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  1. #1
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    Default Separated - father at birth or not?

    For those of you separated or not in a relationship with FOB at birth time - did you have them present? Was it weird or strange?

    DH hasn't asked yet and I don't even know if we will be back together by the time by bub arrived - although I seriously doubt it at this stage so trying to get as prepared as possible.

    But if he wants to be, I don't know how I feel about that. I think I should only have supportive people there for ME in my time of need. But then I don't want to deprive him of being there when his baby enters this world.

    Was it weird or uncomfortable having an ex watch you in your most vulnerable state? Or were they waiting outside until after bub was born to come in? Or did you just call when it was all over?

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    Default Re: Separated - father at birth or not?

    I think you should only have supportive people there that are for you!
    I didn't have my ex at my birth. I didn't even consider it for a second!

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using BubHub

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    Default Separated - father at birth or not?

    FOB was there for DS1's birth, because we both wanted him to be.

    We still loved each other and I was fairly sure we would be together again, so I didn't want him to have missed out on that. He was great and supportive, as I knew he would be...but I wouldn't have had him there if I thought it was going to make it more difficult.
    At that point we had been separated for over 6 months, and I felt a bit uncomfortable and didn't want him to watch DS1 crowning or anything...but I also didn't even want the midwives to look so I don't think it was him particularly, I just don't like people looking down there.


    With DS2 we separated a lot later into the pregnancy - 32 weeks, so I'd had a lot less time to process things and decide what I wanted.
    A few days before I was induced I made the decision that I wanted him to be there. Turns out his birth was crazy quick. I went from being told I wasn't in labour yet, to pushing him out so FOB missed it anyway.

    I think you just need to think about it and do whatever feels most comfortable to you. It's a really important moment and you don't want to regret having/not having him there.

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    I think it's less about whether you're separated/him being the father etc and more about whether he is part of your support network. If you think you'll feel comfort in having him there and if you think he'll be supportive then maybe yes. But if he's not going.to be supportive or a positive thing for you then you shouldn't have him there just because hes the father.

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    Default Separated - father at birth or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by WineTime View Post
    I think it's less about whether you're separated/him being the father etc and more about whether he is part of your support network. If you think you'll feel comfort in having him there and if you think he'll be supportive then maybe yes. But if he's not going.to be supportive or a positive thing for you then you shouldn't have him there just because hes the father.
    The way things are at the moment, I honestly don't think he would be a support to me. He doesn't even ask how I'm feeling - ever - so he would only be there for the sake of his child being born.

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    Default Separated - father at birth or not?

    I am not having him in there.

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    Default Separated - father at birth or not?

    I'm going to reply from the flip side and from a slightly different scenario.

    My nephew is FOB. The MOB did not tell him when his DD was being born and it devastated him - he was so angry and upset. (it had been agreed prior that he would be called).

    Their situation is different though. They aren't/weren't in a relationship. DD was a result of a drunken night of whatever.

    I understand you need trust and delivery in the delivery room.

    But I'm sure your other half would also appreciate the opportunity.


 

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