Feel so guilty

[SassyMummy]

It's only been 5 months. There was no way in hell I'd have wanted to fall pregnant when DD was that age. No way in hell.

She's 7 now though, and I'd quite like for her to have a sibling. Ideally, I'd have given her one when she was about 3 or 4.

Your son has a long time before he's going to care about siblings either way, and there's a big chance your mind will change over time, so don't stress about this kind of thing just yet. It's way too early to feel selfish or anything at this point.

[Guest654]

Just to add to what I said before...

A lot of people are saying to the OP that it's early days and not to feel bad 'yet'. While that's true, I just wanted to say that if you still feel like that in 3,4,5,10 years time then that is absolutely fine! There is no rule that you have to have a certain number of children. Stick to what feels right for you, and don't make decisions based on guilt or feelings or what you think other people expect/ want.

[Lovejoypeace]

I always wanted my children to be close in age but when I had my first and it came to 9mths the age i had planned on trying for no 2 I couldn't fathom the idea of having another bub as he was still a baby and I was absolutely content with just the one at that stage. I ended up having no 2 2.5 years later and so on so there is no rush if your bub is only 5 months just enjoy it all until you're ready to try again. Also you have an awesome time ahead with you little one as from this age till 1 year is an amazing time, I loved it!
(I also went on to have a surprise no 3 baby and then a 6 year gap and a planned no 4 baby)

[Mum2twoEs]

I originally wanted my kids to be close in age but after hating pregnancy and struggling so much I wasn't in any rush.......unfortunately I fell pregnant again when dd1 was 4months. Don't get me wrong I love my girls but omg it's hard work even now at 2 and 1 but I wouldn't have done it so close intentionally so don't feel guilty see how you go and go again if and when you want to and if not who cares spoil them and enjoy having them

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[kw123]

DD is 5 months old and all my friends at this age are already considering more kids. I've always wanted 2 so they have companionship but now that I have one, I can't imagine going through all this again.

It was an average pregnancy, easy labour and she's overall a pretty good bub. Had a rough patch with sleeping which knocked me about for the first 3 months but so many people have had much worse.

Fell pregnant pretty much straight away too.

So I feel really guilty that the reason I don't want another is that I really hated the sleep deprivation and going through the newborn 'living hell' stage. Because I am too selfish to make another baby DD will miss out on a sibling. It's not because I can't conceive, not because it was a difficult labour, not because of financial reasons, it's just because it was too hard for me.

OMG I could have written this! My DS is 4.5 months.

I can't imagine doing it all over again even though he is a fairly easy bub. I adore him but I find the sleepless nights really really hard.

I have friends with colicky/reflux/high needs babies who are already talking about #2 and I don't know how they can be.

We will try for another to be honest as when I look to the future I can see two kids, but I don't want the baby stage again. I also find being at home full-time rather dull as much as I adore DS.

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone in your feelings!!

[justthe3ofus]

Please do not stress! You don't need to make this decision now. As others have said, you may change your mind down the track, but if you don't, that's fine. DO NOT feel guilty!!! You need to figure out how you can be the best parent you can be. DH and I only ever wanted one child and I figure I can be a better mum to one than I can to two. I don't think I can go through the 'baby' stage again, I just don't want to and never have wanted to. I have gone through SO MANY periods of feeling guilty about this but I don't anymore. I just don't fancy the idea of two children and you can't have another child out of guilt. In my mind, my family has just the three of us (hence my username!) and I'm so looking forward to everything we can provide for DD that we wouldn't be able to if we had another child. I don't want to go through the stress of pregnancy, labour, birth and the newborn weeks again, it majorly screwed me up the first time and I just don't want to risk what that could do to DD if I went through it again. It's not only that though, like I said we have always just wanted the one child and that's what we feel is right for us. Some people are happy to make that short term sacrifice as they imagine evenings around the dinner table surrounded by lots of children talking about their day at school. That's just not me, and if it's not you either, don't feel bad!

Plus, having a sibling is not a guarantee for a happy life. There's no guarantee they will be close or get along. Most do, and that's lovely. Most parents at least want to try for that. But I know MANY only children who are perfectly happy and content in life. Their parents had the time to spend with them and focus on only them. They were allowed to have friends over whenever they wanted and foster really close relationships with others, instead of being forced to play with siblings they don't get along with. Their birthday parties in school were always the most fun. If you feel that's right for you, then don't feel bad. But if you do want more children, you have plenty of time!!!

[SassyMummy]

Just to add to what I said before...

A lot of people are saying to the OP that it's early days and not to feel bad 'yet'. While that's true, I just wanted to say that if you still feel like that in 3,4,5,10 years time then that is absolutely fine! There is no rule that you have to have a certain number of children. Stick to what feels right for you, and don't make decisions based on guilt or feelings or what you think other people expect/ want.

Oh, of course... but chances are, as a parent, you're going to get the guilts if your kid starts asking for a sibling and you won't have one because you're happy with having only one child. So if years go by and she's still not wanting more, she may very well end up feeling selfish and guilty. That doesn't mean she should go have more kids she doesn't want, but you can do the right thing and still feel badly about it.

It's just that, if you're ever going to start stressing that your kid will miss out on having brothers and sisters, now's not really the time. It's too early to say you're never going to do it again and be certain of it... and it's too early for her child to even give a stuff either way... so just, if you're going to eventually worry about these things, just do it later... not now... cos there's no point.