Differences in 'abuse'.

[Deserama]

If you read one of my previous posts I told the story of how my husband was physically abused by his ex wife and has scars on his face and plenty of mental scars to go with the physical ones. He never laid a hand on her yet she would claw at his face, hit him, push him over and threaten to stab him. So to make the assumption that cases like this don't exist is very close minded. Whilst it may be the minority and not the majority dh and I have to suffer the consequences for the rest of our lives because of what she did to him. Oh and in answer to your size question, she was taller and fatter than him. Dh has trained in various martial arts since a young age but he never used it against her even though she was abusing him.

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I always said that it would be rare...not that it wouldn't happen.

See I'm horrified by that story. But I think it's important to recognise that he had the potential to pommel her! It could have easily gone the other way and he's a good man to not let that happen. Could it be because he recognised the potential to really hurt her though? Where she had caused scratches and that on him...he could have easily have killed her. Would she have been able to kill him? (with normal punching or slapping...no other weapon or martial art) This makes him the bigger person because surely he knows the damage he could have caused her had he let rip on her. She probably knew that too and used it as a form of control! That can easily happen too

[Jennaisme]

I always said that it would be rare...not that it wouldn't happen.

See I'm horrified by that story. But I think it's important to recognise that he had the potential to pommel her! It could have easily gone the other way and he's a good man to not let that happen. Could it be because he recognised the potential to really hurt her though? Where she had caused scratches and that on him...he could have easily have killed her. Would she have been able to kill him? (with normal punching or slapping...no other weapon or martial art) This makes him the bigger person because surely he knows the damage he could have caused her had he let rip on her. She probably knew that too and used it as a form of control! That can easily happen too

I think I simply can‘t agree based soley on the fact that it sounds like you‘re trying to place the blame and the responsibility soley on the victim and it‘s not something I can or will agree with.

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[intruderalert1234]

From further reading i would say you as the parent need to step in when your son starts the verbal ****, this is not a gender issue at all,

You need to talk to your son when he is not angry and tell him IF you call your sister nasty names and she slaps you as a result YOU are the one in the wrong and will be punished accordingly.


IF your sister RANDOMLY slaps you and you smack her back BOTH will be punished accordingly.

And IF your sister torments you and you smack her back ONCE as a result she will be punished as required.


Your son needs anger management & to see someone, he is being verbally abusive towards your daughter.

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[Deserama]

I think I simply can‘t agree based soley on the fact that it sounds like you‘re trying to place the blame and the responsibility soley on the victim and it‘s not something I can or will agree with.

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What???

[Deserama]

From further reading i would say you as the parent need to step in when your son starts the verbal ****, this is not a gender issue at all,

You need to talk to your son when he is not angry and tell him IF you call your sister nasty names and she slaps you as a result YOU are the one in the wrong and will be punished accordingly.


IF your sister RANDOMLY slaps you and you smack her back BOTH will be punished accordingly.

And IF your sister torments you and you smack her back ONCE as a result she will be punished as required.


Your son needs anger management & to see someone, he is being verbally abusive towards your daughter.

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Yeh pretty much have done this yeh. Thanks. Yeh she always gets in trouble if does anything without any provocation and vice versa...so yeh. You said you did further reading...do you have a link there somewhere I can read?

[mrstuilawa]

I always said that it would be rare...not that it wouldn't happen.

See I'm horrified by that story. But I think it's important to recognise that he had the potential to pommel her! It could have easily gone the other way and he's a good man to not let that happen. Could it be because he recognised the potential to really hurt her though? Where she had caused scratches and that on him...he could have easily have killed her. Would she have been able to kill him? (with normal punching or slapping...no other weapon or martial art) This makes him the bigger person because surely he knows the damage he could have caused her had he let rip on her. She probably knew that too and used it as a form of control! That can easily happen too

With all due respect your previous post to me questioned whether such cases where a male had not used his strength or size to his advantage even existed. Make up your mind where you stand on this topic.
Dh never retaliated because he was honest to god petrified of her. The same fear females have of males bigger than them, only this was the male being petrified of the female. She had bars and security doors installed on their house so she could lock him in whilst she was at work. She would threaten to stab him and hold a knife to his face/neck/chest on a regular basis so I don't think there's any point in pretending or wondering how things would have panned out without weapons or martial arts. At the time he weighed 65kg she weighed about 85kg. There's no doubt she could have and did hurt him and I'm convinced she could have done much worse damage if she wanted to.
He attempted to commit suicide over fighting back. Dh would never use his training against another human whether they are male or female, he's got too much respect for others to do that.

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[Jennaisme]

What???

The scenario with your kids is so far out of the realms of DV that take place normally(that I know of), that I cant compare the two. Your song sounds like he has anger management and control issues, and tbh up until the point he lays hands on your daughter in that manner, I believe, personally, that he is the victim or DV. His reaction is so far out of the realms of strict overpowering one punch and her jaw is broken ideal that the two aren‘t comparable.

I took your OP as someone had been beaten and belted and hadnt done anything until they finally snapped, punched her back and broke her jaw. In this case, I feel that if you think he should be punished harsher in this case that it‘s blaming the victim and holdibg him responsible for his abusers attacks.

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[WineTime]

I could be wrong, but I think Kirby Star means further reading as in further reading of the thread where information has come out from you in bits and pieces before you snapped your biscuit back there.

Maybe you should start two new threads, one for discussion about your kids if you want to do that (which you did but now you've apparently changed your mind) and another to discuss whether its ok for women to belt men but not the other way around. Because you keep chopping and changing topics here, its really not clear what you want to discuss.

It is clear that anyone who disagrees with you is wrong though...

[Deserama]

With all due respect your previous post to me questioned whether such cases where a male had not used his strength or size to his advantage even existed. Make up your mind where you stand on this topic.

I've always said that it was rare. I'm also not the only one who said that.

Dh never retaliated because he was honest to god petrified of her. The same fear females have of males bigger than them, only this was the male being petrified of the female. She had bars and security doors installed on their house so she could lock him in whilst she was at work. She would threaten to stab him and hold a knife to his face/neck/chest on a regular basis so I don't think there's any point in pretending or wondering how things would have panned out without weapons or martial arts. At the time he weighed 65kg she weighed about 85kg. There's no doubt she could have and did hurt him and I'm convinced she could have done much worse damage if she wanted to.
He attempted to commit suicide over fighting back. Dh would never use his training against another human whether they are male or female, he's got too much respect for others to do that.

Well then he's a bigger man than a lot of others. You're lucky to have him

[Deserama]

The scenario with your kids is so far out of the realms of DV that take place normally(that I know of), that I cant compare the two. Your song sounds like he has anger management and control issues, and tbh up until the point he lays hands on your daughter in that manner, I believe, personally, that he is the victim or DV. His reaction is so far out of the realms of strict overpowering one punch and her jaw is broken ideal that the two aren‘t comparable.

I took your OP as someone had been beaten and belted and hadnt done anything until they finally snapped, punched her back and broke her jaw. In this case, I feel that if you think he should be punished harsher in this case that it‘s blaming the victim and holdibg him responsible for his abusers attacks.

I'm a little bit confused by your posts I'm sorry. But just to clarify AGAIN...things are improving around here so all is good. I used my kids as an example of inequal or undue force, as being in the case in other scenarios.

Thankfully others have come in confirming the legal ramifications of undue force, which kinda goes along with what I was originally thinking. I think though the law works more in evidence rather than just looking at someone.