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  1. #11
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    My friend and her partner split before the birth of there LO.

    They shared sleep overs from day one.

    I think when your comfortable thats fine

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesca77 View Post
    I have travelled overnight with work twice in past month, so yes he has been away from me. But he was at home with his Dad in his own bed, surroundings, everything familiar etc

    Now Dad doesn't live here so it just feels strange IYKWIM. I guess it just because it's the first time and this is still all so new to me. I'm going to have to get used to it, but I didn't think he'd be expecting to have him overnight this fast. Especially while he's staying on opposite side of town - that shouldn't matter I know, but it makes me feel nervous!

    I think I'll say this Fri is a bit too soon for me (since DH has been going through some stuff too) and to give it another week. If he takes him while I'm out anyway, it will hopefully keep me occupied for the 'first' time if that makes sense!

    Am I being irrational?? This is all so new and confusing for me!

    You are not being irrational at all. He has left you in a vulnerable position, and it is ok to think of yourself first and be a little bit selfish every now and then (and now certainly warrants it in my mind!). Ultimately, it sounds like you will be supporting them having a positive relationship. You are only human, and should not have to put your own emotions completely on the backburner for the wants of others. One week is nothing in the scheme of things, and your ex should have expected an adjustment period for you here, anyway.

  3. #13
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    Default Sleeping at Dad's - how old?

    Quote Originally Posted by schmetterling18 View Post
    You are not being irrational at all. He has left you in a vulnerable position, and it is ok to think of yourself first and be a little bit selfish every now and then (and now certainly warrants it in my mind!). Ultimately, it sounds like you will be supporting them having a positive relationship. You are only human, and should not have to put your own emotions completely on the backburner for the wants of others. One week is nothing in the scheme of things, and your ex should have expected an adjustment period for you here, anyway.
    Thank-you. Yes I'll definitely be encouraging a positive relationship between them, no matter what DH has done to me. Our issues are not the fault of the children.

    I guess I just feel like I'm the one being punished for him leaving, by taking DS away from me so soon. I don't yet like the idea of sitting here on my own and waking up to a quiet house - I'll be lonely! I know I'll eventually enjoy the time to myself, but right now DS is all I have so don't want to be away from him.

  4. #14
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    Just remember, and i know this is a kicker...it's more about your child's right to see his dad than anything else.

    Try to think of it that way...and and imagine how he would feel being away from his daddy and not understanding why. Getting regular visits now will help your DS be a balanced and happy child.

    hugs

  5. #15
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    also, and i don't know if it is possible...for the first year or so I would go and stay somewhere else and ex would have the sleep over at our house so DS would have his own bed and stuff.

    I had a deadlock installed on my bedroom door and made sure all personal items were locked away safely.

    Ex slept in the spare room.

  6. #16
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    Default Sleeping at Dad's - how old?

    Oh I should point out its only the 'sleeping over' part that scares me this soon. DH has been several times to visit and I go out to give them time alone - but that's here in his own house.

    I'm traveling for work for 2 nights next week and DH has agreed to stay here (in spare bedroom) to look after DS, rather than my Mum coming. So I'm definitely not against them spending regular time together.

  7. #17
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    Default Sleeping at Dad's - how old?

    DD1 started staying at X's house wen she was 18mths old. It was hard at first cause he lives 2.5hrs away but she managed it fine.
    She slept in a port a cot at his place till she was 2.5 then he brought her a bed

  8. #18
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    I am not a single parent, but agree with the PP who said if you would leave him overnight with his dad while together, then you probably should now. I totally get the different surroundings thing, I'd send him with his own blanket, a favourite DVD, book, softy or anything he likes in particular.

    Nothing selfish at all about scheduling it on a night you have a party to go to, you would've been able to go when you were together because he was there and until there is something more definite and structured it's a lovely coincidence.

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  10. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    DD's dad and I separated when she was about 2.5, she started having occasional overnights with him straight away. I think there is a big difference between staying with someone they have lived with up until recently, and staying with someone who isn't completely familiar with them and what they might need while they are there.
    Its true.

    Ex DP and I did split late in my pregnancy so he never lived with DS. He moved in with a new partner so I was very reluctant to let DS stay over there right up until recently. I trust xDP totally but was more concerned about DS waking during the night being scared! Also, xDP had to earn it... Spend regular day time with DS before I let him stay overnight. DS is old enough now to know he is his 'daddy' so that helps as he loves daddy.

  11. #20
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    Default Sleeping at Dad's - how old?

    Thanks for that link, very interesting reading.

    Well in the end I wasn't made to decide - he came to visit after work today and didn't even ask if he could take him home with him. He just asked if he could come back to take him to swimming lessons tomorrow. I guess he is enjoying his sleep-ins every day and reconsidered!


 

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