I think this is a fantastic pointI dont think its about SAHP at all. It is really the individual and their drive, etc.
You can be a working parent in a dead end job and hate it, have no compulsion to work harder or be better or work yourself through the ranks so I cant see how that sort of working parent would help....using your example.
But you could have a SAHM that is driven, that bakes and cooks and sells these things at the local markets, that loves to read and learn new things and takes short courses to better herself and therefore can then share that with her kids. So is that mum worse then the working parent that doesnt have any career focus?
Some of the SAHM examples are about the parent themselves. Yes they stayed at home and looked after their kids but maybe they themselves didnt want a job or career....that they just wanted to be at home? Some people are just like that.
I know lots of people that hate work and have no career aspirations and I certainly wouldnt send my kids to them for a working role model!
I am a SAHM but I now run my own business from home, look after my kids, help with homework, look after the house and cook and bake and do after school playdates too. I think I am an awesome role model for my boys and daugther.
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22-10-2012 11:51 #51
22-10-2012 12:05 #52
My dad is 100% career orientated. He actually said the phrase "hurry up, I have to go pick up people in 10minutes" whilst my mum was in labour with me.
My mum was a stay at home parent until her and my dad divorced, at which point my mum got a job in a photo lab (remember those days? Was my first job too haha).
Anywho, I HATED her not being there every day after school. My brother and I would walk home and make a sandwich and bum around until she got home. Then when my brother was in high school and I was in primary school, I would finish before him so would walk home by myself and sit out the front until he got home or at that point, until my Step dad got home from work. She was a great mother and tried to come to as many assemblies, awards and concerts as she could, but it wasnt always possible. I dont resent her for it at all.
I am not career orientated. I became a SAHM when I was 19 after being fired for being pregnant (another story perhaps). I love being a SAHM. I now work in the afternoons at my sons after school care and he loves having me there. I think I am setting a good example for my son......people dont have to agree with me. He has said he wants to work when he is older despite his primary carer being a SAHM......so I guess I must be doing something right, eh?
ETA: DS is now 8.
Last edited by London; 22-10-2012 at 12:41.
22-10-2012 12:06 #53
Re: Stay at home mum vs career mum
I think those being condescending to the OP and telling her 'oh you are young, you don't have kids, you will feel differently then' are being pretty hypocritical. I am old, I have a child and one on the way, and I agree with much of what she's saying (although I think that those values apply only to me and my family and i wouldn't assume to put them onto anyone else).
I value working. I think me working and being financially independent is being the best role model for my kids. For some people, that's not the case. I don't agree with them but i keep that to myself unless I know the person well. It doesn't bother me if people don't agree with how I parent my kids, but i know it's a sore point for many others, so I tend not to bring it up with people whose views I don't know.
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22-10-2012 12:28 #54Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
I think you can be a SAHM and financially independent, educated, and intelligent.
DH and I built up a business that can run and be successful regardless of whether we are there on a day to day basis.
It is my choice to spend the majority of my time with DD right now. That doesn't make me financially dependent on anyone, lacking in skills, or without an education. I also think that is a great role model for her - that if you work hard at something you can put yourself in a position where you truly have choice.
Just offering another perspective.
22-10-2012 12:38 #55Junior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Gold Coast
I am a Full Time Mum and I love it. When we were pregnant with our first the plan was that I were to return to work after six months cause we simply could not afford for me to stay at home. Like you my mum was a SAHM and I can relate to how you feel and your worries about financial dependance etc.
Once you have your little girl things will be clearer. When my six months were over, I realised that neither I nor my baby were ready for me to retur to work. We made some big decision including selling our house so we could afford me staying at home.
I love it and I must say I am a little old fashioned when it comes to mums staying at home. I do believe that our children need us and that it is our 'job' to be with our children and nurture them.
In terms of your worries of staying off work, just because you stay off work for now, it doesnt mean that you will be for the rest of your life. Once she turns old enough and you feel comfortable, you could put her into day care part-time and you could do part-time work?
Last edited by Mod-biscotti; 24-10-2012 at 17:26. Reason: Removing link
22-10-2012 12:41 #56Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
I really don't understand why some are offended by the ops post ??? What I got from it made total sense ..
22-10-2012 12:48 #57
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22-10-2012 12:49 #58
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22-10-2012 12:52 #59
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22-10-2012 12:55 #60Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
I do think it's good to plan, absolutely, and she may very well feel that she does want to return to work within 6 months.
I tried to study when DS was 7 months.... absolute DISASTER! He didn't take to child care until he was 3 years old! I never wanted to be a SAHM long-term but unfortunately I got myself a mummy's boy
Like you, for my family I feel healthier and happier when I've got my own income source. I don't have the world's best career, but I need my own income. I never plan to be a SAHM long-term but I am open to the idea because my future baby may be like my DS and scream the centre down if I try to return to any sort of normalicy.
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