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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Help, advice needed re: vag birth or c-section.


    Sorry about potential TMI. I am 30 weeks pregnant with our first baby and have never really considered the thought of an elective c-section until the last couple of weeks.
    I have always had a very tight/uncomfortable vagina, it took DH and I about 6 months and a gynie visit to actually be able to achieve penetration for the first time and it has always remained kind of painful with occasional tears.
    The tearing and pain has definitely gotten worse with being pregnant and I now tear again pretty much every time we DTD.
    My OB has told me that bub is quite big and her head was measuring in the 95% at 21 weeks. Seeing as how DH and I need to use IVF to have bubs s3x for us needs to be a pleasure thing. I am becoming really worried that I will tear severely with the birth of our baby and it will affect our s3x life moving forward (it's something we always have to work on anyway cause I have a super low s3x drive). I'm not scared of birth but I really couldn't bear the thought of permanently destroying our sex life.

    Am I being stupid??

  2. #2
    Nmgb's Avatar
    Nmgb is offline No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm ♡
    Join Date
    Feb 2011

    Default Help, advice needed re: vag birth or c-section.

    No not at all. If you tear during intercourse you have every right to worry about having a vb. I'd definitely discuss it with your midwives/ob at your next appointment

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Although you mAy notice differences after a vaginal birth, sex is not destroyed for you... If it was that damaging for the human body, not as many people would be having babies! Nd vaginal births would deginately not be as common. There are a few things to think about here n u need to mak a decision based off what you want and feel more comfortable with...

    *the obvious about csections- you will be in mote pain and have a harder healing time. You will be permanently weakening your abdominal muscles ans this can result in long term pain. I know many people who still have moments of pain in their scar 3,4,5 years after birth.

    *many people find sex even more painful after a Cesearean delivery. a lot of people experience a significant decrease in muscle tone. This is because it is the weight of carrying the baby in your womb that puts pressure on your pelvic floor, looseness isn't actually because of the baby coming out of a vagina. Keels are the only thing that can protect you from looseness and other complications from a slackened pelvic floor, and they need to be done daily regardless of the type of birth u have.
    * there is evidence that csections interfere with the babies health. Obviously this is not a huge factor, because if it was they would not allow elective csections, but it is a small risk none the less that the mother should be aware of. 1. Is that the baby misses out on special vaginal bacteria that is only in a vaginal delivery and this means they miss out on the health benefits of the bacteria if delivered by csection. Also, there has been studies that csections can be traumatizing and lead to future Problems like anxiety etc. There'd be other factors included in that of course, future health provlems are very minuscule. Lastly, csections can also affect the lungs as they don't get the pressure from vaginal birth that they actually need.
    Anyway I'm telling you these these things because they are still relevant but I wouldn't say your babies health is going to be affected just because of a csection. Many healthy babies are delivered this way and have no problems. yes there are small risks, but there are also small risks with natural births, such as brIn damage etc. They are nothing to fret over but just things to consider in your decision.

    I was 16 when I had my first son, naturally very tight. I also tore during sex and it hurt too. I didn't do any kegels while pregnant because tw midwife told me not to as they'd tighten up more, and I tried perineum massage but I could only get two of my fingers in and that hurt. I eventually gave up and expected I'd tear or need an episiotomy. Well I ended up tearing! I think for a variety of factors - my tightness, the fact that tw midwife was screaming at me to push push push because her shift was up and wanted to go home (she didn't want to allow ANY time for me to stretch, I didn't listen to her at first but eventually she stressed me out and I pushed hard and fast through the crowning to get it over and done with. Big no no!) and also my sons arm was above his head. I had a 2nd degree tear and I have noticed a difference. I am a little looser yes, but not much, I still would say I am tight and my partner loves it. I was too tight before my sons birth but now I am a good size. Sex isn't painful (sometimes it can be and sometimes I Atill tear a little) but it seems my sons birth has fixed my too tight problem. On the other hand, my vagina looks different and that's a bit upsetting to me. It still looks normal and actually isn't ugly, it just looks different to my 16 yr old baby one I had before.. I have a small pink dint in my perineum from my scar from the stitches. I don't think the dr sewed me properly.

    If your having a vaginal birth, I just recommended pushing slow, hot towels to assist woth stretching, a perineum massage in pregnancy if u can, Amd if you are going to tear get an episiotomy, that way the cut will be straight and neat and easy to stitch up and will heal normal. And then Doing kegals afterwards.

    If your vagina is going to be loose Afterwards it will happen from pregnancy not the type of delivery. Vaginas are made to stretch, but your uterus wast made to be cut open. There are pros and cons to both. If u want ro remain tight, exercise your pelvic floor every day, and don't think you can get away with doing them if u deliver via csection or u will probably bs disappointed

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Help, advice needed re: vag birth or c-section.

    There are things you can do to help prevent/minimize tearing such as perenial massage and an epi no.

    Also just wanted to add a lot of women will actually find themselves being tighter afterwards.


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