Not all SAHMs are financially dependent. And many couples have worked out their financial situation, investments, etc. so that retirement is not a concern.
Most of the concerns I'm reading on here relate to wives being left in a bad position if they have to go back to work/ divorce/ retire. While I agree that CAN be the case, it isn't necessarily the case.
FWIW, my mum was a SAHM (actually she was a SAHW before having kids!) and I have the utmost respect for her.
I loved the fact that at school I would come home to find her waiting for me, we'd have a cup of tea and I'd tell her about my day, and I didn't have to let myself in or come home to an empty house like some of my friends did. She was always (and still is) one of my best friends, and I grew up feeling happy that she was always there for me and we chatted every day about everything.
In saying that it's not my intention to make any working parents feel bad, as I don't believe there is a right or wrong in this instance. I'm just relating my experience.
I grew up ambitious, went to uni, had a successful career, etc. 'despite' her being a SAHM. She was a great role model. She taught me to believe in myself, to work hard for my goals, and that no matter what happened she would be there for me.
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23-10-2012 16:06 #181Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
23-10-2012 16:06 #182
Plays the cultural card too...
It's expected that our kids look after us in our old age.
MIL lives with her two daughters, my nana lives almost nomadic between her 3 childrens homes, each has a room for her, my great-grandmother on the other side lived with her daughters.
... and in case our kids grow up to hate us, we have back up retirement plans, but don't tell them that.
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23-10-2012 16:17 #183
23-10-2012 16:23 #184Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
I feel the same way about my mother Girl X (although they both worked), which is why I think the OP is a bit moot as being a good role model has nothing to do with employment status (unless you are employed as a hitman or something).
23-10-2012 17:45 #185
To answer a PP's question....I'm not concerned about retirement. DH's superannuation is going to be more then enough, in addition we have other investments. If DH was to die, he is insured for more then I will ever need. If we were to divorce, I would get enough in the settlement to own a house outright which would be a huge factor and I know I could have some claim to a portion of his superannuation.
23-10-2012 17:56 #186
I don't have any intention of living off my kids when I'm old! Goodness...too bad if they want to travel or something. Unless they become rich of course, which my eldest has already promised that she'd buy me a mansion But culture or not it's not something that I'd want to burden my kids with. They should be free to make their own lives without having to consider where mummy dearest is going to be.
23-10-2012 18:00 #187
23-10-2012 18:16 #188
Having said that, I wouldn't want to rely on that though, although it'd be nice to rock up at theirs with some money!!! But at this rate...being a full time SAHM for so many years I won't have any choice but to burden my kids, whether they want me there or not, my pitiful super won't do diddly squat!
23-10-2012 18:46 #189-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Stay at home mum vs career mum
Any parent (mum or dad) can be a good or bad role model regardless of whether or not they stay at home or have paid work.
What matters most is if the big picture is a good one: that both parents provide their child with a stable, loving, well rounded environment where ethics like hard work are taught. The mum doesn't have to have paid work to do this... If the dad works and mum stays at home they can both add good things to the picture. And vice versa.
My siblings and I (girls) are all focused, with good careers ....and families. Who can take credit for that? My mother? Nope. She was a SAHM but Spent more time worrying about her cigarettes rather than her kids. My dad who worked? Well he was quite strict and no doubt instilled discipline in his kids but sometimes I think we succeeded despite him and his rules.
Perhaps we were lucky as we had good teachers. And good friends at school who weren't into stuff like drugs. Perhaps we succeeded because of ourselves. Perhaps it's a combination of everything.
One parent not having paid work doesn't, in itself, make or break a child.
23-10-2012 19:30 #190Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2007
One of the best things we can do for our daughters is to treat them equal to our sons, and teach our daughters to respect themselves and others and teach our sons to respect themselves and others
A child that is raised with love and respect will make their own way in the world adequately well whether they are raised by SAHP's, WAHP's, WP's, two fathers, two mothers, one mother, one father, several generation in one house etc.
Succesful people and despicable criminals have come from all walks of life and different family make-ups so I don't believe that family make up is what makes a good adult, but rather the culture of the family - and a culture that embraces love and respect will always give a child the best start in life, whereas a culture of abuse/violence etc will always make life harder for a child.
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