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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by FiveInTheBed View Post
    IMO..

    ...abuse is abuse is abuse.
    Yes and I agree,...as I said in my disclaimer but if you read further in the case of the two children in my home that I'm having trouble with...there IS grey area and it's this grey area I'd like to discuss.

  2. #42
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    Default Differences in 'abuse'.

    i think its a mental thing in your example op, your daughter would be able to block him, she just doesnt believe she can. a lot of people are intimidated by size, it is human nature, human instinct, which generally triggers fight or flight. your daughter is choosing to flee, but she CAN fight.
    Last edited by Jinxed; 27-10-2012 at 19:54.

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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    Yes and I agree,...as I said in my disclaimer but if you read further in the case of the two children in my home that I'm having trouble with...there IS grey area and it's this grey area I'd like to discuss.
    Also, consider the impact your reaction is having on your song? He can clearly see the discrepency in your reaction, so wouldnt you be worried youre teaching him its not as serious if hes being abused?

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  5. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirby star View Post
    The law doesn't see it that way however, being a female doesn't give you the right to attack someone, neither does being male.
    If you attack someone and they reasonably thump.you back you deserve it.



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    Ok then how would you suggest I deal with my children? When my 9 year old hits my 13 year old and he hits her back...ok she deserves it? But when she hit him (yes it's wrong) She hit him...yeh it probably hurt too, but his response is to stand over her while cowers in the corner while he lays into her. I'm actually tearing up thinking about the fear my 9 year old little girl feels when he's doing this.

    Does she deserve this? Just because she hit him first?

    Do you see my dilema?

    ETA - I'm literally in fear too, while this is happening...because I can see a potential for him to REALLY hurt her...whereas her pititful punches did virtually nothing to him. I have to restain him from hitting her. And yes he is punished more severly than she is...would this be wrong?
    Last edited by Deserama; 27-10-2012 at 19:55.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FiveInTheBed View Post
    IMO..

    ...abuse is abuse is abuse.

    I agree with this. My reaction is the same no matter who hits who in my house. While my older child is faster, my younger child is stronger.

    I don't want to reinforce to my children, by my reaction, that the consequences will be greater for one of the children.

    Otherwise the message they hear may be one at the end of the day is not the correct message. My correct message is that hitting is hitting no matter who does it!

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    I think what D is asking (and correct me I'm wrong? lol) is it ok for her older, bigger son to hit his sister back when she hits him?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    Also, consider the impact your reaction is having on your song? He can clearly see the discrepency in your reaction, so wouldnt you be worried youre teaching him its not as serious if hes being abused?

    Sent from my HUAWEI-U8850 using BubHub
    Ok then how would you suggest I deal with my children? When my 9 year old hits my 13 year old and he hits her back...ok she deserves it? But when she hit him (yes it's wrong) She hit him...yeh it probably hurt too, but his response is to stand over her while cowers in the corner while he lays into her. I'm actually tearing up thinking about the fear my 9 year old little girl feels when he's doing this.

    Does she deserve this? Just because she hit him first?

    Do you see my dilema?

    ETA - I'm literally in fear too, while this is happening...because I can see a potential for him to REALLY hurt her...whereas her pititful punches did virtually nothing to him. I have to restain him from hitting her. And yes he is punished more severly than she is...would this be wrong?

  9. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    Ok then how would you suggest I deal with my children? When my 9 year old hits my 13 year old and he hits her back...ok she deserves it? But when she hit him (yes it's wrong) She hit him...yeh it probably hurt too, but his response is to stand over her while cowers in the corner while he lays into her. I'm actually tearing up thinking about the fear my 9 year old little girl feels when he's doing this.

    Does she deserve this? Just because she hit him first?

    Do you see my dilema?

    ETA - I'm literally in fear too, while this is happening...because I can see a potential for him to REALLY hurt her...whereas her pititful punches did virtually nothing to him. I have to restain him from hitting her. And yes he is punished more severly than she is...would this be wrong?
    Of course she does not deserve it. But the consequences should be the same for BOTH if they are hitting. They should both be shown that neither behaviour is right.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I think what D is asking (and correct me I'm wrong? lol) is it ok for her older, bigger son to hit his sister back when she hits him?
    Yeh...not just hit her even...but lay into her with bigger punches than she could even muster!

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    Default Re: Differences in 'abuse'.

    For some reason it wouldn‘t let me quote, Dilirium.

    Even a nine year old understands cause and effect. She knows that if she hits her brother, she‘ll get hit back. Just like her brother knows if he hits his sister back, his mum will come down harder on him than her.

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