sd moved in with us 2 months ago as her mum moved to sydney. she had been mucking up prior to this..running away, truancy etc. she is 13.
over the holidays i find out she has been using pot and possibly other drugs. i found this out through her fb as i gained access to it. upon finding this out and dh not really stepping up i put my foot down and said she has to go as i have a duty of care to my own 3 kids and also my job as a family day carer. he took it on himself to contact her mum abotu organising when to take her there to live. that weekend she took off again and didn't turn up from 2 days. all i had was her fb info asking people for pot and telling others how high she is and drunk. dh found her on the sunday at a friends house and took her that day to live in sydney. not even a week there and she already ran off from her mum at the shops. then constantly disobeyed her mum by having friends over at the apartment during the day ( they were living with other people who owned the apartment) when asked not to. by saturday she took off not telling her mum where she was and turned her phone off. however she rings dh and tells him to pick her up from sydney because she hates it there. he alomost went then and there. mind you him and i have been fighting for a few days on a different issue. he didn't end up going that day but did the next day. rang me whil ei was at a party with our 3 kids and tell me he is on his way to sydney to get her, take her to his parents house , come back here, look for a place to live and will move out with her. no discussion at all. so we;ve been fighting even more since then. he thinks nothing is wrong with that arrangement at allhe doens' teven plan on parenting her properly still though, and said he can't stop her hanging out with her friends when she wants to or going out at night. says he'll see our kids all the time then go back to his new place. our 4 yr old is already affected by what is going on with everything. he thinks the world of dh and i kow it will kill him to not have him here. and even worse if it's to live with sd. we can't even afford it, at all.
her mother is willing to take her on still and is very angry at dh for picking sd up. it wasn't even discussed with her. he basically went, picked her up from the friends house she was staying at and left. no clothes,nothing.
meanwhile she is missing more school at his parents house while he chooses what he wants to do. i've given him the option of making her see the term out in sydney and prove to him she wants to change. not jsut words, but staying at school, not getting suspended, getting off drugs, seeing a counsellor, and not running away. but he won't do it. instead he'd prefer to screw our family up and move out
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17-10-2012 20:25 #1
please help me get my head around this
17-10-2012 20:32 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
Did you follow any of the advice people gave you in the last thread?
You told your husband his daughter can't live with you. So he took her to her mums. The daughter refuses to live with her mum. What'd you expect him to do? She wont stay with her mum, you dont want her living with you. He's done the only thing he can do by the sounds of it and is trying to help his daughter.
17-10-2012 20:33 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
Last edited by WineTime; 17-10-2012 at 20:36.
17-10-2012 20:49 #4
It sounds like such a horrible sitation to be in. On one hand I can understand how you feel, I can understand your reasoning and I can understand your desire to protect your children.
On the other, it seems your DH is stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am sure he doesn't want to have to move out but it sounds like he is trying to protect his daughter...
What has happened to this girl to make her this way? She is 13 and well the only 13 year olds I knew/know who act out like that are damaged in some way iykwim... Has something happened that perhaps you don't know about?
I really feel for you all at the moment, because this must be so hard on all of you. I really hope this all gets better for you OP
17-10-2012 21:24 #5
She is screaming out for help and she needs an abundance of it. I don't think he is not trying to "screw up your family" he is trying to help his daughter who clearly needs help. People are giving up on her left, right and centre. She has nothing to change for IF she feels that no one cares either way. Yes she should want to change for herself but she is a child. Your husband has 4 children (I think) in total with equal responsibility for all. He can not just wipe his hands of her and say go live with your mother, that was not working from what you have said.
Tough love does not always work, and it has clearly not worked for her, time for a different approach. I remember suggesting this before but how about looking into harm minimisation for teenagers and giving that a go. Who knows in 10 years this could be one of your own children. How would you like them to be treated?
My heart hurts for her
ETA I do apologise if you find this harsh, I do feel for you! But she is a child, making uniformed childish decisions she needs help, empathy and understanding. If she does not get some sort of help and support this could get a whole lot worse
Last edited by PomPoms; 17-10-2012 at 21:26.
17-10-2012 21:41 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2008
This is so sad. I have a 13yo and she is a child. She spent this evening (secretly) playing with her barbies and now she is in bed with her 30000 fluffy toys. Your stepdaughter needs her childhood back.
Last edited by beancounter; 17-10-2012 at 22:08.
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