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  1. #1
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    Default Sleeping at Dad's - how old?

    DH and I separated only 11 days ago, and he has asked if he can have DS stay overnight Friday night.

    DS is only 13mths old and never slept over at someone else house before. Yes I know it's his Dad and not just someone else, but I still feel really nervous about it. Is that normal?

    How old were your children when they first started staying with your ex?

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    I have no advice, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're going through this.

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    Pesca77  (17-10-2012)

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    Default Sleeping at Dad's - how old?

    I split from DS's dad when DS was 3.5 so he started overnight stays immediately.

    I was never in a relationship with DD's dad and we have agreed that she won't stay overnight until she's at least 24 months. Even then, we'll assess the situation when she turns 2 (she's 12 months now).

    I think 13 months is too young to be separated overnight from the primary carer.

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    I seperated from my ex when my DD was around 15 months old, and she slept at her Dad's from then on. I had never been seperated from her at all before, and it was hard for me, but I had to let them two spend some time together.
    Maybe just start of day visits for now, and then maybe move on to one night sleeps

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    My DP daughter has been staying in other peoples care (i.e. our care, grandparents care, great grandparents care) over night since she was about 5 months old. I came in the picture when she was 14 months old and my DP and I had her every few nights as was the arrangement back then. Mind DSD's mother had the grandparents looking after her since early on so she could go out and to give her a break (DP is in the Navy). If he has ever done it before have a plan in place, i.e. room has to be set up, and right near your ex's room so that he can hear if your LO has any problems during the night. Your ex rings you if need be at any time of day or night. Or start off with just day visits until your LO gets used to seeing mummy and daddy at seperate times and gets used to daddys new house or something.

    Hope this helps

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    Default Sleeping at Dad's - how old?

    Thanks all - and thanks WineTime x

    DS would be sleeping in a portacot in DH's room. He is living with his brother at the moment so not set up properly. He does have his 2 cousins (6 & 4) there that he can chase around though.

    So far he has just come here to see him (upstairs in the play room) and took him to his swimming lesson last Sat. His brother lives on the opposite side of town which somehow makes me feel worse! Maybe I say no to this Fri and see how I feel in another week?

    Selfishly I have my sisters hens party next Sat night. Maybe I agree he can have him overnight for that?

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    DS had sleep overs from about 16 months from memory.

    I think it might be a good start next saturday night...as you'll be distracted and it will make it easier...you have to follow through then though and let it be regular and not just "use him for babysitting".

    I would explain to him you feel nervous and want to do it then so you'll be distracted and not fret too much...and then from then on he can have him 1 night a week so it becomes a regular thing for DS and him to have their own relationship.

    I still sometimes hate DS going...and he is 8 lmao. It is very normal to worry about them and miss them...it's part of being a mum! However, it is fine to use the time to have some fun and relax and live your own life too.

    hugs

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    Hi Pesca
    Although I'm not single I hope you don't mind me posting.
    My DS has stayed without me overnight with his Dad when he was 3 months, he has also stayed over night with my Mum and Dad several times at around 5 and 7 months and he recently stayed over night with MIL at about 8 months.

    Another way to think about it is - would you let your DS to stay overnight without you (I know it's a different environment) if you were not separated - if yes then I would definitely let him stay overnight, it's good that he is wanting to take him over night too. It also means that your DS is getting used to staying with his Dad and really does give you the opportunity to do things like go to a hens - this is not selfish, you're allowed to go and have a good time!

    I think River Song has given some excellent advice regarding making it a regular thing, it's important to developing a co-parenting relationship.

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    BlissedOut  (17-10-2012)

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    DD's dad and I separated when she was about 2.5, she started having occasional overnights with him straight away. I think there is a big difference between staying with someone they have lived with up until recently, and staying with someone who isn't completely familiar with them and what they might need while they are there.

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    Ellewood  (17-10-2012)

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    Default Sleeping at Dad's - how old?

    I have travelled overnight with work twice in past month, so yes he has been away from me. But he was at home with his Dad in his own bed, surroundings, everything familiar etc

    Now Dad doesn't live here so it just feels strange IYKWIM. I guess it just because it's the first time and this is still all so new to me. I'm going to have to get used to it, but I didn't think he'd be expecting to have him overnight this fast. Especially while he's staying on opposite side of town - that shouldn't matter I know, but it makes me feel nervous!

    I think I'll say this Fri is a bit too soon for me (since DH has been going through some stuff too) and to give it another week. If he takes him while I'm out anyway, it will hopefully keep me occupied for the 'first' time if that makes sense!

    Am I being irrational?? This is all so new and confusing for me!


 

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