and going and looking at baby things we were honestly at our happiest ad then everything came crashing down unfortunately.
05-11-2012 23:22 #18Senior Member
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- Feb 2012
- Brisbane North
I think all 3 of you will just have to maybe talk it all out... on who stands where. She needs to acknowledge weather you're ''family or not'', that you're carrying her grandchild and if you want your child to have a relationship with her (how close is dp with her?) then you will have to get used to having her in your life.
Would you have her come stay at your place?
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12-11-2012 16:26 #19Senior Member
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- Jan 2008
To be honest if she doesnt consider u family now I wouldn't accept if she changes her tune once the baby comes along. If she wants to have a relationship with her grandchild she should stop being such a ***** and consider making a relationship with you. From my guessing u have a mummys boy whose mummy makes him feel guilty and is jealous if the son is in a relationship. Ive been there and done that twice with a mummys boy and a daddys boy even to the point his mum knew about our sexlife thats when i thought it was creepy if u dont put ur foot down now she will always have it over you. Yes she has lost her husband but she needs to realise her son has a life with someone who is pregnant with their child his mum needs to understand she cannot have her son 24/7 as he isnt a child.I would talk to ur partner about coming home even if it is make it one week he stays an extra night at time the next week add another night at home to its gradually making his way to coming back hom permanently.
Last edited by jaidynsmylilman; 12-11-2012 at 16:28.
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