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  1. #1
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    Default help! 10yo boy attitude problem.

    Ok so this kid is not mine, it's a child in my class but I really am desperate for help and thought I would give it a go asking here. I need strategies. I have been to my principal but nothing seems to be working.

    Background: I work at a very multicultural school which is very rewarding but I have a student who just doesn't seem to think what he is doing and saying towards other people is wrong. I have had a few issues in the classroom and on the playground with kidsmaking racist comments towards each other. Last term I sat them all down and we talked about respect towards each other and how we should be treating each other and the usual "how would you feel if someone said that to you" but this student says that he wouldnt care what other people say to him (but he does as he has been quite angry about things like this in class before)
    He then says to me 'what if it is part of our culture to speak like that to each other' I replied that I don't know any culture that would hurt other people's feelings by saying nasty things. He then accused me of being racist against him. I told the principle who said he would deal with it but nothing happened.
    Beginning of this term a new student arrived who is autistic. The student who had previously been nasty to other students said to another boy in the class (who has his own social difficulties but is a genuinely lovely and friendly child) "congratulations ***** you are no longer h weirdest kid in the class since ***** arrived"
    I spoke to him about it and said he has to write an apology but he doesn't think what he did was wrong. He said that if he didn't say it he wouldn't have friends. I spoke to hon about peer pressure but doesn't seem to help. He thinks I'm picking on him.
    Sorry for the rant but I am out of ideas?
    Help

  2. #2
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    personality wise...is he malicious about it...or, is it more he thinks he is being "funny" or mucking about (like friends teasing friends)?

    does he struggle socially?

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    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    personality wise...is he malicious about it...or, is it more he thinks he is being "funny" or mucking about (like friends teasing friends)?

    does he struggle socially?
    He is quite malicious about it. He doesn't say it jokingly, he gets quite angry, and as I said, if I say anything to him (which I obviously need to because I cannot let these things happen in the classroom) he thinks that I am picking on him and being racist towards him.
    He has a group of friends, who are often in trouble, but this behaviour seems to be escalating lately, he was not like this at the beginning of the year. He is not socially isolated, and he is quite smart, although he often gets frustrated or angry when he is not top of the class, or doesn't get the best result in assignments or tests.
    I am wondering if there may be something else going on in his life that I do not know about, but as I said, I cannot tolerate that treatment of others in the class but I also do not want him to be going through issues on his own. He seems to hold a lot of anger whenever I (or any other teacher) corrects him on something.

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    I think there is definitely something more going on here - kids show the 'I don't give a $hit' attitude when they really do and are missing something from home.

    I would ask for a parent interview. I would be writing everything down in a diary, presenting it to the parents/guardians and asking them if there is anything they can add that might explain his behaviour.

    I would also then put him on a behaviour contract - which is aligned with the school rules, based on respecting others - there needs to be consequences attached to this.

    I would then speak to the principal about a meeting with principal, parents, you and student if he breaks the contract.

    His behaviour is unacceptable and anti-social. It needs to be dealt with, he is 10 and he is not in charge as much as he probably thinks he is. Set some very clear boundaries and enlist the help of the rest of the staff to support you in this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    I think there is definitely something more going on here - kids show the 'I don't give a $hit' attitude when they really do and are missing something from home.

    I would ask for a parent interview. I would be writing everything down in a diary, presenting it to the parents/guardians and asking them if there is anything they can add that might explain his behaviour.

    I would also then put him on a behaviour contract - which is aligned with the school rules, based on respecting others - there needs to be consequences attached to this.

    I would then speak to the principal about a meeting with principal, parents, you and student if he breaks the contract.

    His behaviour is unacceptable and anti-social. It needs to be dealt with, he is 10 and he is not in charge as much as he probably thinks he is. Set some very clear boundaries and enlist the help of the rest of the staff to support you in this.
    Yes I have been recording everything in my diary on a daily basis. As I said I have spoken to my principle but nothing seems to be coming from that. I'm not allowed to put him on a contract without approval from exec staff which I dont think I will get.
    I know all the things that SHOULD be done but I don't think I can get them in place so I am trying to think of strategies instead thatmight ease the behaviours in class.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LRA View Post
    Yes I have been recording everything in my diary on a daily basis. As I said I have spoken to my principle but nothing seems to be coming from that. I'm not allowed to put him on a contract without approval from exec staff which I dont think I will get.
    I know all the things that SHOULD be done but I don't think I can get them in place so I am trying to think of strategies instead thatmight ease the behaviours in class.
    If I were you I would speak to the principal again, have you tried to seek a behaviour contract? I think his behaviour warrants one. Have you had a parent interview? Have you put consequences in place for past comments?

    Tbh I feel like I did give you some strategies to use and I also took the time to reply very genuinely so I'm not quite sure why you're using capitals toward me...

    Strategies that could work in class are things like mediation between the boy and the students he is offending - along the lines of... when you said that I felt.. Next time I need you to speak to me like.... It;s important that the children who are being treated like this are also taught how to be assertive and stand up to this kind of behaviour.

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    Sorry I didn't mean the capitals towards you I am just saying that I know things that should normally be done but I am not having much success with them and I am frustrated that the principal doesn't seem to be helping me take it further. He has said he will speak to him on Friday about it though so hopefully something comes from that.
    In regards to giving the other boy strategies we are starting the 'bounce back' resilience program this week so hopefully that helps and I will spend some more time with thaat for those who need it (there are a few students who would benefit from learning to stand up for themselves not just one)
    Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post babyla. I am sorry if I did not respond well I am just feeling very frustrated and I did not mean to direct that towards you

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    Default Re: help! 10yo boy attitude problem.

    Also wanted to add that it was Tuesday that I told him he needed to write the apology letter and then he didn't show up to school on Wednesday. I have a feeling that might have been to avoid the issue. We have an excursion today so I hope he turns up for that.
    Also, even though I don't seem to have a lot of support from my principal, I do have lots of support from my grade partners

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    Default help! 10yo boy attitude problem.

    I would contact his parents.

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    Does your prin offer you any support at all? Because that is their job!? I'm gobsmacked that nothing has been done from them at all.

    All I can say is what I would do if I were in your position- but I work at a very small school and access to resources are a lot easier because we don't have to share with as many bodies.

    I would basically do what babyla suggested except I would also discuss with the parents about referral to the school psych. I would be very concerned about a 10 year old with this kind of 'nothing can hurt me' attitude, and I think sessions with the school psych would help break down all these barriers.

    If you are not receiving any support from your prin at this stage, I would seek out a lead teacher at your school who you think may be sympathetic, and ask about what else can be done now. I think going over the prin's head may be dramatic, but TBH I don't really see the point of even HAVING a prin if they are not there to back you up when you need supporting with an issue like this.

    If you are a union member you could always talk to a rep and ask for their advice too.


 

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