I started to make an undercover id but i just couldnt be bothered.
First off this is going to be long, put the kettle on now hehe!
DH never instigates love making. Its been an ongoing issue our whole relationship and now i know why.
A month ago Saturday i woke up early and went out to the loungeroom to find DH with a hard on watching a woman doing a work out video online. I didnt get mad, im over it so i went back to the bedroom and slammed the door shut.
After about an hour DH came in and appologised to me. Long story short i poured my heart out to him, i've noticed for the past 6 months that he has been looking up these exercise videos. I told him how it makes me feel i am a big lady about 95kg and i have no self esteem at all left after that day. Im also 27 weeks pregnant. It makes me want to starve myself and to go and exercise, i know i cant be full on with being pregnant.
We have had s.ex twice in the past 6 months! Buggers me how i fell pregnant(It was after a fight about him not touching me for 3 months). I told him i dont care if he watches what ever turns him on as long as he uses that to come to bed with me, i offered to watch it with him but he said that would make him uncomfortable. So again i said you can watch it just come to bed and make love to me instead of doing it to himself in the loungeroom alone.
He admitted he has a problem and that he would go to the Dr to see about councelling and would call and make an appointment while he was at work on Monday.
DH works Saturday night at a bar and comes home at 3am on Sunday mornings and then back to work on Sunday at 10am. We went out for dinner on Sunday night to celebrate our new start, it was a wonderful night when we got home i hopped into bed and he said i will be in soon. I stayed awake for as long as i could, woke up at about 2am to him just coming to bed. I just sighed and rolled over the other way.
On Monday i went onto youtube to watch natural birthing techniques and what do i find hundreds and hundreds of exercise vidoes that he has watched. After our talk on Sat he watched 15 vidoes when he got home at 3am and on the Sunday night after our dinner he watched a further 20. And still never came to bed to be with me.
I packed his bags before he got home on Monday, after another fight i agreed that he could stay but until i got my self confidence back and he made me feel like a wife not a friend again he had to sleep in the spare bedroom.
A month he has been sleeping in the spare room and not once has he come into our room. I told him i wont be begging him for it ever again and if he wants it he needs to be the one to take the reins so to speak.
I went through google searches and im dumb founded its not just exercise vidoes, its women out of the movies we watch like the chick out of quarantine 2 naked and things like that.
Here is where my problem is i cant stop thinking about it, im so hurt and every time i look at him i feel stupid. I know i need to seek some sort of councelling over it as i am not really coping. I dont even share my feelings with DH anymore as i dont even want him to be a part of them.
I cant even look in the mirror and i go so quiet in the car when we drive past a woman jogging cause in my head he is drooling over her while his fat wife is sitting in the car beside him. I feel sick at the thought of driving past the gym with him in the car cause you can see though the windows.
All his little girly friends on facebook (who he works with at the pub) are all going to the gym and posting selfies of them working out with their tight low cut clothes showing off, and i find myself going online before him and blocking their pics before he can see them. (I think i am in need on councelling)
Its just like we had never had "the talk" things are just back to how they were before but we sleep in seperate rooms. As if nothing has happened at all. I cant leave or tell him to leave as its not an option for me. Although i have used it as a threat.
He hasnt been to the Dr or made an appointment like he said he would. What do i do now? Is this as good as it gets? How do i see someone about this, i am an emotional wreck. Am i over reacting?
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04-11-2012 12:03 #1
Same old issues over and over again HELP
04-11-2012 12:11 #2
Same old issues over and over again HELP
If you are not prepared to leave, then I think it is as good as it gets. Sorry. He has made no effort to even lay next to you in bed. Actions speak way louder than words in this case, IMO.
There would only be one option for me, and that would be to leave or kick him out.
04-11-2012 12:25 #3
I have a very close friend who has recently separated from her husband of 20 years for the same issue. She has been free (as she calls it! and happy!) for a couple months now and after resuming a normal social life, gets hit on alll the time by random guys. She friggin' loves it, self esteem soaring! BTW, she's a larger size as well. The rejection from hubby really did damage over the years, there was counselling, lots of talk & promises but he did not change.
I'm sorry OP but he may not change. You may need to look at whether you want to hang in there, having your esteem and your very self hurt by this person daily on the hope they will change... or start making the mental shift to move on with your life, without him.
04-11-2012 12:37 #4
How do i go about seeing someone about this? I really dont feel right emotionally. In my head i feel that if i was skinny we wouldnt have this issue, i have been the same size since we started dating 7 years ago. But im 27 weeks pregnant and only going to get bigger. I cant afford to be on my own, i have no support networks.
04-11-2012 12:41 #5
You shouldn't have to feel that way; it's your partner who has the problem and he needs to change and show you love for who you are, just as you are.
If you want to talk to someone about it, Relationships Australia might be a good start: (http://www.relationships.org.au/ 1300 364 277) or your GP?
04-11-2012 14:54 #6
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